Love: Today, I got a call from my long distance girlfriend. She's about...

By notthedad - 15/03/2011 15:50 - China

Today, I got a call from my long distance girlfriend. She's about a month pregnant. I haven't seen her in person for six months, but she still insists it's mine. I don't know which would be worse: her lying or her being that stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 493

You deserved it 5 646

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By both are dimwitted - 23/12/2014 18:32 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 501

You deserved it 4 657

Fool me once…

By Anonymous - 08/07/2022 12:00 - United States

Today, my ex showed up at my doorstep, claiming to be pregnant with my baby. Of course, I pointed out we broke up ten months ago and hadn't seen each other again until just now, and she is currently six months along. She actually admitted to my face that she figured I'd be too stupid to put the pieces together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 651

You deserved it 139

By 3023-dang - 15/10/2012 20:27 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend is four months pregnant. She can't wait for us to be parents. I guess she forgot that I haven't seen her in 7 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 086

You deserved it 2 594

Great surprise

By Deployed - 07/12/2019 14:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I came home from an eight month deployment to find my wife four months into her pregnancy. She actually thinks that I believe it's mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 704

You deserved it 190

Kinda sus behavior

By dumped and dusted - 13/07/2016 17:35 - United States

Today, three weeks after my girlfriend told me she was pregnant, she admitted it was a lie. Turned out it was just a test to see if I'd break up with her or not. I didn't, but I did just break the bank buying all the things we'd need for an actual kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 525

You deserved it 1 988

By Wellthissucks - 06/11/2017 15:26

Today, I found out that my long-distance boyfriend just got married because his "real" girlfriend is pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 234

You deserved it 483

Rollercoaster

By Anonymous - 05/03/2010 12:54 - United States

Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 715

You deserved it 3 659

By sadh3 - 13/10/2017 04:30

Today, my pregnant girlfriend asked me if she should take a pregnancy test to make sure the baby is really hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 500

You deserved it 752

By Bethany - 20/01/2011 21:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I called my ex boyfriend to tell him that not only am I still in love with him, I'm also three months pregnant with his child. Upon hearing the news, he swore, called me a pathetic liar, swore some more, and hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 441

You deserved it 15 848

Nice try, Sharon

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Bremerton

Today, my ex told me that she's 3 weeks pregnant with my child. Not only was she on her period when I broke up with her last week, her friend let me know that the positive pregnancy test she showed me was a fake that she'd bought online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 269

You deserved it 5 503

sweet_candy_ 17

Tuesday 15 March 2011 18:59

She probably thinks you will be stupid enough to fall for it.

DocBastard 38

Tuesday 15 March 2011 19:04

Your **** has obviously been whoring around without your knowledge. Take some responsibility for it, stupid. /King Missile

Comments

nutsackmuscle 0

Thursday 17 March 2011 4:21

chuck norris's dick is so big it has its on dick and chuck Norris's dick's dick is bigger than your dick.

u_r_idiot 1

Thursday 17 March 2011 4:26

her cheating isn't one of the "what's worse" options?

Decodedman 1

Thursday 17 March 2011 5:01

YDI for not using a condom during phone sex. BTW, some funny ass comments in this fml. Sperm in an envelope ftw.

arttyruiz 7

Thursday 17 March 2011 7:22

Damn, Sucks Bro.

Mitcha857 0

Thursday 17 March 2011 7:28

what I wanna know is what OP said to her after she tried to explain it like that. Because the response is probably priceless!

Csar 0

Thursday 17 March 2011 10:01

Dump that shit in the fernus.

matt1990 0

Thursday 17 March 2011 10:38

send her a broken hanger.. that should do tha trick.

DoubleEdgedBlade 4

Thursday 17 March 2011 12:00

Chuck Norris was annoyed with the ninjas, so he induced an earthquake on their headquarters by a roundhouse kick on the earth.

The_Unkown_Abyss 3

Thursday 17 March 2011 13:42

@214 japan in the birthplace of Samurai not ninjas

fthku 13

Thursday 17 March 2011 13:56

Actually, they both originate from Japan.

JanisEvans 10

Thursday 17 March 2011 14:02

She isn't stupid. She just thinks you are.

Keywords

Love Cheating Money Relatable Work My ex Jealousy Health Accident ADHD Medication Weather Snow Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts

The Top

Today, while at the restaurant I work at, a bunch of kids came in. They all gave incredibly complex orders, laughed at everything I did, and made a huge mess by "spilling" hot sauce and water all over the floor. After they left, I was tipped eleven cents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 306

You deserved it 3 563

Today, I got dressed, did my hair, carefully applied my makeup, sprayed myself with perfume, grabbed my bag and put on my coat. I got to the door, and then realised that I had nowhere to go, nothing to do and none of my friends were answering my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 486

You deserved it 537

The Top

Today, while taking my toddler for a walk with the dog, he threw a tantrum and rammed one well-aimed finger directly up the poor dog's pooper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 694

You deserved it 1 149

Today, and lately, my dad has an annoying habit of knowing where I’ve been, even though I never go anywhere worth mentioning. On a hunch, I checked my phone and it turns out he’s been tracking my location. I’ve literally done nothing to deserve this lack of trust, and now I think I hate him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 186

You deserved it 208

Today, after being kicked out of my racist family, my boyfriend and I moved across the country to rent an apartment with my sister. My mother hates us so much she offered to buy my sister a new car to not take us in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 330

You deserved it 536

Today, the $300 ring my boyfriend gave me for my birthday slipped off my finger... into the toilet. I had to sift through my own poo to get it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 196

You deserved it 19 738

Today, alone at my new company, the guy who works the front desk joined me for lunch. I was touched at first, but then he proceeded to have a conversation (against my will) with me about Whitney Houston, for over an hour. That's one lunch break I'll never get back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 843

You deserved it 181

Today, our little family business was asked to do a presentation at my daughter's school. When we got there and I saw her, I waved to her happily but she totally blanked me, plus my super strict mom smacked me on the back of the head for embarrassing her by not acting professionally while I was technically working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 179