Health: Today, I finally went to the bathroom after being constipated...

By Me - 20/06/2011 16:14 - United States

Today, I finally went to the bathroom after being constipated for two days. The good news? I lost two pounds. The bad news? The toilet won't flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 509

You deserved it 5 625

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 14/05/2012 03:14 - United States

Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 789

You deserved it 3 069

By Poopie - 29/01/2011 06:06 - Canada

Today, after suffering from constipation for three days, I finally took a dump. Just as things reached the point of no return, my land line and doorbell all rang. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 223

You deserved it 3 219

You need more fiber

By Anonymous - 30/04/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I finally got over having constipation for two days straight. It came in the form of a normal-sized, rock-hard turd that made me scream "Ow!" when it came out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 110

By constipated - 03/06/2017 02:00

Today, I was fired from my job for being constipated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 340

You deserved it 454

Yoyo

By jetpack girl - 22/02/2023 22:00

Today, after months of grueling hard work, I'd finally gained five pounds. Too bad I lost it all and then some, due to one good stomach flu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 103

By missbutthole - 04/06/2011 13:07 - United States

Today, after being chronically constipated for the better part of a week, I finally have the urge to poop. Too bad I'm 30 minutes early to work and locked out of the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 707

You deserved it 3 889

Deal breaker

By frankie - 19/01/2009 01:01 - Canada

Today, I had a date with a girl. After movies and dinner, we came back to my place. I had to go to the washroom BADLY. I took a BIG #2 and when I went to flush the toilet to my horror it wouldn't flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 911

You deserved it 3 547

Slid right out

By Tabby Rosas - 21/02/2021 21:30

Today, after 8 days of being on a medication that makes it hard to go to the bathroom and no luck taking laxatives and drinking coffee and apple juice, I finally got to go. Too bad I was at my desk at work when it happened. I washed out my pants in the bathroom and got to sit in wet pants for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 86

By Anonymous - 01/06/2016 11:05 - Canada - Saint-laurent

Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 516

You deserved it 869

The Gush

By Anonymous - 10/10/2019 22:01

Today, I had planned to do a twenty-minute colon cleanse enema for weight loss. Instead, I woke up in the middle of the night with uncontrollable diarrhea that’s still going strong. Eight hours and counting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 2 055

HippoCampus 7

Monday 20 June 2011 23:08

Tell your toilet to quit being so full of shit!

miserypoison 13

Monday 20 June 2011 23:07

0-1 Toilet wins.

Comments

chalmers86 0

Monday 20 June 2011 23:57

I actually feel sorry for plumbers ... two pounds? Think of the smell!

IcySnake 0

Tuesday 21 June 2011 0:00

I wasn't serious lol

doof234 0

Tuesday 21 June 2011 0:03

pedophiles these days, they even disguise as babysitters? or maybe it was a catholic priest...

A7X_LoVeee 10

Tuesday 21 June 2011 0:11

wrong fml buddy lol

blacopps 5

Tuesday 21 June 2011 0:04

gross

FarSide 22

Tuesday 21 June 2011 0:05

I was afraid after a week we were not going to see any more shit FML's. Worried for nothing.

ImaMonsterRawr 0

Tuesday 21 June 2011 0:25

A weight lifted off your shoulders? o.o

YacL 15

Tuesday 21 June 2011 0:27

49- Way to make that sound like you're having an ****** instead of pooping.

worldcupcheer17 0

Tuesday 21 June 2011 0:27

good luck unclogging that toilet!

xFaust_fml 12

Tuesday 21 June 2011 0:27

But... How often do you poop? Two days seems pretty normal to me...

JuniorBSTN 3

Tuesday 21 June 2011 0:28

Sick ass foo !

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my sister was concerned that her daughter (my niece) was sick, and hesitant to take her to the ER. I asked if she'd eaten something she shouldn't have, and she replied, "No, especially since we feed her the most healthy food we can." This was fine until I flipped out when she said, "We even give her raw milk so that she'll be strong." FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 119

Today, I realized that I will never be able to buy the car I've wanted since middle school. The car? A greyish-silver Volvo, which is the make and color of car Kurt Cobain drove. The reason? I've been informed that it's also the make and color of the car that Edward Cullen drives in Twilight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 791

You deserved it 11 207

The Top

Today, my girlfriend put her hand on my abs and confessed that she was glad I'd secretly started working out. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I've been constipated for three weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 167

You deserved it 4 059

Today, I stayed at my boyfriend's house after mine was broken into. The robber took my laptop, jewellery, and tons of clothes. When I walked into his house, I was greeted by his brother, wearing one of my stolen shirts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 802

You deserved it 4 072

Today, and for the past two years, I've been hosting a fairly successful Dungeons And Dragons podcast. However, ever since we brought a new player into the group, we've lost almost half of our listeners, and thanks to that, we lost our sponsorships too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 156

Today, I thought a spider had fallen on me, so I wounded up accidentally punching myself. Twice. I hate nose bleeds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 681

Today, I decided to be nice and pay a visit to my grandma. We ended up playing Scrabble. In between passing wind that smelled like rotting eggs, she kept playing the filthiest words she could, and yelled at me whenever I checked to see if they were in the Scrabble dictionary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 484

You deserved it 5 217

Today, I was showering at hockey practice. It would have been business as usual, if not for one of my teammates playing with his junk and not-so-subtly asked me to connect. There are 5 more months of hockey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 967

You deserved it 3 069

Same thing different taste

You need more fiber

Yoyo

Deal breaker

Slid right out

The Gush

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