Miscellaneous: Today, as I was running from the cops I jumped behind a bush...

By Jess - 05/12/2011 03:22 - United States

Today, as I was running from the cops I jumped behind a bush to hide. Turns out it was a massive thorn bush. I later had the most painful shower I have ever experienced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 697

You deserved it 75 037

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 19/07/2014 11:35 - United States - Imperial

Today, I was at a party, and someone called the cops on us. I dove into a bush that turned out to have thorns. I got multiple cuts and a sprained wrist, and got arrested anyway. Its kind of hard to hide from the police when you're screaming in agony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 329

You deserved it 27 973

When you gotta go, you gotta go

By Amanda Howard - 15/03/2020 09:00

Today, I came home after being stuck in traffic needing to pee really badly. When I went to the bathroom, my boyfriend was on the toilet. I couldn't hold it longer, so I went into the woods behind our house and found a bush. Relieving myself, my butt started to itch. I was sitting in poison ivy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 569

You deserved it 522

Sussy baka

By black hoodie - 19/05/2013 23:07 - United States - Shrewsbury

Today, I went for a walk. When it started pouring, I ran under the nearest tree for protection. It didn't occur to me that it might look suspicious hiding under a stranger's tree in a black hoodie, until the cops showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 168

You deserved it 5 975

By Anonymous - 31/08/2014 17:51 - United States

Today, I was hiking down a steep hill, and I slipped. I instinctively grabbed the nearest object to me: a very prickly cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 516

You deserved it 3 876

Nature isn't healing

By my butt is lava - 19/08/2023 14:00 - United States - Custer

Today, I was on a nature hike and had to use the bushes as a restroom. In doing so I stepped on an ant hill and ended up with my shorts around my ankles, dancing the Twist to fend off the ants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 535

You deserved it 193

By Anon - 24/03/2012 02:42 - United States

Today, while hiking and wearing sandals, I stubbed my toe. This wouldn't have been so bad had it not been into a cactus with 3 inch thorns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 411

You deserved it 32 295

Ouch!

By Anonymous - 23/03/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 319

By poisonivyretard - 04/06/2013 17:15 - United States - Narragansett

Today, I took a dump in the woods at a secluded lake. I used the leaves of a seemingly harmless tree to clean myself. However, I was unaware that the leaf was poisonous. It feels like a thousand hornets are attacking my ass-crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 549

You deserved it 52 003

By Broderick - 26/03/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, I was hiking, and four miles away from my car and civilization, I tripped over a rock into a cactus. I used duct tape, which ripped all the hair off my arms and legs but ignored the spikes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 076

You deserved it 6 961

On the run

By broussimousse - 10/03/2009 20:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a run with this cute guy I know. I was sweating untractively and profusely so I decided to discretly grab a leaf from a tree and wipe my face with it. A bird had done the same with his ass few minutes ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 062

You deserved it 32 621

Osmness 0

Monday 5 December 2011 8:37

The question is... Why were you running from the cops?

abbytequiere 9

Monday 5 December 2011 8:37

And that is why you must look before you leap...

Comments

cyndisue88 8

Friday 9 December 2011 6:46

This is soooo fake! C'mon people! Even if he was running from the cops he wouldn't be able to post this!!

Humanspider 18

Friday 9 December 2011 8:26

Being a konvict like akon

4realz226 0

Sunday 11 December 2011 3:02

So this means u should probably be arrested? Wow.....and yet u complain about a shower?!

luke275 0

Sunday 11 December 2011 5:32

Karma's a bi***

ralphie24 0

Friday 16 December 2011 5:50

This guys most likely a Mexican

randomail44 0

Friday 23 December 2011 1:02

Umm... Y were u running from the cops? 0.o

sabrinaFML 0

Friday 23 December 2011 2:35

Y were u running from the cops in the first place??

Hilljack3 2

Monday 26 December 2011 16:58

Wait! You were running fromthe cops?!?! What did ya do!!!

zombiegold 23

Friday 30 December 2011 2:37

You should've went inside a Pay'N Spray.

jofratt99 0

Thursday 12 January 2012 3:47

Why where you running from the police!?!

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I woke up from a night of serious depression, drinking by myself at home, to find a USB stick wrapped in plastic up my vagina, with "Top secret" written on it. There was nothing on the stick when I checked. I may need to give tequila a rest and switch back to gin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 1 831

Today, I sent a kinky text message to my boyfriend. Within minutes I got a reply of, "Whoever this is, fuck off and give my girlfriend's phone back." Apparently I'm so bad at writing sexy messages that my boyfriend thought it was a prank from someone who'd stolen my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 976

You deserved it 10 760

The Top

Today, while out for a jog, I noticed that you never know how fast you run until you're being followed by someone in a car you don't know, and they're continuously honking at you. I later found out it my dad in his new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 806

You deserved it 2 322

Today, I was sitting on my bike texting when someone snatched my phone and ran. Like an idiot, I jumped off my bike and ran after him. He then ran in a big circle, got on my bike and sped off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 199

You deserved it 1 674

Today, I was at a grocery store with my 3 year old son. As I was picking a cereal out, an older man comes over and says, "You should have used condoms. What an ugly boy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 442

You deserved it 6 508

Today, my house was egged while I went out shopping. When I told my dad about it, he immediately and casually admitted to being the one who did it, asking, "You got a fucking problem with that, son?" I don't know if he's just messing with my head, or if he really did do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 939

You deserved it 3 673

Today, I thought my mother was coming into my room to give me lunch. She gave me cleaning supplies instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 652

You deserved it 3 162

Today, my bladder decided to empty itself while I was on a rollercoaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 271

You deserved it 10 703