Intimacy: Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do...

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 13:20 - Spain

Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 892

You deserved it 23 287

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 14/03/2011 19:16 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 963

You deserved it 14 589

By Sharibabi65 - 07/03/2012 06:16 - United States

Today, I told my fiancé I wanted to hear something romantic. He said, "My dick loves your mouth." I guess that's as good as it's going to get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 457

You deserved it 6 852

Loverman

By dating a manchild - 01/06/2012 23:50 - Denmark - Hellerup

Today, I arranged a romantic dinner for my boyfriend. His favourite meal, fresh flowers, scented candles. Everything went beautifully, at least until he wrapped an arm around me and whispered, "Want some dick?" into my ear. Mood horrifically ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 890

You deserved it 7 387

Spoiled the mood

By DFR - 09/06/2010 13:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a really really romantic way. After we called our parents to tell them the news, he turned to me and said, "Hey, I hope you know this doesn't mean you can start getting lazy with your blowjobs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 900

You deserved it 23 839

Whatever floats your boat

By Anonymous - 01/11/2012 11:48 - France - Belloy-en-france

Today, dressed in my sexiest nightie, I asked my boyfriend in the most sensual voice possible what he'd like me do to for him tonight. His eyed widened, he started clapping wildly, and then shrieked, "SPAGHETTI CARBONARA!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 693

You deserved it 5 055

By Anonymous - 19/06/2014 14:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was feeling unappreciated and asked my boyfriend if he loves me. He faltered and replied, "Uh, my dick does." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 679

You deserved it 8 434

By dummy - 17/02/2012 00:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky in bed. He mumbled something that sounded like "I love you." I replied "I love you too baby", to which he laughed then said, "I said I wanted you to blow me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 734

You deserved it 5 666

Snuggle up

By addictedtofml - 24/02/2009 07:31 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "Can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 814

You deserved it 19 982

Classy

By Username - 07/06/2011 06:51 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when he sweetly whispered in my ear, "It's not gonna suck itself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 980

You deserved it 13 039

By tjcl - 28/11/2009 06:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were gazing into each others' eyes in the moonlight after not having seen each other for a week. I thought he was going to say "I love you" and pull me in for a kiss. Instead, he said, "Since you can’t drive, we should get one of those two seater bicycles." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 306

You deserved it 9 464

amazinemo578 4

Wednesday 13 October 2010 19:07

what? that's romantic

spady62287 0

Wednesday 13 October 2010 19:07

WIN!

Comments

Namenlos_fml 20

Wednesday 13 October 2010 20:44

Your fault for asking

hasan_shami2013 0

Wednesday 13 October 2010 20:52

lmao!!! he's fuckn hilarious

lovelyliz916 5

Wednesday 13 October 2010 20:54

Well I would have said, "I make you dinner, you make me breakfast." :)

morkeyz17 0

Wednesday 13 October 2010 20:57

I gotta say, your bf is effin hilarious!

skylinewhispers 0

Wednesday 13 October 2010 21:19

lol

crissyspic 0

Wednesday 13 October 2010 21:24

so suck his dick? I love sucking my boyfriends dick for sure!!!!;)

rogerover 19

Thursday 14 October 2010 16:48

You are a gem!

Hecka_cool 2

Wednesday 13 October 2010 21:24

your lucky he didn't ask for you to toss his salad in the moonlight

perdix 29

Wednesday 13 October 2010 21:30

If he could suck his own dick, why does he need you? On the other hand, I'll bet it sounded great in Spanish.

fireblait 0

Wednesday 13 October 2010 21:34

hhahahaha that made my day

stephy228 0

Wednesday 13 October 2010 21:37

I hope u FHL!

Keywords

Love Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Christmas Romantic Break-ups Money Annoying Gross Ironic Argument Friends Awkward Cute Haircut Holidays Lonely Relatable Capitalism Work Bosses You're fired Cars Covid Health Jealousy Cheating Parenting Kids

The Top

Today, my brother and sister-in-law come over ONLY to use up the resources at our house - like food, TV subscriptions, and other items. They claim to love my kids and come over for them. If only they would look up from their phone and spend actual time with the kids. Is there a way to block toxic relatives? FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 106

Today, during my staff Google Meet conference, I forgot to mute my mic when I joined and I was still listening to a true crime podcast. I started to notice people's confused looks and realized they were all hearing the details of the bodies found. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 044

You deserved it 1 085

The Top

Today, my phone started ringing in the other room. I ran to go pick it up, tripped over my coffee table which gashed my leg, and knocked over my brand new 50" LCD TV, which broke over my head. Turns out it was a wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 436

You deserved it 15 300

Today, I invited my boyfriend to come to an event to meet some of my friends for the first time. I had been raving about him for weeks, and everyone was curious to meet this "amazing guy" I'd been dating. He showed up in a Darth Vader costume because he thought it would be funny to embarrass me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 715

You deserved it 11 426

Today, I was performing the classic 69 position with my girlfriend. I wasn't able to control it : I farted right into her nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 091

You deserved it 27 485

Today, my dad grounded me for two weeks for profusely swearing at my misbehaving laptop. After some arguing, he actually accepted my half-joking offer to play a game of CoD over it. His condition was that if I lost, my grounding period would double. We played. He kicked my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 043

You deserved it 34 667

Who could stay mad at that face?

I agree, your life sucks 265

You deserved it 79

Today, the jackoffs at my new job kept making jokes about my prosthetic leg. When I finally lost my shit and told one of them to back off, he said "Woah there, Mr Pistorius!" then said he'll avoid using the restroom now in case I decide to shoot him through the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 052

You deserved it 1 898