Love: Today, I called up my ex girlfriend to ask her if I could come...

By dude - 20/01/2009 14:01 - France

Today, I called up my ex girlfriend to ask her if I could come round hers to get my pyjamas back. She replied: "I'm keeping them just in case..." - "In case of what?" - "In case I want to dress up like an asshole". FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 534

You deserved it 28 976

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Same thing different taste

Why would you do that?

By HughGorgy - 20/03/2009 05:37 - Canada

Today, after sex with my girlfriend, I thought it would be sexy to wear her underwear until we saw each other again. I found a pair in her bathroom, but they definitely weren't her sexy ones. Her mom walked in on me to collect the laundry and screeched, "What are you doing with my panties!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 387

You deserved it 103 232

I'll get the kettle on

By Anonymous - 22/10/2024 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I got locked out of my house while wearing pyjamas. I didn’t have my phone, so I had to ask my neighbour to call a locksmith. She insisted on chatting at me for an hour about her love life, while I sat there waiting desperately for the locksmith in my dinosaur-print pyjamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345

You deserved it 177

Looking good

By Alex - 31/07/2024 16:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I was expecting a package from Amazon, so when the doorbell rang I rushed out in my pajamas. It wasn't the delivery guy. It was my ex and her new boyfriend, here to drop off some of my old stuff. I'd answered the door wearing an anime onesie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 196

You deserved it 505

Memories

By exasperated - 17/04/2014 03:14 - United States - Houston

Today, I got a call from the police that my house had been burglarized, but an off-duty cop caught the criminal. I pull up to see my detained, psycho ex-boyfriend sheepishly grinning at me. He had three of my lace panties and two of my bras, claiming it was "all for memories' sake". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 191

You deserved it 4 622

By meegs - 17/10/2010 00:31 - Canada

Today, my sister asked me if she could go into my closet to borrow my favourite dress for a party she was going to tonight. When I asked her where she was going, she said to a Halloween costume party. My sister is going as a prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 027

You deserved it 31 776

By Honest mistake - 18/04/2018 05:00

Today, I bought a tail for my girlfriend to dress as a cat at a hen party. She put the box in her suitcase, then left to catch her plane. I checked my purchase history and realised it's a cat tail butt plug. Now she keeps ringing me, but I'm too chicken to answer the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 426

You deserved it 5 210

By Anonymous - 24/08/2014 05:51 - United States - Hicksville

Today, my girlfriend sent me a bunch of sexy pics and said to come over to her place. I thought she was in the mood for sex. Nope, she just wanted me to come over and hang a shelf, after which she sent me back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 943

You deserved it 7 033

By Anonymous - 27/08/2009 19:28 - United States

Today, I lazily answered the door in my pajamas. It was my elderly neighbor asking to borrow a can opener. Despite the strange and unwarranted scowl she was giving me I obliged. It wasn't until after she had left that I notice my penis was completely sticking out through the flap in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 959

You deserved it 21 612

By Tomtom - 17/11/2008 05:04 - France

Today, I put on the same jeans that I had left in a bundle in my bedroom the day before. A few hours later, my boxer shorts decided to make their spectacular reappearance trick at the bottom of my leg in the middle of one of my meetings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 089

You deserved it 11 613

Dodged a bullet

By Anonymous - 22/10/2022 04:00

Today, I went through the stuff that I'd left at my ex’s place and started unpacking it. I found a pair of another girl's panties. We broke up a little over a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 162

maiden_girl 5

Saturday 14 February 2009 16:10

Hahaha! You must've really pissed her off... what did you do exactly that made you an asshole? I'm curious now.

deartragedy51 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 7:58

psh. i should have done the exact thing with my ex. xD

Comments

betterthingstodo 0

Monday 21 September 2009 6:52

haha nice

nordies4 0

Sunday 10 January 2010 0:51

spelling fail!!!!!!!

chondos 0

Thursday 21 January 2010 15:24

Seriously? You get all your stuff BEFORE you dump someone. You get what you get for being so shortsighted.

imortal20 0

Sunday 25 April 2010 1:13

she's awesome YDI

alexxss_fml 10

Wednesday 26 May 2010 4:19

were they footsie pj's? --skidoosh!!

sammyprosnit 8

Thursday 22 July 2010 19:49

Comment moderated.

Gorsbug823 0

Sunday 25 July 2010 17:20

haha

jwbbabe 9

Sunday 24 October 2010 0:27

ownned . (:

pegasii 0

Thursday 18 November 2010 10:57

exactly my first thought.

supahnazi 0

Monday 3 January 2011 4:02

its spelled pajamas

Keywords

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The Top

Today, after my husband got ready for work, he touched my arm and slowly bent down. I assumed he was going to say he loved me and to have a good day. As I quickly thought of a loving response and prepared to give him a kiss, he whispered in my ear, "Did you put a dead mouse in the toilet?" Thanks a lot, cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 946

You deserved it 132

Today, I set up my phone to take a time-lapse video of the sunset. When I checked the footage later, all I saw was me running back and forth because I’d forgotten my keys and wallet multiple times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 417

The Top

Today, on my wife's and my 30th wedding anniversary, my dad once again told me the "honeymoon phase" won't last and soon we'll begin hating each other, and fighting all the time. Dad, it's been thirty fucking years and we're still very in love. Just admit you and mom had a shitty relationship and leave us alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 566

You deserved it 118

Today, I realized I have been single for far too long when I was turning off porno after porno because I couldn't stand the horrible acting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 357

You deserved it 6 021

Today, on the train, a man kept grabbing my crotch. When I told him to stop, I got yelled at for harassing an elderly man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 242

You deserved it 307

Today, my boyfriend left me for a girl I know. She was the girl my last boyfriend left me for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 886

You deserved it 3 803

Today, I realized that without fail, even if I'm not supposed to get it, I get my period just in time for vacations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 937

You deserved it 1 407

Today, I went to the dentist for a routine cleaning, only to find out that I had been brushing my teeth wrong for years. He told me you're supposed to let the toothpaste do its magic instead of rinsing it off. Is this true? FML

I agree, your life sucks 353

You deserved it 407