Kids: Today, I got mad at my 4 year old son for cussing me out. Afterwards,...

By kewtness_17 - 01/10/2011 23:10 - United States

Today, I got mad at my 4 year old son for cussing me out. Afterwards, I went upstairs to get ready for the day. When I came back downstairs I found him pooping on my brand new leather couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 555

You deserved it 12 175

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Same thing different taste

By matchristityler - 09/02/2010 08:19 - United States

Today, my son pooped in his diaper and managed to somehow take it off without my knowledge. He then sat down on the carpet and imitated a dog with worms, all the way down the hallway, through the living room, and into my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 632

You deserved it 4 378

By Anonymous - 17/02/2013 02:12 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, after explaining to my four-year-old why our new puppy was peeing on things to mark his territory, my son decided to follow suit and pee all over our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 873

You deserved it 6 877

By potatoebee - 03/04/2012 18:19 - United States - Clover

Today, my four-year-old son decided to bite my butt during prayer at church. The entire sanctuary heard me instinctively swear at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 725

You deserved it 27 240

Ninja!

By Anonymous - 13/09/2019 06:02 - Australia - Perth

Today, after getting home from my morning run, I found my brand new leather couch with scratches all over it and smelling of cat piss. I don't have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 781

You deserved it 118

By ohcrap - 02/08/2011 04:58 - United States

Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 482

You deserved it 16 129

By dani0810 - 22/01/2013 11:39 - Canada - Sudbury

Today, I caught my 4 year old son yet again trying to drink out of the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 206

You deserved it 5 501

By Bob - 20/06/2009 04:22 - United States

Today, while teaching at a daycare, a child came up to me and asked if he could go to the bathroom. Obviously, I said it was fine. He then pulled his pants down, and pee on my brand new shoes, and all over my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 075

You deserved it 4 734

By Anonymous - 27/03/2013 08:00 - United States - Temecula

Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 975

You deserved it 6 001

Hellooooo, Social Services?

By whatisthisshit - 17/03/2017 00:00

Today, I spent two hours convincing my 3-year-old son that he can't poop on his 4-month-old brother out of retaliation for the baby pooping on him. He did it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 471

You deserved it 734

By jbhadafuckedupday - 15/03/2018 01:30

Today, my 3-year-old came to me very excited because he had gone to the bathroom by himself for the first time. What he did not tell me was that he had shit on the floor, and when I went into the bathroom to check, I slipped on a turd and knocked myself out on the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 094

You deserved it 450

Amburito 0

Sunday 2 October 2011 9:22

Woop his ass! That kind of behavior is unacceptable :l

whitesox365 0

Sunday 2 October 2011 9:19

You rack disciprine!

Comments

_highandlow 5

Thursday 14 June 2012 19:52

YDI for teaching him those words in the first place.

DrunkenElmo 1

Tuesday 26 June 2012 2:28

Seriously 4 yrs old? Sounds like a patenting fail to me...show him a leather strap and beat him for talking back

redhondamike 6

Saturday 11 August 2012 21:04

SPANK THAT LITTLE BISH! It's parenting. Not abuse. My mom woulda got out the belt if I swore!

bradleythomas 0

Tuesday 14 August 2012 6:46

Straighten his ass out before he turns into one of the jersey people.

xxsakuraxx 29

Tuesday 21 August 2012 8:29

I would have beat even more shit out of him and made him clean it up.

tappm98 22

Wednesday 12 September 2012 22:44

atleast it will be easy to clean off!

bluevayero 42

Thursday 29 November 2012 22:47

looks like ur raising a cat

blah2112 11

Tuesday 4 December 2012 0:40

They don't do that when you beat the hell out of em...

mperniciaro 15

Friday 21 December 2012 10:28

My parents never cursed in front of me, but I still new curse words. It's called school.

mojo5678 5

Wednesday 6 February 2013 23:46

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USA, USA, USA, and more precisely Philadelphia. That's where we're landing today. When I first discovered Justin, on 9gag or an awesome website like that, I knew exactly this little guy was perfect to fit in the FML illustrated section. His crazy, c...

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 8

Today, I got a call from a lady who said my husband died in a car accident in Miami. My husband is supposed to be at a business trip in North Carolina, so I told her it must be a mistake. Turns out it was all true. He lied about a business trip and went to Miami with his lover, who was the woman who had called me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 57

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Today, I had a DMV appointment I couldn’t miss. With my one year-old in the car, the anti theft system started going off and I couldn't get it to stop, so we just drove to the DMV with the car alarm going off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 163

Today, a woman came into my life and took all I had left in the world. The woman was my hair stylist. She took my hair and the last of my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 831

You deserved it 1 742

Today, I had a rough day and was extremely tired. I took a nap on the couch, and woke up to a guy robbing my house. I pretended I was still sleeping, waiting a chance to grab him or run out safely. I ended up falling back asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 535

You deserved it 24 310

Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 660

You deserved it 2 462

Today, for our third anniversary, I gave my boyfriend a watch, courtesy of Rolex. He gave me herpes, courtesy of his other girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 735

You deserved it 5 127

Today, I called my friend in Australia to have a nice long chat, what I did not know was that my dad had removed my international calling plan, I talked to my friend for 5 hours, and ran up a huge phone bill, which I have to take out of the money I saved up to go see her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 152

You deserved it 8 348

Same thing different taste

Ninja!

Hellooooo, Social Services?

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