By assholecat - 10/10/2012 08:43 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML
I agree, your life sucks 34 603
You deserved it 5 461

assholecat tells us more.

assholecat 6

Hey y'all, this is OP. In regards to my post: The elderly lady is a very close family friend of my family who still lives by herself but is being taken care of by her family. She's a lovely lady, really. I'm not worried about her stealing my cat - her dead cat and my cat look very similar. If he's bringing her joy - great! She and kitty can hang as much as they want! To the people who seemed to hint at me not feeding my cat... if you ever saw him, you would know that he is probably the best fed cat in the whole world. He is enormous. I have perfectly good food for him to eat - which I would feed him if he turned up for meal times. I don't feed him whenever he's hungry because he's a big ol' fat cat and I don't want him getting any fatter. (He won't be getting breakfast from me anymore - when I found out that my neighbour was lovingly feeding my kitty for me in place of her own, I went and brought her some cat food.) In regards to the "your cat is an opportunist! That's what cats are!" comments - no argument from me. As far as "don't call your cat an asshole!" comments go... my cat is an asshole: he methodically waits by her door every single morning at the same time that she routinely feeds her own cat, even though he knows (I'm sure he does, simply because the other cat isn't there) that her cat is no longer with us. My cat is both an opportunist and an asshole. And no, I don't believe that my cat can understand me when I call him an asshole. Anywho, that's it. I'm out. Peace!

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Top comments

DocBastard 38

Man - You should know better. There's NO way to shut the idiots up. You're assuming they will 1) read this, 2) comprehend it, and 3) care.

391 3

Comments

MaleficZero 0

Your cat is not an asshole. Your cat is smart.

1 0
soyeah_whatsup 4

Forgotten? Or actively trying to steal you cat by feeding it better food then you do.

1 0
snafu63 0

Your final statement that your cat is an asshole is a bit redundant isn't it? You could have easily said, "My cat is a cat."

3 2
ugafan247365 3

just imagine all of the money you will save on cat food!

0 0
imhowie 2

You are SEVERELY overestimating the intelligence of cats if you think your or any cat is capable of such complex thoughts. Your cat is just eating free food that it's finding. It doesn't know or care where it's coming from, nor is it capable of realizing your neighbor's cat is dead and it is definitely not capable of devising a plan such as "impersonating your neighbor's dead cat".

0 4
ballbearing 10

Yes. Because cats are anthropomorphic and know the art of manipulation.

1 3
angryyute 4

Maybe your elderly neighbor is attempting to lure your cat away from you

0 0
mrsvakarian 4

My cat is a sweetie pie and is genuinely in love with everyone. He will cuddle you and chit chat with you regardless of who you are or if you have food or not. I think he has such a sweet nature because my sister and I are permanently disabled and in wheelchairs. Compassionate cat? I think so! (Asshole cats are funny!) :D

3 0
assholecat 6

Hey y'all it's OP again! I posted about 1/4 of the page down, but apparently FML didn't register that I posted or nobody bothered to read it =] For those who saw the humor and thought this was funny and - yay! I thought it was funny too (in a macabre sense). For those people who took it way too seriously and reading WAY TOO FAR into it: da ****? I already know that my cat is a cat and is an opportunist... and even if I didn't it doesn't need to be repeated over and over and over and over. For those people who reminded me that my cat is a cat and then told me to stop "insulting" my cat by calling him an "asshole" (which is he), I just have to say: uhm. What. First you tell me that my cat isn't intelligent enough to plan something and then you tell me that my cat can understand my insults. Sorry, no. Cognitive thinking is required to both comprehend an insult and plan something. My cat is incapable of understanding me calling him an asshole. That doesn't mean I don't love my cat - I love him all the same (the big, fat, fluffy adorable asshole that he is). Also I'm not worried about the old lady trying to steal my cat - like I said in my first post, my neighbour is an old family friend of mine. My cat looks similar to her passed cat, and I'm more than happy for her to feed him (I brought her some more cat food when I found out) and for them to spend time together. So, yeah. Y'all read way too far into something that wasn't there. And for those animal activists who are still upset with me: bring on PETA.

6 0