Love: Today, I learned my wife wasn't speaking to me because our daughter...

By fmldr - 03/12/2009 11:34 - United States

Today, I learned my wife wasn't speaking to me because our daughter told her I kissed another woman. My daughter neglected to mention that this happened when she came to work with me yesterday, and the kiss was between me and the dummy I use to teach my interns CPR. My wife doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 842

You deserved it 2 786

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

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Same thing different taste

By mandybar15 - 14/12/2012 23:52 - United States - Norman

Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 278

You deserved it 6 689

By FirstDaddy - 16/06/2014 21:38 - United States - Southfield

Today, my daughter told me that she liked her "other daddy" better. I don't know who's she talking about, but my wife is doing a good job telling her to be quiet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 293

You deserved it 4 479

By cheated - 17/09/2011 04:43 - United States

Today, my daughter-in-law revealed to me that she caught my husband having an affair with her best friend. This was five years ago, and she is only telling me now because he stopped paying her the blackmail money to keep her mouth shut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 624

You deserved it 2 797

Action - Reaction

By CaptBlood - 21/05/2021 00:01

Today, before I went to work, I wanted to kiss my wife goodbye while she was asleep, She punched me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 834

You deserved it 183

Truancy

By Shauna - 08/11/2012 11:09 - United States

Today, I had to go to my daughter's school because she hasn't been going to class. Her teacher seemed surprised to see me with my husband when we arrived. Apparently I "died" recently and my daughter has had extra responsibility around the house, hence why she doesn't come to class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 520

You deserved it 2 599

By Stan - 29/08/2011 21:19 - United States

Today, I was doing my jazz aerobics workout and accidentally kicked my 3 year old daughter in the face. Everyone we know, including my wife, thinks I beat her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 746

You deserved it 9 606

Do you have an evil twin?

By Anonymous - 28/06/2017 01:44

Today, my wife's parents came over, insisting they saw me at the bar at 1:30 p.m., talked to me, and that I left with another woman. I was at work all day. I have no idea what they are talking about, I've never done this. My wife doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 269

You deserved it 373

By babyscarface - 12/06/2016 15:48 - United States - Orange

Today, I was grabbed and romantically kissed at the crowded carnival. Unfortunately, it was not by my husband but instead it was a complete stranger, in front of my husband and children. Now, my husband will not talk or believe that I didn't know the man, and my children think I'm a cheater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 281

You deserved it 1 621

Liar, liar

By skanula414 - 31/12/2014 19:00 - Sweden - Malm?

Today, I found out my 7-year-old daughter really did lie about my husband's "other girlfriend" as revenge for being grounded, and that he never cheated on me at all. We're well into our divorce proceedings and he won't forgive me for not believing him when he denied it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 438

You deserved it 49 775

Great prank ideas #47

By Anonymous - 02/09/2021 23:01 - United States

Today, I went to a baseball game with my wife. During intermission, the kiss cam chose my wife and me. So, what do you expect, I kissed her, but she decided to slap me and pretend she didn't know me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 127

You deserved it 196

Panther_fml 0

Thursday 3 December 2009 20:09

Bring the dummy home... maybe then she will beleive you! FYL

sportsnut 0

Thursday 3 December 2009 20:23

haha, that blows, why not bring your daughter back to work with your wife and have your daughter point out the 'woman' you were kissing

Comments

Brave_Sir_Robin 4

Thursday 3 December 2009 20:47

OP - "First, when encountering the victim, drop your pants and starts f**king a Hero sandwich. In this way, if you somehow fail to keep the victim alive long enough for help to arrive, any potential witnesses will not blame you because you appear to be insane. Go ahead, class. Try it."