Intimacy: Today, at work, my friend dared me to answer the next call on...

By girly girly - 26/05/2012 14:42 - United States - Keller

Today, at work, my friend dared me to answer the next call on my phone by saying, "This is your local sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it." I did it. The person on the phone was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 194

You deserved it 46 930

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 25/04/2010 10:00 - Australia

Today, I was expecting a call from my friend. The phone rang and I answered with "WANK!!" as a joke. It wasn't my friend on the phone, it was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 718

You deserved it 44 572

By Lukey1028 - 14/07/2015 01:07 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my co-worker handed me the phone and said it was my boyfriend calling, so I answered "Hello, Love!" It was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 342

You deserved it 3 459

By number2 - 18/10/2011 01:14 - United States

Today, while sitting on the toilet, my phone pocket dialed my boss's cell. He was in the next stall. He answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 433

You deserved it 4 032

By Somessedup - 09/09/2009 18:29 - United States

Today, my boss asked to use my phone since the company pays for it. A few hours later the same boss called me into his office to fire me. Apparently the company checks the phone records and found a call made on my cell to a sex line. My boss made that call and just fired me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 114

You deserved it 4 623

By Username - 18/02/2011 09:33

Today, at work, my phone rang. My intern answered it and told me it was a coworker who'd just left. I picked up and said "What's up bitch? What are you going to complain about now?!" It was actually my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 019

You deserved it 44 930

By Anonymous - 17/03/2018 05:00

Today, while working at my dead-end call centre job that couldn't get any worse, I answered a call from a customer who was having loud sex. I still needed to sound professional and tell her when a product was released. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 698

You deserved it 423

By Anonymous - 02/09/2009 09:39 - New Zealand

Today, my boss rang me for the 5th time on my day off. Frustrated I pushed 'ignore' and yelled a string of obscenities at my phone. Turns out I pushed 'talk'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 565

You deserved it 50 939

By Wallz99 - 19/04/2013 06:00 - Pakistan - Plot

Today, my long-distance girlfriend drunk dialed me and told me she was horny. Surprised, I exclaimed, "You're horny?" without realizing my boss was right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 371

You deserved it 23 372

By MissCan'tKeepAJob - 23/08/2011 16:18 - United States

Today, I work by myself at a retail store and I was bored so I called my boyfriend. I woke him up and he was feeling frisky, and as things were getting heated I started to moan and say dirty things. Until the entire rack of clothes fell over and revealed my boss hiding. He had a boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 127

You deserved it 57 589

I'm working over here, leave me alone!

By lifeguardfuckup - 14/02/2019 15:17 - United States

Today, while lifeguarding, I received six prank phone calls on the official pool phone. When it rang again, I picked it up, told them to go fuck themselves, hung up, and then left the phone off the hook. A second later, my cellphone rang. It was my boss, telling me to get a sense of humor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 926

You deserved it 8 516

Ilikeurfmls 13

Saturday 26 May 2012 19:56

Or you could've said "you squeeze it we freeze it".

zojieeu 6

Saturday 26 May 2012 19:54

You are screwed :D

Comments

kiakia0131 23

Sunday 27 May 2012 1:56

Haha. My dad did something similar when he was younger. He answered the phone at Pizza Hut "Hello city morgue, you kill 'em we chill 'em."

vbmg152 18

Sunday 27 May 2012 2:45

So, do you still have a job?

pandarara116 4

Sunday 27 May 2012 3:51

You, sir,, are a legend!!

likeAwesome 3

Sunday 27 May 2012 4:07

Cum on man! That's a bad idea to begin with!

perfectflower 12

Sunday 27 May 2012 4:47

Hey my bf made that excuse to a call! :p

zuzupetalsYO 11

Sunday 27 May 2012 4:56

IDIOOOOT

amyybr 0

Sunday 27 May 2012 4:59

my favorite line :)

haegirl89 1

Sunday 27 May 2012 5:10

Ever heard of caller ID?

OffToTheGayBar 9

Sunday 27 May 2012 5:29

In no conceivable world did you not deserve this.

bill123nye456 0

Sunday 27 May 2012 6:03

You fap, we clap;)

Keywords

Awkward Friends Love Miscellaneous Cute Haircut Relatable Cars You're fired Work Parenting Kids Family DIY Cats Roommate Sex Am I overreacting? Intimacy Management Poopoo peepee Capitalism Coworkers Frustration Dogs Animals ADHD Transportation Dating Health

The Top

Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my family. Everything went well until my mum started hitting the brandy. While kicked back in her chair, she asked my boyfriend how satisfactory I was in bed, and if he enjoyed going down on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 278

You deserved it 3 577

Today, my dad is freaking out because he thinks he's next on the list of targets the NYC CEO shooter has. Not because he himself is a healthcare-ruining CEO, but he's a pharmacist who gets death threats every week from patients he can't give medication to, due to insurance companies denying everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 514

You deserved it 79

The Top

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone. The subject of abuse came up and I told her that if her father ever hurt her I would cut his dick off. The next thing I hear is, "Don't say shit you can't back up!" Her father had picked up the phone the moment I'd said it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 775

You deserved it 13 740

Today, my best friend, who I've had serious feelings for for over a year, decided to tell everyone that he hasn't gotten laid in almost two years. When I told him that he was lying, he responded with, "No, I'm not. Who could I possibly have slept with?" We hooked up six months ago. Three times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 939

You deserved it 4 242

Today, I broke up with my now ex-girlfriend for the 5th time. She still hasn't got the hint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 116

You deserved it 12 435

Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 262

You deserved it 25 002

Today, my mother and girlfriend were joking around and talking about the embarrassing things I've done. After they'd had a lengthy conversation, my girlfriend mentioned, "And he always farts during sex." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 219

You deserved it 10 818

Today, I was rushed to the emergency room in crippling pain, thanks to a very dangerous cluster of cysts on my ovaries that could rupture at any time. My boyfriend took this news as my way of denying him sex and broke up with me for "going to obscene lengths" to emasculate him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 971

You deserved it 3 201

Same thing different taste

I'm working over here, leave me alone!

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