Health: Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her...

By Scott - 15/09/2011 07:34 - United States

Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 293

You deserved it 6 420

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Same thing different taste

By blargh - 03/10/2013 17:39 - Russian Federation - Moscow

Today, at work, I was taking a woman's measurements while she held her screaming baby. To silence the infant, she whipped out her breast right there and started feeding him. Moments later, he puked breast milk all over my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 079

You deserved it 4 055

Not cool

By Wet - 21/06/2023 15:00

Today, a woman started breastfeeding her infant in a restaurant. Disgusted, I told her to take it to the bathroom, as I was eating. In response, she squirted me with milk then went back to ignoring me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 236

You deserved it 3 943

Mommy milkers

By Anonymous - 30/09/2009 05:17 - Malaysia

Today, we ran out of milk and my 4 year-old son came up to me and asked if he could "milk" my wife's breasts for his cereal. Apparently, he thinks my wife doesn't love him and his sister is selfish for not sharing her milk. His sister is only one month old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 146

You deserved it 4 262

Oh, hello…

By superclutz - 07/07/2009 02:09 - United States

Today, I left something in my boss's office. The door was closed which usually means she isn't in there, so I asked her coworker/friend for the key. When I opened the door, she screamed at me to get out of there. Turns out, she has just stopped breastfeeding her son and was pumping her breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 434

You deserved it 21 179

By crapedup - 10/10/2011 23:11 - United States

Today, I mentioned to my wife that we should try marriage counseling. She responded by denying it while throwing a carton of milk at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 051

You deserved it 3 077

By milkysubstance - 14/03/2017 05:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I went to the doctor's to find out why I was producing small amounts of milky liquid from my nipples, even though I'm not pregnant. When she asked me to show her, I squirted on her shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 129

You deserved it 496

By Anonymous - 27/10/2013 16:08 - United States - Ballwin

Today, my wife ate nothing all day due to her morning sickness, but I tried to get her to eat something light, for our baby's sake. I brought her a banana. She yelled at me for being a "pervert" and accused me of just wanting to watch her stick a phallic object in her mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 075

You deserved it 5 499

By Anonymous - 31/01/2014 22:08 - United States - Blue Earth

Today, my evening was shot to hell when I found my pregnant wife on the floor, sobbing because we'd run out of cheese sticks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 425

You deserved it 9 063

By reasonablysingle - 11/06/2016 03:27 - Australia - Greystanes

Today, I'm taking care of my 12-year-old daughter because my ex-wife thought she could cure our daughter's lactose intolerance by sneaking milk into her soy breakfast. The milk had expired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 373

You deserved it 1 266

By unknown951 - 29/11/2010 07:11

Today, I went to the doctor because recently I've had a white liquid coming from my breast. I found out it's milk. I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 644

You deserved it 4 764

aaronmk 7

Thursday 15 September 2011 12:13

If I had breasts.. I probably would have tried that ..

emmas03 0

Thursday 15 September 2011 12:08

shes warming them up for the little fella'

Comments

ARMYMAN89D 0

Thursday 15 September 2011 18:44

got milk?

GoneClubbin 9

Thursday 15 September 2011 18:52

What?

garfield224 0

Thursday 15 September 2011 19:02

Do it for her

BlueBug94 4

Thursday 15 September 2011 19:07

Did it work? That's what I wanna know

structuredchaoz 4

Thursday 15 September 2011 19:08

You've tried self felatio. Don't lie.

davek 36

Thursday 15 September 2011 19:08

Did you join in?

jerry2011 4

Thursday 15 September 2011 19:11

Please tell her to leave some for your little one

letsgetouttahere 3

Thursday 15 September 2011 19:27

I'd try doing that :D

oakley89 0

Thursday 15 September 2011 19:32

No harm in that, unlike **** it's proven to be good healthy stuff

loserman67 35

Thursday 15 September 2011 19:33

You should have held out a bowl of Cheerios and asked her if she could spare a squirt or two...

Keywords

Miscellaneous Family DIY Cats Management Work Poopoo peepee Awkward Capitalism Relatable Coworkers Frustration Am I overreacting? Animals ADHD Dogs Transportation Love Dating Health Anxiety Technology Mental health Sleep Roommate Clumsy Noise Confused AITA Parents

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 1 715

Today, I was jogging in the neighborhood. My new neighbor who lives three houses down clotheslines me and shouts, "You're the reason my wife won't have sex with me!" He then kicked me in the stomach and walked inside. Now I'm scared to leave my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 655

You deserved it 3 775

The Top

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You deserved it 12 332

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I agree, your life sucks 54 734

You deserved it 6 116

Today, I was in class and really needed to pee. My teacher has chosen to replace our hall pass with a copy of War and Peace. She picks out a page for us to memorise on the shitter, and repeat by heart later. If we can't remember, we get locked out of class, and then get detention for being absent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 731

You deserved it 3 429

Today, I had a bad and very unenthusiastic one night stand and tried to quietly order an Uber while she was getting dressed. Turns out, she's an Uber driver and being as she was in the area, the alert came over her phone. She was furious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 839

You deserved it 902

Today, as I realized I'm too broke to go out and get more toilet paper, I noticed my cat chewing on something and tearing it apart. It was my last roll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 764

You deserved it 606

Today, the Star Wars Cantina song had been stuck in my head since I woke up, as my brother was humming it. I finally managed to get it out of my head. Then my mom started to whistle it. It's stuck in my head again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 184

You deserved it 4 269

Same thing different taste

Not cool

Mommy milkers

Oh, hello…

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