Intimacy: Today, after a twelve week dry spell followed by an eight week...

By dasnich - 05/02/2012 03:46 - United States

Today, after a twelve week dry spell followed by an eight week one, I decided to take a bit more initiative at seducing my girlfriend. Not only was she "not in the mood" again, but she offered me Trident Layers gum instead. She apparently thought that it was a fair trade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 800

You deserved it 5 410

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Same thing different taste

Time consumed

By unendowed - 18/03/2012 02:11 - United States - Katy

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to go down on me with chewing gum in her mouth. I spent the next hour and a half getting Orbit out of my pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 414

You deserved it 11 700

By CoCo - 22/11/2008 04:03 - France

Today, my girlfriend came home with new condoms: Manix Endurance containing a numbing gel designed to help me "last longer". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 176

You deserved it 11 638

Bored

By Taylor parsons - 29/10/2010 04:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 436

You deserved it 7 540

By cjk004 - 15/02/2009 11:35 - United States

Today, I was trying on lingerie in the dressing room of Victoria’s Secret with my boyfriend next to me. I told my him in a seductive, playful tone “You can stay and watch if you give me a piece of your gum.” He said “No I only have three more” and left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 759

You deserved it 6 624

Desperate

By yourmainman - 28/01/2013 05:03 - Canada

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 937

You deserved it 15 971

By tLee - 19/07/2011 04:04 - Canada

Today, I was laying in bed making out with a girl. After trying to figure out for a while why she was spending so much time on my neck it finally hit me. She was frantically and secretly trying to remove the gum she got stuck in my hair. She failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 513

You deserved it 4 561

By Prinpette - 20/09/2011 21:20 - France

Today, to show that he really wanted me to shave myself, my boyfriend pretended to go down on me, but instead of following through, he stuck a wad of gum in my pubic hair and got back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 353

You deserved it 40 479

By Username - 18/03/2010 08:21 - France

Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 585

You deserved it 49 800

By Adam - 16/01/2017 08:00

Today, my wife decided to end our dry spell of four months and started dry humping and kissing me in bed. Things were going well until she orgasmed from the activity and declared that she was too tired to do any more, rolled over, and fell asleep. Five months or bust. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 784

You deserved it 995

By Anonymous - 11/09/2009 17:04 - United States

Today, I went to my girlfriend's and she was wearing some sexy lingerie. After making out passionately for 10 minutes, I started to undress myself, only to have her stop me, confessed that she still wasn't sexually attracted to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 294

You deserved it 4 017

spinky03 7

Sunday 5 February 2012 9:33

Maybe you're not doing it right.

Pwib 14

Sunday 5 February 2012 9:33

Brush your teeth.

Comments

duckeater22 0

Monday 6 February 2012 2:48

You get payed off in stride layers too?!?

AceArctic 4

Monday 6 February 2012 5:03

Nobody ever pays me in gum...

purpleisbest13 0

Monday 6 February 2012 5:10

I wish I was paid in gum

sportsnut44 3

Monday 6 February 2012 5:23

I feel your pain bro. Totally feel your pain

needsagf14 12

Monday 6 February 2012 6:08

Wow those commercials sure are convincing

arvale8802 1

Monday 6 February 2012 6:34

I think she's cheating on you

lamp00n 0

Monday 6 February 2012 7:26

Dude, once in 5 month = failed relationship. (unless one of u is ill)

SettoFail 9

Monday 6 February 2012 8:51

If your girl doesn't want to have sex for that long there is a serious problem

phantumgrey 6

Monday 6 February 2012 13:18

Dump her. Woman should put out at the drop of a hat. Who does she think she is thinking she can say no. F the bitch

vinniejimm30 0

Monday 6 February 2012 14:36

At least she's paying you in gum!

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I called back a number I'd recently missed a call from. To my surprise, it was my boyfriend's fiancée's number. I've been with him four years, he's been with her for six. Turns out, not only is he a cheating jerk, but technically I'M the other woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 137

You deserved it 4 976

Today, my uncle is staying with my family and he just gave me the weirdest 'gift' I've ever gotten. He gave me his used shaver. He said he realized that it's for women, but I find this disgusting. I could maybe sanitize it, but then I would have to touch the hairs on it. I had to pretend to be truly grateful for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 577

You deserved it 183

The Top

Today, my wife uttered the soul-crushing words, "But we're married now, why would we have sex?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 820

You deserved it 8 866

Today, I bought a shirt for my 5 year-old, which said, "I tried to be good, but I take after my Grandpa!" I thought it was a cute joke, but my mother-in-law said, "So you mean his grandpa isn't good? And that's why your son isn't good?" Despite my husband adding, "She bought this shirt. It was a joke, mom" they're still offended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 193

Today, all I want is someone to talk to. The only person who ever responds is my ex-fiance who cheated on me. Multiple times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 112

Today, my husband sent an email invite to his family about our daughter's upcoming birthday. Upon reading the email, his aunt clicked "reply all" while emailing her husband and said, "I'd rather say we're out of town than see that dumb bitch our nephew calls his wife." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 371

You deserved it 4 215

Today, I was going down on a girl. When I looked up she was texting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 181 803

You deserved it 52 063

Today, at the ripe age of 20, I spent the early hours of my morning violently vomiting blood every time I got too warm. I then had the pleasure of shitting in a plastic container for a stool sample, due to said problem, after one and half hours of sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 87

Same thing different taste

Time consumed

Bored

Desperate

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