Miscellaneous: Today, I came home to find my drunken father sitting on our front... - FML

By embaressed - 20/09/2010 02:13 - United States

Today, I came home to find my drunken father sitting on our front lawn. He had a blanket, lit candle, and was singing with his eyes closed. He told me he believed he was Buddha from watching the history channel. Meanwhile, cars were driving by our house beeping, and yelling "praise the lord!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 462

You deserved it 2 919

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 01/05/2015 20:02 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, a drunk man started yelling at the lamppost outside my house, demanding to be let inside, all while my neighbors watched. That man is my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 361

You deserved it 2 466

By meeeoow - 22/01/2011 10:05 - Australia

Today, my drunken father decided to walk my quiet street naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 667

You deserved it 2 777

Stoners of the world unite!

By Andy - 04/04/2020 23:00

Today, I came home to my 60-something year-old father, stoned off his ass, buck naked in our living room, doing a spirited rendition of "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" with an Australian accent and a tambourine. The windows were open. The poor neighborhood children will most likely need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 734

You deserved it 201

By paige - 01/04/2011 03:18 - United States

Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 729

You deserved it 5 789

By Sadfaic - 23/01/2012 02:59 - United States

Today, my long lost father came to visit me. He got drunk, then tried to beat me up. My neighbor called the police, and as soon as they got there, my father yelled, "Help! This man tried to stab me!" The sad part is, they believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 644

You deserved it 2 151

Bored

By Anonymous - 17/12/2020 22:58 - Canada - Newmarket

Today, my alcoholic dad finally came to see to my last dance recital after years of never showing up to watch me. He got kicked out of the audience for snoring too loud. I could hear him from the stage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 153

You deserved it 76

By bellerz14 - 23/12/2011 02:58 - United States

Today, I saw my dad sitting in the car alone, blaring classical music, blowing up beach balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 998

You deserved it 4 223

By Z - 09/04/2011 22:29 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad decided to have a little father and daughter bonding time. Unfortunately, his idea of bonding involves him sitting around at home, getting piss drunk, and falling asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 460

You deserved it 3 035

By monquiqui - 04/07/2011 05:45 - United States

Today, I had to drive my drunk parents home from a party. They leaned out the window and barked at everyone we passed all the way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 105

You deserved it 3 925

He's still got it

By Anonymous - 26/10/2019 00:01

Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 706

You deserved it 151

Next

Top comments

schwancy 2

Monday 20 September 2010 9:07

Sounds like your dad might have been more than just drunk.

SirSantpoort 0

Monday 20 September 2010 9:06

he on crack

Comments

the4ork 2

Wednesday 22 September 2010 2:44

my dad got a ticket today for peeing in the front lawn, sober

kyouka 8

Wednesday 22 September 2010 3:22

haha, that's actually hilarious. awesome :)

seximexi911 10

Wednesday 22 September 2010 5:41

what a hardass lol

mk58 31

Tuesday 7 June 2011 23:13

This might just be one of my favorite FMLs.

Shadow_Spark 3

Thursday 8 September 2011 10:01

Ouch, tough luck. *is very glad none of her family drinks*

Psycho_Babydoll 26

Thursday 20 October 2011 7:36

Your life doesn't suck, it's awesome. I wish my dad did that.

sjhill 32

Saturday 24 December 2011 11:35

Are you sure your dad wasn't smoking something as well?

hicaduda 8

Thursday 26 June 2014 6:20

Yeah Buddhism!

kit9895 8

Thursday 1 October 2015 5:26

you spelled "embarrassed" wrong

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 84

Today, I met a really attractive guy outside of a club. We came back to my apartment and had sex. Afterward, we both fell asleep. I woke up and found 20 dollars on my nightstand that wasn't there before. He thought I was a prostitute, and apparently a cheap one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 487

You deserved it 38 932

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 101

Today, I woke up next to my boyfriend of two years. I realized I was going to be late for work, so I asked him to hand me my underwear. I had never seen the underwear he gave me before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 213

You deserved it 3 873

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You deserved it 454

Today, while having hot sex with my boyfriend, I was experiencing my very first orgasm. Right when my mother walked in. We had no blankets. FML

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You deserved it 8 323

Today, my son announced he wants to be a YouTuber, and wants to make videos of himself doing violent things to pregnant women. He’s 9. FML

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You deserved it 365

Today, I asked my husband to watch our daughter while I ran a few errands. While he treated himself to a long nap, she decided our fish needed a bubble bath, and squeezed out an entire bottle of dish soap. I came home to bubbles all over the floor, five dead fish, and one sleeping husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 228

You deserved it 3 046