*been

I dont think that would pop out that late in a relationship - as people have said, couples tend to have already talked about these things before marriage or moving in or whatever. But ignoring that, no, I honestly wouldn't be 'stunned' and it wouldn't cause any relationship issues. I think most people probably experiment at some point. *shrugs* Wouldn't phase me.

Yes, most couples talk about this stuff, but it's entirely possible that OP's wife kept this from him. My ex had me believing that his mother was dead for about a year before I learned that she was in fact alive. Similarly, unless his wife's friends have loose lips or he happened to meet this female lover, there's no way he'd know about it if his wife wasn't honest with him. And, I'm sorry, but I think something like this would come as a shock to most people. I'm not pointing the finger at you, doodlecloud, but I think most people would be kidding themselves if they were to deny it. Sexuality is a big part of what makes a person who they are, and has an even bigger impact on their romantic relationships. If that wasn't the case, then there wouldn't be so many gay pride parades and such an effort to legalize gay marriage. To suddenly find out that your wife is bisexual when for years you thought she was heterosexual would completely change the image of who she is to you, if not because of her sexuality, then because you've learned that she's been keeping something pretty significant from you for years. And in my particular case, if I found something out like this about my boyfriend, I'd still love him, but I'd be really surprised, and I'd probably be angry that he told me he'd only slept with two other women before me when that wasn't the case.

BTW, I don't think most people experiment. I'm sure some do, but I know I never have, and I don't know anyone who has admitted as much. Those I know who have slept with both genders did it because they were attracted to those people, not because they wanted to find out if they were attracted to them.

"or is it different because gay men are flamboyant and weird?" No 43, I imagine it's more because you're a bit of a dick. Also, starting a sentence with "I'm not a homophobe but..." is never going to end well. People can **** who they want and don't have to justify it. I'd feel bad for your boyfriend if he ever told you about a past gay experience.

63, I suggest you reread my comments and reconsider who is being a dick. I was referring to societal attitudes I've observed, not my own attitude. For some reason, lesbians have been deemed sexually desirable, while gay men have been portrayed in movies and television shows as effeminate and eccentric. This hasn't been my own experience, and I also don't buy the effeminate gay man stereotype at all. I don't know if scientific understanding has changed since then, but according to a class I took in college about human sexuality and development, male homosexuality is most likely caused by increased testosterone levels in the womb. In other words, gay men, chemically speaking, are not more feminine, but rather hyper masculine. And I only said I'd be surprised if I learned my boyfriend had a past gay lover, not that I'd stop loving him. I'm just being honest here and I don't appreciate being condemned for being honest, because if we can't be honest then there's no point in having a discussion.

To make myself clear: 1) I don't think people would be reacting the way that they are if the roles were reversed and it was a woman learning that her husband was bisexual. I certainly don't think people would be saying "so use that to your advantage." So perhaps you people should quit pointing the finger at me and do some self-reflection and examine your own prejudices. 2) It doesn't make sense to condemn OP when it's his wife that's been keeping a secret from him all these years, and a secret that's apparently important enough to her to name her daughter after that secret. If the FML said, "Today I went on a date with a girl I really like. She confessed to me that she's bisexual. FML." Yeah, I'd wonder what the big deal was myself. But this is his WIFE and the mother of his children. I think OP deserves some understanding since he's just learned he doesn't know his wife as well as he thought.

Trying to defend yourself never works; the FML community has chosen, for better or worse. Try again tomorrow :)

So you're saying that people here simply refuse to hear out an opinion they disagree with no matter how rational it is? Yeah, I got that. I can understand why OP would be upset to learn that his wife has been secretly bisexual, or at lest kept a homosexual experience a secret for years, and I don't think that makes either of us a bad person. If people disagree then I guess there's nothing I can do about it.

Nah, I think it's more that they already made up their minds about how much of an idiot you sound when stereotyping gay people and then giving the excuse that it's how they're portrayed in movies and television, and it's not your own experience, after you had just said that you've had many gay and bisexual friends. I don't really get what the big deal is about finding out your partner is bisexual. Maybe OP's wife just didn't think it was a big deal. Or maybe OP's wife just doesn't need to put a label on herself.

I suggest you take a literature class, Nyx. You clearly need to work on your reading comprehension. I was suggesting that others buy into stereotypes with that last sentence, not perpetuating the stereotype myself. I guess another problem here is that people are poor at reading and understanding rhetoric or anything that isn't completely straight forward, and so once they decided they didn't like me, they we're too closed minded to change their minds once I elaborated.

*were

So what's the point in talking about the stereotype if you "don't buy it" yourself, gracehi? Yeah, the best way to not perpetuate a stereotype is repeating it. You're funny. :P You're probably deluding yourself if you think that just because you "elaborated" that people need to change their minds. That's very... closed-minded of you. Do you go around telling everyone "OH BY THE WAY, I'M HETEROSEXUAL"? Because if you don't, then maybe you should, lest someone wrongly assumes you're bisexual.

I understand that people disagree with my view on this situation and I don't take issue with that. You didn't see me accuse doodlecloud of having poor reading comprehension, did you? She disagreed with me, but clearly understood what I was saying. But when people accuse me of being prejudiced and unintelligent because they thought I was labeling gay men with a stereotype, when actually I was accusing others of having a double standard because I don't think they would react the same way if the roles were reversed, then yes, I'm going to point out that they misunderstood me.

Now I'm sad. You didn't answer any of my questions. Of course you didn't accuse doodlecloud, but you did accuse laurensabutton. So, I'm going to refrain from telling you that you need to take a literature class as well, and just ask my question again: what's the point of talking about the stereotype? You're talking about a double-standard, and you're just giving a stereotypical reason for that perceived double-standard. How does that not make you sound prejudiced?

I made it clear. I don't think people would be so hard on OP if the gender roles were reversed and it were the wife who discovered that her husband was bisexual simply because those stereotypes exist, both the negative one with regard to gay men and the positive one with regard to lesbians. This conversation is going in circles now. Have a good day.

Fight! Fight! Fight!

For what it's worth, I agree with you, gracehi. I would be shocked; that's information that is pertinent to the background of your significant other. If it's not a big deal, why hide it? I have friends all across the sexuality spectrum, but I feel like I know my husband pretty well.

Thank you, Emily. I appreciate that.

Uh-huh. Or it's homophobia. Let's go with that.

1 gay experience doesn't make you gay. People can be bisexual and happily committed to one partner of one sex. Or she could just have been experimenting. I don't think a past gay experience is cause for concern, and it's probably very common.

If it was just an "experiment" then why name her daughter after the woman? I would think that people typically name their children after people who were important to them. Then again, people usually don't name their children after their former lovers either, so who knows in this case.

Well, you're clearly a judgmental dick-head 60, so lets go with THAT.

Yes, by all means, violate her privacy because OP found out his wife is bisexual. Stellar logic.

Past lovers == cheating. It's entirely possible (and likely probable) that OP's wife was completely faithful during all four relationships. Though I will admit that it's weird she named her kids after them :| There's nothing to warrant OP going into snoop mode; it's not implied she cheated.