Work: Today, a coworker filed a complaint against me, all because I...

By Anonymous - 18/03/2014 21:31 - United States - Arlington

Today, a coworker filed a complaint against me, all because I ate a banana at lunch, which he claimed is "threateningly sexual", whatever the hell that means. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 194

You deserved it 4 001

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Same thing different taste

By his word vs mine = me suspended - 10/08/2013 18:41 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, I was carrying a stack of paperwork at work, when my pen rolled off and onto the floor. As soon as I bent down to pick it up, a nearby co-worker, who's always hated me, accused me of putting on a show and sexually harassing him. He actually followed up by reporting me to HR. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 069

You deserved it 3 096

By Anonymous - 26/02/2014 21:44 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I had to give a sexual harassment seminar to my department. Someone put in a complaint that my example made them feel uncomfortable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 829

You deserved it 4 234

By Anonymous - 12/10/2013 06:19 - United States - Avon

Today, my bitchy co-worker decided that being given a compliment on her shoes is sexual harassment, and worthy of reporting me to our boss over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 450

You deserved it 3 556

Leech

By upyours - 22/05/2020 17:00 - Australia

Today, after telling my boss that trailing a hand up someone's leg and leering at them constantly is counted as sexual harassment, I got called an "unappreciative little whiny bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 099

You deserved it 212

Asshat walking

By Bad employee - 28/06/2023 11:00 - United States

Today, a random customer at work admonished my coworker for being on her phone. During our lunch break. As he walked away, my coworker muttered, "What the fuck is his problem?" I nodded in agreement. He heard her and saw me nodding. As did our boss. Time to get written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 724

You deserved it 177

Creep in chief

By wow @ creepy fuckers - 17/11/2012 01:06 - United States

Today, yet again, my boss whined to me like a baby over being "friend-zoned" by his secretary. Not only does he basically stalk her and make her eat lunch with him every day, she's a lesbian in a committed relationship. He suspended me after I lost it and told him to see a fucking therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 164

You deserved it 6 151

By Lunar-Spice - 23/07/2019 04:05

Today, I asked one of the girls at work out on a date. She responded by filing a harassment complaint. Now, I can't speak to her at all without being written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 511

You deserved it 985

By liltravol23 - 15/01/2009 11:36 - United States

Today, the only cute girl in my office made fun of me because I'm 27 and bring fruit cups with my lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 219

You deserved it 4 646

Tactical

By Anonymous - 03/08/2009 14:50 - United States

Today, I got fired from work. Why? I finally took a stand for myself and confronted my coworker of writing things up in my name for herself, and it getting deducted from my check. So she went to the manager and accused me of sexual harassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 067

You deserved it 3 941

Well played

By FUCK THE PIGS - 26/01/2013 20:44 - United States - Oakland

Today, during lunch, my coworker offered me her food, claiming she was full. I was still quite hungry, so I accepted it. Halfway through eating the sandwiches, my boss walked in and started interrogating people over who took his lunch. I quickly realized I was the one eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 564

You deserved it 4 180

energizerbunny23 18

Wednesday 19 March 2014 2:37

Probably jealous of the size...

TheTedster 15

Wednesday 19 March 2014 2:39

File a complaint against him for being "unreasonably stupid".

Comments

Nevracceptdefeat 26

Wednesday 19 March 2014 4:59

I think we all know what Gwen Stefani would say "This S*** is bananas b-a-n-a-n-a-s"

sumanmaas15 2

Wednesday 19 March 2014 5:11

Some people..

CrikOgresmasher 19

Wednesday 19 March 2014 5:13

better not eat a donut

SirTimtastic 6

Wednesday 19 March 2014 5:21

shove it up his butt hole and see if he thinks that seems threateningly sexual.

phatdaddy62 23

Wednesday 19 March 2014 9:53

You speak from experience?

TheTogaedHail 6

Wednesday 19 March 2014 5:29

For some reason I think he has a gay, homophobic crush on you... ._.

buckdharma 37

Wednesday 19 March 2014 5:32

Did it squirt?, cause its not supposed to.

awkward_panda 8

Wednesday 19 March 2014 5:52

I'm guessing you ate the banana seductively?

Fmlsea 28

Wednesday 19 March 2014 5:59

it probably turned the guy on and freaked him out ,so he complained so you wouldn't bring anymore bananas to work.

imchacon22 19

Wednesday 19 March 2014 6:06

Did you make eye contact while eating the banana?

cannonman1863 17

Wednesday 19 March 2014 6:28

If you do it right, it can be.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my best friend called me to cancel our mall plans. I could hear that she was watching a movie in the background. I then called my boyfriend to see if he was busy, and I could hear the same movie in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 313

You deserved it 157

Today, my boyfriend of a year told me he is at the point in his life where he is ready to start a family, get married and have a baby. He also casually stated that he wished he could meet someone he could see himself settling down with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 335

You deserved it 4 257

The Top

Today, on my wedding day, when they said, "You may kiss the bride", I swung my wife over in the romantic fashion and went in for the kiss. Unfortunately, my hands were sweaty as I was nervous, and she slipped under my grip. She fell and was knocked unconscious in front of hundreds of people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 004

You deserved it 19 795

Today, I asked my uber-religious parents what they would do if, hypothetically, they found out one of their closest friends was an atheist. The immediate response: "Forcibly try to convert them, and completely cut all ties if they don't accept." Guess I'll remain a closeted atheist for the rest of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 514

You deserved it 122

Today, I left my son with my husband while I went to the store. Ten minutes later, my dog was missing a large patch of fur, and neither of them can stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 842

You deserved it 7 941

Today, my dad and a construction worker were having a long talk. I heard the door slam, and assumed that this worker had left. So I yelled out "Hey dad what were you talking about? Did you talk slowly so the idiot could understand?" Turns out my dad was the one who had walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 881

You deserved it 68 207

Today, I shaved off half of my right eyebrow by accident. It still looks better than my left eyebrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 381

You deserved it 481

Today, while painting a wall, I handed a bucket of paint up to my friend who was standing on the top rung of a ladder. She said she felt dizzy, and came crashing down on me, along with the paint on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 255

You deserved it 2 579