Love: Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend... - FML

By facepalm - 15/10/2014 23:36 - United States - Gainesville

Spicy

Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 424

You deserved it 4 386

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Same thing different taste

By NestHead - 01/10/2013 17:32 - Russian Federation - Moscow

Today, my two parrots decided that my head was the best place to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 096

You deserved it 5 864

Impressive

By Anonymous - 19/03/2009 02:57 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 431

You deserved it 19 342

By sexual parrot - 21/04/2014 18:42

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend's parents' parrot won't stop imitating my sex moans, and keeps doing it whenever I speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 650

You deserved it 16 123

Freedom!

By Anonymous - 27/08/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I was showing off my new pet bird to my friends over video chat. I opened the cage to demonstrate how friendly he was. Instead of perching on my finger like usual, he flew out the window. I spent the next hour chasing him around the neighborhood in my pajamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 513

By chewybarseventy - 24/08/2010 06:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 499

You deserved it 11 071

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 14:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, her pet bird whistled a tune she'd been trying to teach it. She stopped and congratulated it, and I took the chance to move it to the other room to prevent further distraction. She got mad and wouldn't let me back in bed because I just "untrained it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 477

You deserved it 7 711

Repetition

By Anonymous - 24/07/2022 03:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Spicy

Today, it was my first time with a new boyfriend. We had sex in my living room. He asked if he could "eat my pussy." This has became my parakeet's new favorite phrase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 031

You deserved it 414

By Anonymous - 09/06/2016 19:39 - Germany - Munich

Today, I have to look after my best friend's parrot for a few days. One minute out of the room, I came back in to find out that the parrot had taught my three-year-old the word "slut". Now the two won't stop screaming "slut" throughout the whole house. My wife thinks both learned the word from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 226

You deserved it 1 157

By gp28 - 18/02/2010 20:08 - United States

Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 930

You deserved it 4 011

By Anonymous - 12/03/2013 04:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, my pet parrot learned a new trick. In addition to imitating my dog, and my voice when I call my mother, it can now imitate my sex noises, and likes to screech them whenever someone comes into the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 196

You deserved it 9 274

Next

Top comments

BlameTheOwls 14

Thursday 16 October 2014 9:27

Not gonna lie, that's a great image.

kiki1705 20

Thursday 16 October 2014 9:31

Is he having a hard time teaching them? =)

Comments

HannibalL3cter 5

Thursday 16 October 2014 9:45

There are weirder fetishes out there.. Just saying:)

calvinbenik 15

Thursday 16 October 2014 9:52

It is hard to maintain a boner that long without extra support, let alone when you're druk. Kudos to your bf!

fader48080 10

Thursday 16 October 2014 16:20

I was just thinking the same thing.

RedPillSucks 31

Thursday 16 October 2014 20:51

edit:wrong place

boris984 4

Thursday 16 October 2014 9:54

Sicko!

2i1337i2iscore 13

Thursday 16 October 2014 10:13

A brave man... Brave man

liesseling 13

Thursday 16 October 2014 10:20

Is there a video?

qnmt 9

Thursday 16 October 2014 11:19

Throw a search in Google. I bet you'll find more than one ;)

Shandra78 9

Thursday 16 October 2014 11:32

Ask him "Have you ever been bitten by a parrakeet?" Watch him go limp with three sets of needle sharp claws digging in to their 'perch' as they try not to slide off...

WhiteZoneRedZone 6

Thursday 16 October 2014 11:33

I think he would have had more luck if they were Cockatoos.

NPN_Scorpio 16

Thursday 16 October 2014 12:05

Polly wants a pecker.

KarlwithaK91 12

Thursday 16 October 2014 12:40

if he was at all successful, he might regret that one in the morning haha

LeBandit 20

Thursday 16 October 2014 12:52

this is something I have a "hard" time to wrap my mind around

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Keywords

Love Cheating Work Money Relatable Jealousy My ex Accident Health Medication ADHD Weather Snow Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts

The Top

Today, a blowjob from my fiancée turned into exchanged oral, which turned into mutual masturbation while watching porn, which then turned into me being kicked out of the room because it was "weird" with me watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 347

You deserved it 403

Today, my husband has been out partying all night. While my in-laws didn't ask him a single question, earlier I received more than six calls from them about when I'll be home to cook and clean. Where was I? In the office for the first time after working from home for past 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 058

You deserved it 111

The Top

Today, my cats found a new game to play. They each sit on either side of the cat flap, and take turns hitting it. Clack, clack. Clack, clack. At 3 am. Clack, clack. Clack, clack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 521

You deserved it 66

Today, I went to the dentist two years after having a front tooth knocked out because I could finally (barely) afford the $4000 bill for an implant. They checked me out and told me that my teeth have shifted to the point that I’ll need braces before receiving an implant, for another $4k bill. I’m sick of looking like a hick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 125

Today, whilst at work as a furniture salesperson, a couple was looking at a couch. As part of our sales technique, we invite people to take a seat. The man was wearing shorts, and his testicles dropped out to the side. I had to discuss fabric options, etc, whilst avoiding looking at his balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 865

You deserved it 980

Today, my temporarily unemployed husband had a brain wave. I'm five months pregnant and we have a 4-year-old. He thinks we should start a family vlog on YouTube, so we can get rich. I hate those awful family vlogs with a passion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 139

Today, I had six long hours with the same math teacher. To get home, I travel by bus. Guess who sat down next to me for the whole trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 36

Today, I was laying in bed when my sister came running in, scared. I took my bat and went into the kitchen where the suspicious noise was coming from. It was a rat, right in the middle of the floor. I jumped on the counter and shrieked, just as my girlfriend walked in, who then actually dealt with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 831