Intimacy: Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do...

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 13:20 - Spain

Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 892

You deserved it 23 287

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 14/03/2011 19:16 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 963

You deserved it 14 589

By Sharibabi65 - 07/03/2012 06:16 - United States

Today, I told my fiancé I wanted to hear something romantic. He said, "My dick loves your mouth." I guess that's as good as it's going to get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 457

You deserved it 6 852

Loverman

By dating a manchild - 01/06/2012 23:50 - Denmark - Hellerup

Today, I arranged a romantic dinner for my boyfriend. His favourite meal, fresh flowers, scented candles. Everything went beautifully, at least until he wrapped an arm around me and whispered, "Want some dick?" into my ear. Mood horrifically ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 890

You deserved it 7 387

Spoiled the mood

By DFR - 09/06/2010 13:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a really really romantic way. After we called our parents to tell them the news, he turned to me and said, "Hey, I hope you know this doesn't mean you can start getting lazy with your blowjobs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 900

You deserved it 23 839

Whatever floats your boat

By Anonymous - 01/11/2012 11:48 - France - Belloy-en-france

Today, dressed in my sexiest nightie, I asked my boyfriend in the most sensual voice possible what he'd like me do to for him tonight. His eyed widened, he started clapping wildly, and then shrieked, "SPAGHETTI CARBONARA!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 693

You deserved it 5 055

By Anonymous - 19/06/2014 14:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was feeling unappreciated and asked my boyfriend if he loves me. He faltered and replied, "Uh, my dick does." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 679

You deserved it 8 434

By dummy - 17/02/2012 00:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky in bed. He mumbled something that sounded like "I love you." I replied "I love you too baby", to which he laughed then said, "I said I wanted you to blow me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 734

You deserved it 5 666

Snuggle up

By addictedtofml - 24/02/2009 07:31 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "Can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 814

You deserved it 19 982

Classy

By Username - 07/06/2011 06:51 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when he sweetly whispered in my ear, "It's not gonna suck itself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 980

You deserved it 13 039

By tjcl - 28/11/2009 06:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were gazing into each others' eyes in the moonlight after not having seen each other for a week. I thought he was going to say "I love you" and pull me in for a kiss. Instead, he said, "Since you can’t drive, we should get one of those two seater bicycles." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 306

You deserved it 9 464

amazinemo578 4

Wednesday 13 October 2010 19:07

what? that's romantic

spady62287 0

Wednesday 13 October 2010 19:07

WIN!

Comments

jadejazmyn 5

Wednesday 15 June 2011 5:15

I love your boyfriend he's hilarious lol lol. I would have slapped him! Lol still funny though

RailfanP42 0

Friday 24 June 2011 20:12

That's actually pretty funny XD

Crncj 0

Friday 1 July 2011 5:25

EPIC WIN. HES A KEEPER

haleyisawsomee 0

Saturday 9 July 2011 3:42

hahahahahha, your boyfriend sounds mad funny.

asianpersuasian2 9

Saturday 23 July 2011 20:37

well...he kinda has a point anything done in the moonlight is more romantic

allyrox123 0

Tuesday 26 July 2011 14:50

LOL

Eternityfalls 0

Friday 26 August 2011 3:49

damn

Impulseforyou 6

Saturday 22 October 2011 4:24

your boyfriend is a WIN! haha :D

ardmunch 7

Monday 24 October 2011 10:01

That's what I would have done ;) I love giving head.

Epikouros 31

Monday 7 November 2011 17:35

You love giving head and you embrace the little things in life - OMG, I found my dream girl!!!

xxJonaKillsxx 8

Wednesday 2 November 2011 21:26

That man is a poet

Keywords

Embarrassing Love Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Christmas Romantic Break-ups Money Annoying Gross Ironic Argument Friends Awkward Cute Haircut Holidays Lonely Relatable Capitalism Work Bosses You're fired Cars Covid Health Jealousy Cheating Parenting Kids

The Top

Today, I went to get the vaccination my college requires of all students. The nurse looked at my charts and told me there was good and bad news. The good news was that I didn't need the shot. The bad news was I needed four others. Now, both of my arms are swollen enough to make Popeye proud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 491

You deserved it 3 817

Today, I was jogging in the neighborhood. My new neighbor who lives three houses down clotheslines me and shouts, "You're the reason my wife won't have sex with me!" He then kicked me in the stomach and walked inside. Now I'm scared to leave my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 664

You deserved it 3 777

The Top

Today, I was sitting on the wooden edge of my coffee table watching my sister's boyfriend play Halo 2, when I leaned back to stretch and shattered the center pane of glass in the table. I now have a large gash in my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 586

You deserved it 25 700

Today, I’m a 32 year-old man with a wife, a dog, and 2 kids. I still pick my boogers and eat them, and have no plans to stop anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 168

You deserved it 1 082

Today, I found out that even though your brother agrees to watch your dogs for a week, it does not mean that he will pick up after them. Apparently, it's okay to leave piss and shit all over the deck and floors because they're not his dogs and he shouldn't have to clean up their messes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 720

You deserved it 4 114

Today, a friend pointed out to me that I bear a striking resemblance to Anne Frank. I'm a 16-year-old guy, and I'm inclined to agree with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 490

You deserved it 829

Today, after months of job hunting, I started a new job in a deli. I've been a vegetarian since I was 13, but it was the only job I could find. Turns out, I'm allergic to the preservatives they use, as my fingers now resemble sausages. Guess it's time to start job hunting again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 832

You deserved it 4 398

Today, my boyfriend invited me to his new apartment for a candle-lit dinner. While we were having drinks, I got up to wash my hands. Thinking that he was watching me walking away, I turned around to send him a kiss. He was spitting in my cocktail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 77