Intimacy: Today, an ant bit my penis. That was the first 'mouth' to ever...

By hjgjh - 27/04/2009 06:14 - United States

Today, an ant bit my penis. That was the first 'mouth' to ever touch it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 596

You deserved it 23 398

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Sneaky

By Anonymous - 07/10/2019 14:00

Today, after losing a battle with ants in my apartment, I just pulled one off that was biting me in the vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 913

You deserved it 212

By unsuckable - 28/08/2015 06:13 - United States - Denver

Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 900

You deserved it 4 171

By Anonymous - 21/03/2012 04:50 - Canada

Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 597

You deserved it 22 043

By drpepperking10 - 02/07/2016 23:27 - United States

Today, I was kissing my crush for the first time and her tooth fell out into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 360

You deserved it 3 264

By somuchforthat - 19/02/2010 07:38 - Australia

Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 704

You deserved it 2 519

By TheStudentNurse - 18/11/2016 00:07

Today, I got bitten at work. Not by a patient's mouth, but by the false teeth they were holding in their hand as they clamped down on my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 834

You deserved it 610

By YeahItsmecoolhuh - 17/02/2011 06:50 - United Arab Emirates

Today, I found a horde of ants in one of my socks when I put it on my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 558

You deserved it 4 987

By shitfaced - 18/09/2015 17:30 - Netherlands - Sassenheim

Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 675

You deserved it 9 516

Jaws

By Anonymous - 31/03/2024 07:00 - Philippines - Cebu City

Today, I went to the dentist. She put a spongy thing on my teeth and told me to bite. Her finger was there, so I was confused and… I accidentally bit her finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 98

By santasadiekins - 17/08/2011 17:25 - United States

Today, I was camping out under the stars on my trampoline. I was just about asleep when I felt a tickle on my arm. Figuring it was an ant, I brushed it off. The rest of the red ants crawling up my arm didn't like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 710

You deserved it 4 865

quantumoftruth 0

Monday 27 April 2009 16:05

did you return the favour? bet you didn't you selfish bastard

ZiggyMorrison 0

Monday 27 April 2009 16:04

hahahahaha well depending on your age I wouldnt worry too much perhaps your 12 in which case you've got plenty of time that sounds kinda painful though did it atleast swallow?

Comments

Rok_fml 0

Monday 27 April 2009 18:01

What were you doing to the ant?

hattrick0313 0

Monday 27 April 2009 18:02

ha ants to bit dbag. they sting.

KenMcGormick 0

Monday 27 April 2009 18:05

AHHHAHAHA

Fanoodle 0

Monday 27 April 2009 18:20

Oh jeez why am i laughing!?

videogame_loser 0

Monday 27 April 2009 18:33

Dude, I feel your pain. I got one in my bathing suit while swimming at the community pool once and it bit me on the dick. That shit hurts

lems18902 1

Monday 27 April 2009 18:41

Yea - this one is a very age dependent FML...13=not an FML at all; while 31=FML all the way.

FreedomFirst 0

Monday 27 April 2009 19:14

Technically, I believe ants use "mandibles" to bite.

mattmag 0

Monday 27 April 2009 19:15

#19 you've got it all wrong. they are the best kind of fml!

Musik_00 0

Monday 27 April 2009 19:32

BETTER! Just Wait Till Yur Married ... Stay Awy From The GREY AREA!

GoFigureAgain 0

Monday 27 April 2009 19:32

Rather an ant than your aunt

Keywords

Friends Love Awkward Miscellaneous Cute Haircut Relatable You're fired Work Cars Parenting Kids Family DIY Cats Sex Intimacy Am I overreacting? Management Poopoo peepee Capitalism Coworkers Frustration Dogs Animals ADHD Transportation Dating Health Anxiety

The Top

Today, and ever since I told my wife I had sacked my secretary, a pretty redhead, I’ve noticed my wife has started reverting to her old habit of getting headaches on Fridays, which is normally sex night. Funny how this wasn’t a problem when I had a pretty secretary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 988

You deserved it 1 048

Today, my girlfriend was on top in reverse cowgirl. After she orgasmed, all I heard was, "Oh fuck" and she clenched her butt to try stop, but it was too late, she shot diarrhoea up my stomach, chest and neck. The only reason I didn’t get any in my mouth was because it all got caught in my beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 076

You deserved it 410

The Top

Today, my cousin got hired after six days of job-hunting. I graduated from university six months ago and haven't even scored a single interview; he's a deadbeat junkie who just got out of prison after doing time for armed robbery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 894

You deserved it 2 852

Today, after months of delays, my home renovation is nearing completion. Well, it was nearing completion. Last night, a pipe burst, flooding the entire house. The water damage will cost more to repair than the entire renovation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 342

You deserved it 234

Today, while taking a shower, my back hair caused so much friction against the bar of soap, it stuck for a good second before coming free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 075

You deserved it 8 935

Today, my mum wants me to see a psychologist because I've been acting strange lately. If by "strange" she means "not wanting to die any more", then sure. But thanks, I could've used that psychologist 3 years ago when I asked for one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 129

You deserved it 1 394

Today, I met my boyfriend's adoptive family. There was his mom and several brothers, one of whom tried to hit on me. They tried to convince my boyfriend to break up with me, and his mom told me I'll probably get knocked up by the brother who hit on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 489

You deserved it 4 067

Today, marks my third day of school being closed due to snow. One, and only one, of the teachers has decided that we have to do work online in the meantime. I just so happen to be in three of his classes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 538

You deserved it 4 796

Same thing different taste

Sneaky

Jaws

Top comments

Comments