Intimacy: Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room... - FML

By konens_dick - 22/03/2009 10:38 - United States

Spicy

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 276 802

You deserved it 37 130

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By nudesurprise - 16/04/2009 14:49 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was at my new apartment. My fiancé was coming home so I filled the apartment with candles and put on some sexy music. When he came up to my door, I answered the door, naked. What I didn't know was that he was bringing his dad to see the new apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 926

You deserved it 35 109

Pull up

By ohdeargodthatswrong - 09/01/2010 13:25 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when my dad pulled up to pick me up from his house. My dad beeped his horn and my boyfriend opened his bedroom curtain, knocked on the window, and waved. While he was still inside of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 477

You deserved it 6 198

Priorities

By MacBook - 14/05/2009 19:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, my dad was in town for a day. We only had about 3 hours to do something so we left right away. Right as we were about to leave my dad's slutty girlfriend came by for a "surprise visit". My dad told me he would be right back. They had sex for 2 hours and 45 minutes. In total, we talked for 15 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 020

You deserved it 4 187

By Anonymous - 22/07/2017 05:29 - United States - Irving

Spicy

Today, my dad unlocked the bathroom door and barged in without warning only to catch me, with no clothes on, masturbating. He said, "sorry" but stayed for another 20 seconds to look for his shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 175

You deserved it 1 277

Didn't see you there

By eatmyshipoopie - 18/12/2009 15:20 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend when my dad opened the door. I thought I hadn't been seen because the door was only open a tiny bit. I then looked into the mirror by the door to see my dad's reflection, staring at mine, horrified. I was on top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 663

You deserved it 10 158

By jane smith - 01/07/2010 12:11 - Australia

Spicy

Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday, and I thought I'd surprise him after work by wearing nothing but a smile on his bed. As I heard someone come in, I had a huge smile on my face. Turns out it was his dad and all his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 591

You deserved it 18 053

By peaaaak - 03/06/2011 10:17 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my dad came round to the house. Looking rather pleased with himself he pulled out his phone, grinned, and chucked it over to me. I glanced at the screen to see a naked woman. He smiled and said "I tapped that last night". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 216

You deserved it 5 053

By ugh - 12/03/2010 06:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got home early from work. When I got home I got to see my dad chasing my mom around the house, naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 124

You deserved it 3 623

A heads up next time maybe?

By Bob - 07/04/2020 02:00

Spicy

Today, when my girlfriend walked out the room, for a laugh, I covered my whole body except my knob in blankets. Then when I heard her come back in, I yelled, "Surprise!" It was her mom, who'd dropped by unannounced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 691

You deserved it 1 018

Quick, hide!

By Mattyboy - 24/08/2009 09:57 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house. When things started heating up, I heard the front door open and my girlfriend said that it must be her Dad. She handed me my clothes, pushed me out the window, and told me to knock at the front door. Her Dad answered, holding my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 943

You deserved it 18 652

Next

Top comments

CptJackSwallows 0

Sunday 22 March 2009 16:28

that is bloody funny. Plan on how to get him back.

Inkspell 2

Sunday 22 March 2009 16:29

LMAO. that's a fun roommate.

Comments

iluvme4never 0

Friday 12 November 2010 5:04

wow...

Poetik650_fml 0

Monday 15 November 2010 5:55

Hahahahahah. Classic!

mikomajik 0

Wednesday 17 November 2010 20:03

just wait till the next time he brings a girl home and then stare at her while touchin ur self. just a thought

mnachreiner24 0

Saturday 20 November 2010 22:04

your grammar blows

nobunaga0416 0

Wednesday 24 November 2010 8:33

LMAO!! That's hilarious!!!

quin01 0

Saturday 4 December 2010 3:27

uber?

bongomanacome 0

Saturday 4 December 2010 6:14

You're room mate is awesome. You are a douche. Have fun in this life. It might be hard on you.

FairyTales_fml 6

Wednesday 15 December 2010 3:43

lmao.. love the roommate. very funny lol

mrsgene 0

Saturday 25 December 2010 2:03

don't you love college?

Rylieexox 0

Monday 27 December 2010 15:30

this is hilarious! haha

35
36
37
38
39
40
41
42
43
44

Keywords

Love Cheating Money Relatable Work Jealousy My ex Health Accident ADHD Medication Snow Weather Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts

The Top

Today, I found out that my grandson is actually my stepson, my son is his half-brother, and my soon to be ex-husband impregnated our son’s wife, who’s a third his age. Yet somehow my slimy ex is the victim in all this because our son beat him to a bloody pulp while I did nothing to stop it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 559

You deserved it 91

Stop everything you're doing right now, there's an (almost) naked lady in today's illustration! Plus, there's a puppet AND doctors. It's the perfect illustration, made by Gemma Correll, our British artist of the day. Check out her interview! ...

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 9

The Top

Today, my fiancé's mother made him pack his stuff and move to Montana while I was at work. I came home to a half-written note because she wouldn’t let him finish. We own a house together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 474

You deserved it 468

Today, while zooming down the interstate, I had to tell my husband to put his penis away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 472

You deserved it 6 655

Today, after reading a very emotional article about always letting your loved ones know how much you love them in case it's your last time seeing them, I went to my mom and told her how much I loved her and how thankful I was for everything. Her reply? "Shut up kid, Vince Vaughn is on Ellen". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 998

You deserved it 4 571

Today, I tried to dye my hair blonde using a DIY kit I found online. As I was washing out the dye, I realized my hair had turned bright orange. I had to wear a hat all day to avoid being seen in public with a Johnny Rotten fright-wig. FML

I agree, your life sucks 263

You deserved it 759

Today, I was supposed to leave for Disney. Our trip was cancelled last year because of the pandemic. This morning, we found out my sister’s boyfriend, who was a last-minute add-on to the trip, has COVID. Cancelled again. Maybe next year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 109

You deserved it 159

Today, after a trip to see my doctor, I found out that my recent mood swings and hot flashes are the result of a hormonal imbalance that mimics the effects of menopause. I'm a 17 year-old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 168

You deserved it 2 457