Love: Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend...

By facepalm - 15/10/2014 23:36 - United States - Gainesville

Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 424

You deserved it 4 386

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By NestHead - 01/10/2013 17:32 - Russian Federation - Moscow

Today, my two parrots decided that my head was the best place to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 096

You deserved it 5 864

Impressive

By Anonymous - 19/03/2009 02:57 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 431

You deserved it 19 342

By sexual parrot - 21/04/2014 18:42

Today, my boyfriend's parents' parrot won't stop imitating my sex moans, and keeps doing it whenever I speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 650

You deserved it 16 123

Freedom!

By Anonymous - 27/08/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I was showing off my new pet bird to my friends over video chat. I opened the cage to demonstrate how friendly he was. Instead of perching on my finger like usual, he flew out the window. I spent the next hour chasing him around the neighborhood in my pajamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 513

By chewybarseventy - 24/08/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 499

You deserved it 11 071

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 14:03 - United States

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, her pet bird whistled a tune she'd been trying to teach it. She stopped and congratulated it, and I took the chance to move it to the other room to prevent further distraction. She got mad and wouldn't let me back in bed because I just "untrained it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 477

You deserved it 7 711

Repetition

By Anonymous - 24/07/2022 03:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, it was my first time with a new boyfriend. We had sex in my living room. He asked if he could "eat my pussy." This has became my parakeet's new favorite phrase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 031

You deserved it 414

By Anonymous - 09/06/2016 19:39 - Germany - Munich

Today, I have to look after my best friend's parrot for a few days. One minute out of the room, I came back in to find out that the parrot had taught my three-year-old the word "slut". Now the two won't stop screaming "slut" throughout the whole house. My wife thinks both learned the word from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 226

You deserved it 1 157

By gp28 - 18/02/2010 20:08 - United States

Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 930

You deserved it 4 011

By Anonymous - 12/03/2013 04:43 - United States

Today, my pet parrot learned a new trick. In addition to imitating my dog, and my voice when I call my mother, it can now imitate my sex noises, and likes to screech them whenever someone comes into the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 196

You deserved it 9 274

BlameTheOwls 14

Thursday 16 October 2014 9:27

Not gonna lie, that's a great image.

kiki1705 20

Thursday 16 October 2014 9:31

Is he having a hard time teaching them? =)

Comments

XanderLance 19

Thursday 16 October 2014 12:54

imagine how much those claws would hurt digging in...

RA91 26

Thursday 16 October 2014 13:01

I'm sorry but...this is hilarious!!!!! LMAOOOOO!!!!!!!ROFL!!!!!!

sayyestothedress 24

Thursday 16 October 2014 13:05

My thoughts exactly!

vikky538 28

Thursday 16 October 2014 13:37

which one you are more worried about the baby parakeets or your boyfriends boner..

martin8337 35

Thursday 16 October 2014 13:37

Hopefully the birds won't peck his pecker. Or maybe so, he probably deserves it.

RedPillSucks 31

Thursday 16 October 2014 20:54

how much wood, would a wood pecker peck, if a wood pecker could peck wood

cadillacgal79 32

Thursday 16 October 2014 23:46

But woodpeckers can peck wood.

martin8337 35

Monday 24 November 2014 21:10

if a woodpecker could peck wood, it would peck as much wood as a woodpecker could peck.

PeterPanties 6

Thursday 16 October 2014 13:49

Wouldn't that be considered **********?

GentlemanBastard 15

Thursday 16 October 2014 16:01

He wasn't ******* the birds. So no.

omgwthilu 20

Thursday 16 October 2014 14:06

At least they were not woodpeckers.

UmmOkThen 31

Thursday 16 October 2014 14:25

That's actually super funny.

dakid87 10

Thursday 16 October 2014 14:38

If he master it, please let me know so I can master it too

oJoy 11

Thursday 16 October 2014 14:42

Argh! I would be worried

Keywords

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I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 142

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I agree, your life sucks 61 280

You deserved it 2 648

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I agree, your life sucks 1 109

You deserved it 262

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I agree, your life sucks 47 821

You deserved it 3 857

Today, I woke up when the guy I had spent the night with slid out of bed. When he realized I was awake, he looked down at me, shook his head, and said "I've gotta lay off the beer..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 424

You deserved it 14 011

Same thing different taste

Impressive

Freedom!

Repetition

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