Intimacy: Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting...

By Marco - 01/04/2013 21:00 - United States

Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 016

You deserved it 45 626

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Same thing different taste

By Otherguy - 18/11/2008 07:36 - France

Today, I was at a restaurant with a girl I like, and as I was getting my wallet out, I dropped a condom. She didn't see anything, and I didn't dare pick it up in case I drew attention to the "object". The waiter walked past, picked up, and held it out to me with a huge grin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 979

You deserved it 9 415

Forget me not

By ohgodwhyfml - 28/11/2015 14:32 - United States - Danbury

Today, a girl I'd been talking to all night actually wanted to come home with me. Stopped to buy condoms. Got home, clothes came off, took out a condom. "Sorry, I'm allergic to latex". She left in a cab. I'm a 27-year old virgin for another night and now have a box of condoms to remind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 079

You deserved it 3 232

By Sal - 09/02/2009 18:32 - United States

Today, I found a used condom and wrapper in the bathroom trash can at my girlfriends house. The condom is not a brand I've ever used. She lives alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 761

You deserved it 5 274

By Jebus - 24/01/2009 16:07 - Canada

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 117

You deserved it 34 791

By Anonymous - 31/07/2012 03:36 - United States - Chicago

Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 450

You deserved it 42 554

To do what?

By Anonymous - 02/04/2022 02:00 - Australia - Shailer Park

Today, I opened my boyfriend's bedside table drawer. There was a condom wrapper in there. We don't use condoms. He claims he didn’t have sex with anybody, he just wanted to put the condom over his hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 066

You deserved it 205

It's a trap!

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2009 22:58 - United States

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 636 911

You deserved it 798 773

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2012 22:58 - United States

I agree, your life sucks 776

You deserved it 1 824

By mrdave - 04/07/2009 05:54 - Canada

Today, I looked in my pocket for the phone number of a girl I met last night at a party. I remembered us talking and exchanging phone numbers. When I found the piece of paper, I discovered that instead of writing her number down, I had drunkenly written down my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 905

You deserved it 46 474

By useless pos - 01/03/2013 00:48 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 293

You deserved it 12 381

Squygm 7

Tuesday 2 April 2013 9:06

Well, it's not good for the quality of the condom to keep them in your wallet anyway.

lissa_jade 22

Tuesday 2 April 2013 9:11

"don't have sex because you will get pregnant and die." looks like drunk you was remembering coach carr's sex ed lesson. he was just looking out for you!

Comments

Jacksparrow72 21

Tuesday 2 April 2013 17:05

At least you're getting laid.

Senseless_487 29

Tuesday 2 April 2013 17:21

I see child support and Maury Povich in your future.

tishtashbat 16

Tuesday 2 April 2013 17:44

YDI for thinking you only having ONE condom. I'll never understand why people don't just buy another pack when stocks are low. What if the last one breaks? Also she deserves it too - girls should carry condoms if there's a chance they're going home with someone. You can't leave it all up to the guy - or you end up in this situation.

vbmg152 18

Tuesday 2 April 2013 18:22

Next time have more than the old dried out one in your wallet! Condoms dry out in a wallet. It would've broken on you anyway! Probably saved you heart ache 9 months from now!

Kk_Waylen24 21

Tuesday 2 April 2013 18:36

You only have one??

Ray_of_midnight 22

Tuesday 2 April 2013 19:16

You shouldn't carry a condom in your wallet anyway, the heat from your body as well as the pressure from being in a wallet will break down the rubber and it'll fail.

xkncas 8

Tuesday 2 April 2013 19:26

Keeping a condom in your wallet against your body can cause it to become weak from the constant warmth from your body... Geez, they taught me that in sex Ed in 6th grade...in 1996/1997...