Kids: Today, I had to explain to my teenage daughter that no, the dishwasher... - FML

By wow - 23/06/2011 08:53 - France

Today, I had to explain to my teenage daughter that no, the dishwasher didn't make the glasses shrink, I'd bought smaller glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 813

You deserved it 6 204

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Irony failure

By alcoholic - 31/10/2009 14:30 - Estonia

Today, I was telling my teenage daughter about the effects from alcohol, and how she should not give in to peer pressure. While talking, I noticed that she was looking at me funny. There was a wine glass in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 824

You deserved it 51 708

Psycho

By deadgirl - 15/05/2021 01:59

Today, I accidentally broke one of my mom’s favorite glasses while she was away. My dad saw and offered to tell her instead that he broke it, because, "let’s face it, if she knew it was you, she’d shove the glass shards down your fucking throat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 580

You deserved it 140

Get the message

By thelandofoz - 14/10/2009 14:36 - United States

Today, I noticed that my clothes had shrunk. My mother seemed to be having trouble with the new washer and dryer so I tried to show her exactly how they work. After my explanation she said, "I know how they work. I shrank your clothes to give you some incentive to lose all that belly you got." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 895

You deserved it 7 672

By Anony-moose - 11/10/2011 09:43 - United States

Today, I had to explain to a patient that no, her nipples were not slowly getting smaller. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 149

You deserved it 2 580

By DeepFriedLettuce - 29/04/2016 01:33 - United States - Vashon

Today, I had to explain to my seventeen year-old daughter that deep frying food doesn't "melt the calories." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 450

You deserved it 1 532

By smarterthanmymum - 26/05/2011 09:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to explain very slowly to my mum why she cannot put metal cutlery in the microwave. She did it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 279

You deserved it 2 991

By Anonymous - 30/03/2014 10:04 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I asked my daughter to buy me two pints of milk. Apparently, the shop only had four-pints, so she got that and poured half down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 794

You deserved it 6 915

Time out

By Starfucks - 17/12/2015 02:55 - United States - Bensalem

Today, I was in Starbucks with my daughter when she noticed a travel cup she liked. She picked one up and asked for it, but I said no because it was expensive. She angrily slammed it back into its stand and in the process, knocked over a display of ceramic mugs. I had to pay for each broken mug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 875

You deserved it 4 541

By Anonymous - 31/05/2016 15:30 - Canada - Saint John

Today, I fell down the stairs while holding some dirty glasses from my room. I ended up pulling pieces of glass from my body. Meanwhile all my mom cares about is the fact that I broke three of her favorite glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 254

You deserved it 1 845

By Glassless - 26/05/2017 20:00

Today, I lost my glasses. I don't have spares but my girlfriend said I could borrow hers. She doesn't understand why this won't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 150

You deserved it 492

Next

Top comments

alki_fml 5

Thursday 23 June 2011 16:03

its not so cute when its your teenage daughter....maybe if it was a 5 year old..

enonymous 8

Thursday 23 June 2011 16:27

My glasses are made from 100% pure cotton... shrinks every time in the wash

Comments

TessaBella 5

Thursday 23 June 2011 19:05

lol wow. genius much?

Alexxxxxxxxxxxxx_fml_fml 0

Thursday 23 June 2011 19:15

that's adorable. xD

whoa_is_failz 6

Thursday 23 June 2011 19:26

blonde?

alone_unafraid 0

Thursday 23 June 2011 19:28

Well dad/mom, this is your fault. It's either your awful genetics or a reflection of you inability to both reinforce the importance of education or your failure to foster it. I just hope you don't have any more children and that your child continues that trend.

ash1210jas 0

Thursday 23 June 2011 19:29

Make sure you teach her to keep a dime between her knees because she is going to make some dumb babies. Sorry OP but I speak the truth.

aardvarkish 16

Thursday 23 June 2011 19:34

I'm with 1 on this. Sounds totally cute. Like Homecoming Queen cute.

Allymeme 3

Thursday 23 June 2011 19:48

how is that cute #1? it's a teenager. I'd be ashamed if I had a kid that stupid. she might as well give up on life now. there is no hope for her.

Stupend0us 7

Thursday 23 June 2011 19:50

You're daughter sounds like the type that would show up on 16 and pregnant.

adishalala 0

Thursday 23 June 2011 20:04

blonde? fairygirl88 is a surely a blondie! :p

helper420 0

Thursday 23 June 2011 20:08

ohh the sarcasm is unbearable! btw how old is she chick that dumb must be super easy

5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Embarrassing Love Miscellaneous Christmas Romantic Break-ups Annoying Money Gross Ironic Argument Awkward Friends Cute Haircut Lonely Holidays Relatable Work Bosses Capitalism Cars You're fired Health Covid Jealousy Cheating Kids Parenting

The Top

Today, I was jogging in the neighborhood. My new neighbor who lives three houses down clotheslines me and shouts, "You're the reason my wife won't have sex with me!" He then kicked me in the stomach and walked inside. Now I'm scared to leave my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 664

You deserved it 3 777

Today, my parents told me that unless I think about my behaviour and make some real changes, people are going to think I’m weird or suspicious, and I’ll never make friends. This is because I choose to attend church on Sundays instead of watching TV and getting drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 383

You deserved it 270

The Top

Today, I blurted out something like "humdidumdum erm lalala" in public, attracting mystified stares. The thing is, I do this every time I remember something embarrassing I've said or done in the past, in an attempt to erase it out of my consciousness. So it happens a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 399

You deserved it 10 462

Today, while making love to my boyfriend, I noticed that instead of looking at me, he was admiring himself in the mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 426

You deserved it 2 509

Today, I went to get a pedicure for the first time. My feet are VERY ticklish. I reflexively kicked the poor lady in the face, as I wet my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 597

You deserved it 17 435

Today, my house got broken into. Thankfully, they didn't steal anything. They did, however, move things around into strange places and mess up my underwear. I have severe OCD, so this is probably worse than if they had taken everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 088

You deserved it 4 377

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by sending a GIF. Not a sad one either. It was a GIF of some dude disappearing into thin air. Ten out of ten for originality, but come on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 73

Today, I came home after doing some Black Friday shopping for Christmas presents. I told my husband I got the must-have toy our daughter has been dying for. As soon as I said it, I heard squealing and turned around to see her standing right behind me. There goes the surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 581

You deserved it 13 911