Kids: Today, I had to explain to my teenage daughter that no, the dishwasher... - FML

By wow - 23/06/2011 08:53 - France

Today, I had to explain to my teenage daughter that no, the dishwasher didn't make the glasses shrink, I'd bought smaller glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 813

You deserved it 6 204

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Irony failure

By alcoholic - 31/10/2009 14:30 - Estonia

Today, I was telling my teenage daughter about the effects from alcohol, and how she should not give in to peer pressure. While talking, I noticed that she was looking at me funny. There was a wine glass in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 824

You deserved it 51 708

Psycho

By deadgirl - 15/05/2021 01:59

Today, I accidentally broke one of my mom’s favorite glasses while she was away. My dad saw and offered to tell her instead that he broke it, because, "let’s face it, if she knew it was you, she’d shove the glass shards down your fucking throat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 580

You deserved it 140

Get the message

By thelandofoz - 14/10/2009 14:36 - United States

Today, I noticed that my clothes had shrunk. My mother seemed to be having trouble with the new washer and dryer so I tried to show her exactly how they work. After my explanation she said, "I know how they work. I shrank your clothes to give you some incentive to lose all that belly you got." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 895

You deserved it 7 672

By Anony-moose - 11/10/2011 09:43 - United States

Today, I had to explain to a patient that no, her nipples were not slowly getting smaller. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 149

You deserved it 2 580

By DeepFriedLettuce - 29/04/2016 01:33 - United States - Vashon

Today, I had to explain to my seventeen year-old daughter that deep frying food doesn't "melt the calories." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 450

You deserved it 1 532

By smarterthanmymum - 26/05/2011 09:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to explain very slowly to my mum why she cannot put metal cutlery in the microwave. She did it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 279

You deserved it 2 991

By Anonymous - 30/03/2014 10:04 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I asked my daughter to buy me two pints of milk. Apparently, the shop only had four-pints, so she got that and poured half down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 794

You deserved it 6 915

Time out

By Starfucks - 17/12/2015 02:55 - United States - Bensalem

Today, I was in Starbucks with my daughter when she noticed a travel cup she liked. She picked one up and asked for it, but I said no because it was expensive. She angrily slammed it back into its stand and in the process, knocked over a display of ceramic mugs. I had to pay for each broken mug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 875

You deserved it 4 541

By Anonymous - 31/05/2016 15:30 - Canada - Saint John

Today, I fell down the stairs while holding some dirty glasses from my room. I ended up pulling pieces of glass from my body. Meanwhile all my mom cares about is the fact that I broke three of her favorite glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 254

You deserved it 1 845

By Glassless - 26/05/2017 20:00

Today, I lost my glasses. I don't have spares but my girlfriend said I could borrow hers. She doesn't understand why this won't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 150

You deserved it 492

Next

Top comments

alki_fml 5

Thursday 23 June 2011 16:03

its not so cute when its your teenage daughter....maybe if it was a 5 year old..

enonymous 8

Thursday 23 June 2011 16:27

My glasses are made from 100% pure cotton... shrinks every time in the wash

Comments

rottentomatoes 7

Wednesday 10 August 2011 0:46

Wow. Just wow.

jimmyarmes 2

Sunday 11 September 2011 19:15

Always seems to be the girls...

gman90210 18

Wednesday 2 May 2012 7:17

How old is she? If she thinks that then get some clothes that look like hers but are a few sizes smaller and trade them out with hers then sit back and enjoy.

gman90210 18

Wednesday 2 May 2012 7:25

Well since she is obviously gonna need to be taken care of I'll be glad to when turns twenty.

yankeegrl27 1

Monday 13 August 2012 19:32

well why didnt you tell her you bought smaller glasses?

misswallflower 8

Saturday 5 October 2013 8:02

My generation disappoints me.

Aero_x 21

Friday 9 May 2014 6:40

she isn't the brightest crayon in the box.

prettygurl89 16

Tuesday 30 December 2014 17:40

Ok this is funny

theroxors19 12

Thursday 6 August 2015 20:22

this gave me a dumb idea to put my glasses in the dishwasher, but my nose pads and the plastic would melt.

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Love Embarrassing Miscellaneous Christmas Romantic Break-ups Annoying Money Gross Ironic Argument Awkward Friends Cute Haircut Lonely Holidays Relatable Work Bosses Capitalism Cars You're fired Health Covid Jealousy Cheating Kids Parenting

The Top

Today, I was at the gym on the elliptical. Feeling proud of myself for finishing a very intense workout, I looked to my left to see that the maintenance guy fixing the machine next to me had burned more calories testing the machine than I did during my entire workout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 580

You deserved it 5 576

Today, my girlfriend was on top in reverse cowgirl. After she orgasmed, all I heard was, "Oh fuck" and she clenched her butt to try stop, but it was too late, she shot diarrhoea up my stomach, chest and neck. The only reason I didn’t get any in my mouth was because it all got caught in my beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 079

You deserved it 410

The Top

Today, I can remember enough of a song for it to be stuck in my head, but not enough of it to help me identify the song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 884

You deserved it 135

Today, I was working from home when I mistakenly turned on my video camera during a conference call. I was wearing pajama pants and a t-shirt with a "Cannibal Corpse" album cover on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 251

You deserved it 743

Today, I heard my alarm go off, dragged myself out of bed, had breakfast and got ready for work. As I was heading out the door I checked the time again. It was 1:41 AM. Apparently my alarm never actually went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 464

You deserved it 6 096

Today, the girl I like at work surprised me in the otherwise empty break room. She caught me taking part in what might as well have been the Ball-Scratching Olympics. I didn't notice she was behind me until she cleared her throat to get my attention. Shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 460

You deserved it 13 146

Today, I was walking to the bus in my favorite jeans, and I felt a uncontrollable itch in my leg. I scratched and it went away, but then I felt something moving on my leg. I hadn't worn my jeans in so long that a spider had decided to make it a nest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 838

You deserved it 4 708

Today, a customer told me to go to the “fucking border back to illegal immigrant land” and that he can’t wait to “put Trump back in office” so he can get rid of “incompetent ass Mexican bitches” like me. What did I do to cause this? Tell him that we were out of a sauce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 646

You deserved it 122