Miscellaneous: Today, because I refused to shave off what my wife calls my "pedo... - FML

By Anonymous - 28/07/2013 04:59 - United States

Today, because I refused to shave off what my wife calls my "pedo 'stache", she painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 976

You deserved it 30 005

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Same thing different taste

By cjw - 06/03/2013 00:07 - United States

Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 590

You deserved it 4 322

By marisa - 05/01/2013 00:31 - Ireland - Carlow

Today, I had to beg my husband not to shave his pubic hair into a handlebar moustache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 243

You deserved it 4 316

By WasteOfTime - 01/11/2009 14:36 - United Kingdom

Today, as I stopped at a traffic light, I noticed the man in the car next to me break out in laughter. I pulled over later on to see that someone had drawn a large penis on the side of my van. I then spent all my morning cleaning it off. I went outside later only to see someone had redrawn it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 358

You deserved it 3 449

It's fine, I'll walk

By assholedad - 11/02/2015 21:00 - United States

Today, I asked my dad to please shave his awful beard, because I'm a laughing-stock at school for being picked up each day by a guy whose face looks like Bigfoot's ass. He agreed, and 10 minutes later was sporting a pedo-stache. It's going to be a long year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 366

You deserved it 11 037

By idontevenlikebuttsthatmuch - 18/12/2012 21:44 - United States - Mesa

Today, I noticed my wife put a bumper sticker on our car that says "Cowboy butts drive me nuts." I've driven that car to work every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 408

You deserved it 4 220

Punk'd

By lululee53 - 31/12/2010 00:07 - United States

Today, after spotting my ex-boyfriend's truck in a desolate parking lot, I decided to "decorate" the muddy side of it with a rather large male appendage. After checking around me to make sure there were no witnesses, I got to work. I probably should have made sure he wasn't sitting in the truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 281

You deserved it 49 841

By C. Kronick - 11/02/2009 05:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend started affectionately calling me "Burt Reynolds" because I wax my upper lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 924

You deserved it 5 463

By Anonymous - 16/08/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 113

You deserved it 10 955

One last thing…

By Aerostar - 16/06/2009 04:35 - United States

Today, we had our divorce hearing and now it is final. As we were leaving the courthouse, I told my ex-wife how happy I was that we were finally free from each other. Then my junky old van wouldn't start and I had to beg her for a ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 201

You deserved it 69 557

Street art

By German;) - 19/09/2019 04:00

Today, I came outside to see someone had written on my car, "I love your hairy butt, pubes, and fat girlfriend!" multiple times. I wouldn't have been bothered if all those things weren't true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 364

You deserved it 249

Next

Top comments

lashes_to_ashes 14

Sunday 28 July 2013 12:11

Your wife is awesome.

DocBastard 38

Sunday 28 July 2013 13:14

No no, iPeterPan is right. You should always divorce your wife at the first sign of 1) anything wrong, 2) her being funnier than you, and 3) her being smarter than you. That's why I'm on wife #14.

Comments

Ray_of_midnight 22

Sunday 28 July 2013 17:17

*looks at van* "Seems legit"

Obey_StudBoii 23

Sunday 28 July 2013 17:25

That's f***** up.

FrankHotpants 31

Sunday 28 July 2013 17:47

Screw it, just ride around the neighborhood and own it. Don't forget the sunglasses.

khaayotic 16

Sunday 28 July 2013 17:47

is this an FML because you don't actually have free candy?

vintaqe 28

Sunday 28 July 2013 18:16

Underneath she should have wrote "free stache rides." Then, THEN she would be amazing.

ecascio2010 9

Sunday 28 July 2013 18:22

What an immature bitch.

AustinDenton 22

Sunday 28 July 2013 18:40

That's awesome!! Coolest wife ever! I bet you're going to shave next time

redstone7693 29

Sunday 28 July 2013 19:14

Here we go....

laaryssa 21

Sunday 28 July 2013 19:15

Dude, you deserved it big time

colvindj 22

Sunday 28 July 2013 19:19

that's lil bit extreme just to get you to shave.

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Love Cheating Money Relatable Work Jealousy My ex Health Accident Medication ADHD Weather Snow Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Fight

The Top

Today, my boyfriend started to suck on my boob, which I quite enjoy, until he said he was breastfeeding and called me "Mummy". I don't think I can ever let his mouth near my boobs ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 006

You deserved it 3 398

Today, my husband decided to flash me while I was on a video call, so my clients announced they would only work with professionals, and ended the call. I was giving a virtual showing of a £1.2 million house they were thinking of buying. At 6% commission, my husband's junk just cost us £72,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 406

You deserved it 276

The Top

Today, a kid with severe Down's came into my workplace, as he does every day. He's has an obsession with me, sitting at a table, staring and taking photos of me all day. His parents have no problem with this, because they think it's a miracle that he can focus so much attention on me for so long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 274

You deserved it 6 517

Today, my son asked me if a video of a flame on a computer actually gives off heat like a fireplace. He was serious. He's 17 and inexplicably has straight A's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 144

Today, my husband asked with genuine concern if I would be able to breast feed our kids when they are born, since my boobs are so small. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 120

You deserved it 256

Today, at midnight, I heard my son calling for his mom. I stopped by his room and asked him what was wrong? He didn't tell me. Instead, he said: "Oh, I don't need you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 881

You deserved it 216

Today, like most weekends, I got swindled into being the designated driver for our group. Too bad this weekend was my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 213

You deserved it 1 465

Today, I went in the one-person bathroom at work to pee. Next thing I know, a woman forced the locked door open and walked in on me, because she didn't believe another person who said, "I think someone is in there." I'm reluctant to use that bathroom in the future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 486

You deserved it 1 225