Intimacy: Today, an ant bit my penis. That was the first 'mouth' to ever...

By hjgjh - 27/04/2009 06:14 - United States

Today, an ant bit my penis. That was the first 'mouth' to ever touch it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 596

You deserved it 23 398

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Same thing different taste

Sneaky

By Anonymous - 07/10/2019 14:00

Today, after losing a battle with ants in my apartment, I just pulled one off that was biting me in the vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 913

You deserved it 212

By unsuckable - 28/08/2015 06:13 - United States - Denver

Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 900

You deserved it 4 171

By Anonymous - 21/03/2012 04:50 - Canada

Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 597

You deserved it 22 043

By drpepperking10 - 02/07/2016 23:27 - United States

Today, I was kissing my crush for the first time and her tooth fell out into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 360

You deserved it 3 264

By somuchforthat - 19/02/2010 07:38 - Australia

Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 704

You deserved it 2 519

By TheStudentNurse - 18/11/2016 00:07

Today, I got bitten at work. Not by a patient's mouth, but by the false teeth they were holding in their hand as they clamped down on my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 834

You deserved it 610

By YeahItsmecoolhuh - 17/02/2011 06:50 - United Arab Emirates

Today, I found a horde of ants in one of my socks when I put it on my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 558

You deserved it 4 987

By shitfaced - 18/09/2015 17:30 - Netherlands - Sassenheim

Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 675

You deserved it 9 516

Jaws

By Anonymous - 31/03/2024 07:00 - Philippines - Cebu City

Today, I went to the dentist. She put a spongy thing on my teeth and told me to bite. Her finger was there, so I was confused and… I accidentally bit her finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 98

By santasadiekins - 17/08/2011 17:25 - United States

Today, I was camping out under the stars on my trampoline. I was just about asleep when I felt a tickle on my arm. Figuring it was an ant, I brushed it off. The rest of the red ants crawling up my arm didn't like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 710

You deserved it 4 865

quantumoftruth 0

Monday 27 April 2009 16:05

did you return the favour? bet you didn't you selfish bastard

ZiggyMorrison 0

Monday 27 April 2009 16:04

hahahahaha well depending on your age I wouldnt worry too much perhaps your 12 in which case you've got plenty of time that sounds kinda painful though did it atleast swallow?

Comments

whocares111 0

Monday 27 April 2009 16:28

yea but how old are you? it doesn't matter if you're young.

1Tsk 0

Monday 27 April 2009 16:30

The ant was trying to kill the little fly so he could take it to his nest :p

xRUINERx 0

Monday 27 April 2009 16:34

Yeah that happens to everyone...0.o

AdamB_fml 0

Monday 27 April 2009 16:43

How is this a FML?

requieminadream 0

Monday 27 April 2009 16:45

Dude, maybe if you didn't live in a bug infested home you might get more than a bug sucking you off.

dearViena 0

Monday 27 April 2009 16:54

you know, getting laid isn't the most important thing in life.

trackrunner525 0

Monday 27 April 2009 17:00

thanks for sharing

davidomke 0

Monday 27 April 2009 17:04

4, will you marry me?

pancakelover 0

Monday 27 April 2009 17:15

Did you at least get the ant's phone number?

judgeymcjudge 0

Monday 27 April 2009 17:18

#4 = WIN XD

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my wedding limo driver got high and forgot to pick us up, so the photographers gave us a ride back to the venue from the photo shoot. Three bridesmaids, a flower girl, and I, in my full wedding dress, had to fit in the back of the 1997 Toyota Camry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 643

You deserved it 390

Today, my girlfriend was on top in reverse cowgirl. After she orgasmed, all I heard was, "Oh fuck" and she clenched her butt to try stop, but it was too late, she shot diarrhoea up my stomach, chest and neck. The only reason I didn’t get any in my mouth was because it all got caught in my beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 050

You deserved it 409

The Top

Today, I dropped my keys in the toilet. While in the kitchen looking for something to fish them out with, I heard a door slam. My sister had to use the bathroom and didn’t see my keys in the toilet before sitting down. Lucky me, I caught her just as she was about to flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 465

You deserved it 5 507

Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 165

You deserved it 20 925

Today, in physics class, my teacher was messing around with an air cannon and I accidentally blurted out, "Blow me!" It took me all of 5 seconds to realize why everyone was laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 754

You deserved it 1 645

Today, my cousin wanted to play chess with me. I've never been good at chess, but I had no idea until now that my cousin is somehow even worse than I am. I also forgot that he's a sore loser and a half until after I finished thoroughly trouncing him. Now I have a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 110

Today, I had the worst Xmas of my life. My wife has been screeching all day about my ex-wife being at a party, As if I invited her, or even had any knowledge of her being there. I even had to go outside to hide my tears of anger and frustration. This has been going on for 30 years now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 648

You deserved it 227

Today, I went to a restaurant and sat at the last available table, which had a seat available across from me. A cute girl approached and asked if she could sit down, so I said "Sure" and made some room. She then asked "You're leaving, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 382

You deserved it 3 646

Same thing different taste

Sneaky

Jaws

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