Intimacy: Today, I had sex with a guy wearing a KFC uniform. Hat included....

By lyfisdyno - 12/09/2013 00:16 - United Kingdom - Malvern

Today, I had sex with a guy wearing a KFC uniform. Hat included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 808

You deserved it 74 079

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Same thing different taste

Backhanded

By kiwi - 13/02/2009 19:24 - United Kingdom

Today, as I was getting dressed after having sex with a guy I like, he told me I looked better with my clothes on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 410

You deserved it 5 609

You tried

By briiiiiiii123 - 12/01/2015 07:56 - United States - Buffalo

Today, my boyfriend and I had 'car sex'. It sucked and resulted in him masturbating into a McDonald's bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 484

You deserved it 7 755

By Anonymous - 13/01/2011 21:10 - Lebanon

Today, I was having sex with my fiancé when he stopped and said, "Boy, what I wouldn't give for a burger right now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 394

You deserved it 5 001

By notsohappy - 18/02/2009 21:14 - United States

Today, was the first time I had sex with a guy I really like. I took off my shirt and my bra and he said "wow, that's disappointing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 118 917

You deserved it 11 084

First time

By Anonymous - 13/03/2021 23:30 - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Today, I had sex for the first time. I realised that I was more satisfied by last night's dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 163

You deserved it 257

Downhill from here

By forewhatnow - 07/11/2009 08:47 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend took me out to a really romantic dinner. Later, I lost my virginity. The chicken was better than he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 745

You deserved it 9 859

By stillkindahorny - 13/09/2011 05:51 - United States

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been seeing. It took him longer to put the condom on than it did to finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 805

You deserved it 4 728

What are the odds?

By pchis4ever - 20/11/2009 18:30 - United States

Today, I was eating at KFC when my roommate unexpectedly showed up. He asked me who I was there with, and I told him I was on a sexy date with his mom. Just then a woman 5 feet away turned around and gave me a disgusted look. Guess whose mom was in town visiting for the weekend? FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 627

You deserved it 37 130

By Anonymous - 05/02/2012 15:45 - Reserved

Today, I was having lunch at McDonald's when I dropped a French fry down my shirt. It stuck out the top of my bra. Before I had the chance to remove it, a creepy man picked it out and ate it saying that it was the best French fry he had ever eaten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 893

You deserved it 5 070

By confusedcatlover - 06/04/2013 11:42 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I walked in on my husband eating cat food out of the cat bowl dressed in a cat costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 278

You deserved it 6 222

Wizardo 33

Thursday 12 September 2013 9:02

Was it finger lickin' good though? If not you should turn on the damn lights next time...

bellydancer82 15

Thursday 12 September 2013 9:04

I feel like too much of this story is missing....

Comments

Dodge4x4Ram 46

Thursday 12 September 2013 10:01

you can tell your future kid where he/she was created

hbake 13

Thursday 12 September 2013 10:19

It was pretty obvious what he was wearing before you got down. So I'm just trying to find your logic as to how you want us to agree your life sucks.

buckdharma 36

Thursday 12 September 2013 10:22

Congratulations, you have earned your Hot Wings and are officially part of the Colonel's Club!

ShoyuSauceSoup 26

Thursday 12 September 2013 10:23

Will you get a free chicken bucket because of this, OP?

cmac86 23

Thursday 12 September 2013 10:24

instead of ky jelly did you use chicken grease?

klovemachine 24

Thursday 12 September 2013 15:16

That's nasty :O

rememberkids 14

Friday 13 September 2013 7:49

*Cleveland voice*

luminis12 23

Thursday 12 September 2013 10:26

Were you trying to get free chicken?

ShoyuSauceSoup 26

Thursday 12 September 2013 10:27

Just gimme gimme gimme fried chicken!

fleur_de_fevrier_fml 22

Thursday 12 September 2013 10:46

Why OP, why?

JordynnLOL 11

Thursday 12 September 2013 10:49

So your standards are low then?

myind_yabiness 13

Thursday 12 September 2013 10:53

You are never allowed to say or use the word Ratchet again. Unless you're referring to yourself.

morella_xx 29

Thursday 12 September 2013 12:43

I would really like it if everyone stopped using this word, unless referring to the tool.

Peachy2392 26

Friday 13 September 2013 2:36

Agreed! I can't stand that word.

Keywords

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Today, my brother's girlfriend came over to visit and we got to talking about books. Thinking she'd be interested, I suggested a few. She responded that she "only reads good literature." The only books I've ever seen her read are Fifty Shades of Gray and the Twilight saga. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 125

If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to alice [at] fmylife.com including a link to your website/blog/DA. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with me, and I'll tell you what you have to do!...

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 23

The Top

Today, I went to the supermarket; it was taking me ages to walk home because of the heavy food bags. Halfway home, I realised I had gone in my car. I had to walk all the way back to get my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 575

You deserved it 58 705

Today, a guy hit my car, and I threatened to sue him after he started the conversation rudely. He told me to go ahead, because he doesn’t have any money or a job anyway, then because from his perspective he had nothing else really to lose, he kicked my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 195

You deserved it 388

Today, my dad and brother found a Christmas present that they'd "forgotten" to give me. Expecting a joke, I apprehensively opened it. But I still wasn't prepared to unwrap the neck of the Christmas turkey. It had been rotting in the living room for 2 days. The smell was indescribable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 346

You deserved it 437

Today, I caught a cold. Turns out that the neighbours who have noisy children have also caught COVID and have to isolate for a week. I not only have to deal with a cold, but I have to overhear kids shows and crying through the thin wall dividing our houses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 801

You deserved it 910

Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 871

You deserved it 5 659

Today, I spent $400 at the stripclub and got 4 phone numbers. I as walked out of the club, I noticed it was trans-night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 036

You deserved it 52 154