By assholecat - 10/10/2012 08:43 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML
I agree, your life sucks 34 603
You deserved it 5 461

assholecat tells us more.

assholecat 6

Hey y'all, this is OP. In regards to my post: The elderly lady is a very close family friend of my family who still lives by herself but is being taken care of by her family. She's a lovely lady, really. I'm not worried about her stealing my cat - her dead cat and my cat look very similar. If he's bringing her joy - great! She and kitty can hang as much as they want! To the people who seemed to hint at me not feeding my cat... if you ever saw him, you would know that he is probably the best fed cat in the whole world. He is enormous. I have perfectly good food for him to eat - which I would feed him if he turned up for meal times. I don't feed him whenever he's hungry because he's a big ol' fat cat and I don't want him getting any fatter. (He won't be getting breakfast from me anymore - when I found out that my neighbour was lovingly feeding my kitty for me in place of her own, I went and brought her some cat food.) In regards to the "your cat is an opportunist! That's what cats are!" comments - no argument from me. As far as "don't call your cat an asshole!" comments go... my cat is an asshole: he methodically waits by her door every single morning at the same time that she routinely feeds her own cat, even though he knows (I'm sure he does, simply because the other cat isn't there) that her cat is no longer with us. My cat is both an opportunist and an asshole. And no, I don't believe that my cat can understand me when I call him an asshole. Anywho, that's it. I'm out. Peace!

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Top comments

DocBastard 38

Man - You should know better. There's NO way to shut the idiots up. You're assuming they will 1) read this, 2) comprehend it, and 3) care.

391 3

Comments

SaturnV 25

Maybe your neighbor does remember her cat is dead and is purposefully feeding your cat. I was in a similar situation with my cat a few years back, only she accepted the neighbor's food AND came home for meals. We recognized the problem when she started to look like a blimp.

19 0
vintage3113 6

Your cat does not do this because it is an asshole, your cat does this because it is a cat.

12 8
assholecat 6

Hey y'all, this is OP. In regards to my post: The elderly lady is a very close family friend of my family who still lives by herself but is being taken care of by her family. She's a lovely lady, really. I'm not worried about her stealing my cat - her dead cat and my cat look very similar. If he's bringing her joy - great! She and kitty can hang as much as they want! To the people who seemed to hint at me not feeding my cat... if you ever saw him, you would know that he is probably the best fed cat in the whole world. He is enormous. I have perfectly good food for him to eat - which I would feed him if he turned up for meal times. I don't feed him whenever he's hungry because he's a big ol' fat cat and I don't want him getting any fatter. (He won't be getting breakfast from me anymore - when I found out that my neighbour was lovingly feeding my kitty for me in place of her own, I went and brought her some cat food.) In regards to the "your cat is an opportunist! That's what cats are!" comments - no argument from me. As far as "don't call your cat an asshole!" comments go... my cat is an asshole: he methodically waits by her door every single morning at the same time that she routinely feeds her own cat, even though he knows (I'm sure he does, simply because the other cat isn't there) that her cat is no longer with us. My cat is both an opportunist and an asshole. And no, I don't believe that my cat can understand me when I call him an asshole. Anywho, that's it. I'm out. Peace!

397 9
ManInTheMachine 19

Thank you OP. That should shut the idiots up.

209 2
DocBastard 38

Man - You should know better. There's NO way to shut the idiots up. You're assuming they will 1) read this, 2) comprehend it, and 3) care.

391 3
peacheso 31

There's an African proverb that translates "I'm the one sitting by the fire so I know how hot it burns". If OP thinks her cat is an asshole, she has her reasons and so can call it whatever she wants. People need to calm down.

189 2
swanheart 35

Nothing wrong with calling a cat an asshole. Do people think the cat is reading this fml and getting it's feelings hurt? I don't even think cats can get their feelings hurt...?

111 1
kozzard 17

You have to have feeling before they can get hurt

10 8
apcsox 18

Cats are asshole. Owned them my whole life so I concur.

27 1
belgareth 3

cats have a feeling.... thinly veiled contempt...

27 0
looms123 9

yes cats can be assholes but it depends how u look at it. Some assholes are disgusting and rude while others are sexually craved. Cats are sexually craved...

0 26
fakedsincerity 32

Pets are assholes and we love them for it. There's a cat on my street and three different people feed him.

12 1
Eror_No_Name 15

Some dogs can. I remember i yelled at my dog for barking for ten minutes straight. She then proceeded to pee in the corner to spite me.

11 2
DerpAngel 8

Yeah, I have cats myself and there are times when I'll call them a few things such as idiot or moron when they do naughty things but I love em' to death! You bitch at the people you love?

5 1
nicole74 13

First off! Cats, and all other animals, do have feelings to those idiots who commented otherwise. And secondly, the cost does kind of seem like am ass! (in the best way possible I mean). I call my dog an asshole all the time, like if I walk away and he steals my seat, or I cone home and finds he has humped our couch covers. And my rabbit is just a big ol' jerk that I don't even have words for, but I love them. Animals can be assholes, but loving pet owners do love there animals whether they say that or not. We mean it in the best way possible, even if it's true. We're not abusing them, just stating facts of their personalities.

9 3
Catdragon 40

my dog Bella always takes ny seat as soon as I get up for something. assholish move right?

1 0
FMLMaximus 23

ha! we have 2 outside cats and 2 inside cats. one of the outside cats is a female and just had a litter of kittens but the jerk hid them off our property and I can't find them :( the inside cats are even bigger jerks. maybe because they're spoiled? cats are assholes. don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Hasn't anyone seen the cat videos online showing them purposefully smacking things off tables? haha and op it's sweet that you're sharing your kitteh :P probably brightens your neighbor's day. they can be therapeutic!

2 1
jem970 19

Hmm... My cat is very loyal to me. Maybe you are just being mean and giving her second class food? Still the only lady my die tomorrow for all you know. Share the kitty and make that old ladies day! Or go out and adopt her one if you really can't share.

UltimateGIRness 16

How is giving the animal second class food mean? I feed my dogs whatever cheap food they have at the dollar store. The cat food i use comes in a big box for 2 dollars,does that make me a mean pet owner. Animals don't have to have the most expensive food out there to be healthy and cared for you know

51 16
Ameel_fml 19

To be fair, some of the cheaper store-bought pet food CAN be pretty unhealthy for animals because it doesn't contain all the nutrients required to keep the animal healthy. Though that doesn't go for all the brands, of course. My dog ended up with pancreatitis because the kibble we were giving her was too fatty and wholly unsuitable for dogs (despite being a fairly well-known brand of dog food). It's bullshit that companies are even allowed to sell stuff like that. We eventually paid for her operation and medication, but a lot of people wouldn't (or couldn't) afford to do the same and it's a shame that there might be owners out there who lose their pets to illness all due to shitty pet food that they don't even realize is shitty. :(

48 6
little_one 20

We feed our cats the "expensive" cat food and you can see the difference. Their coats are shinier, they shed less, they are energetic.

3 0
dirton89 7

Kitty is a baws........hands down

12 4
Shawme 6

Your cat is awesome! He should use her cat box too!

4 2
pmadNess 16

If the cat is allowed to roam freely, obviously litter boxes are not a concern. They just dig holes all over anyone's garden...

10 0
gsam99 20

104, my cat roams a lot, but still uses his litter box at night or if he does spend the day inside. not all cats are alike!

0 0