Intimacy: Today, I'm too sunburned to masturbate. Now I have nothing to... - FML

By Anonymous - 31/05/2011 11:21

Spicy

Today, I'm too sunburned to masturbate. Now I have nothing to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 773

You deserved it 69 851

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Same thing different taste

By MyHeadHurts - 20/01/2012 10:42 - Ireland

Spicy

Today, I got bored looking at porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 210

You deserved it 39 611

Take it easy on yourself

By Anonymous - 25/04/2022 00:01

Spicy

Today, I came back home from a holiday with family. Finally being on my own, I did some catching up on my masturbation. I have jerked off so much and/or so vigorously, I now have a carpet burn on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 1 657

By Lonely - 02/01/2010 10:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 424

You deserved it 7 452

By Colton - 20/12/2011 02:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 977

You deserved it 50 588

Rubbing it in

By Anonymous - 12/03/2022 22:00

Spicy

Today, since splitting up with my girlfriend, I’ve watched so much porn I think I’ve given myself a friction burn on my clit, so now not only does it hurt to even walk normally, it’s way too painful to masturbate, so I’m now horny all the frigging time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 1 269

Bang one out

By exhausted without relief - 08/02/2023 14:00

Spicy

Today, I’ve been so stressed out lately about my health and mounting bills that my insomnia has returned with vengeance. I thought I’d masturbate to help get some relief, but turns out I’m too tired to even do the deed. Too exhausted to release, but my brain still won’t let me sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 171

Can't be bothered

By Anonymous - 06/07/2019 00:30

Spicy

Today, I realised just how lazy I am when I was about to masturbate, but decided not to because I didn't want to put in the effort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 1 736

By Anonymous - 04/08/2010 10:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to moisturise my dog's testicles because they got sunburnt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 356

You deserved it 7 943

By RyanM - 13/02/2011 09:01 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I realized how out of shape I am, when I couldn't finish masturbating because I ran out of breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 986

You deserved it 64 714

Bad ********

By testacular - 25/03/2014 21:20 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Spicy

Today, due to a combination of boredom and a faulty hair dryer, I now have singed pubes and burned balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 662

You deserved it 55 827

Next

Top comments

Tadeusz_fml 5

Tuesday 31 May 2011 15:48

Get a hobby. Get help. Go do it now. Also, how did you sunburn your area or the palm of your hands?

DalPozzo13 10

Tuesday 31 May 2011 15:49

Get a girlfriend, that will solve your problem

Comments

example947 0

Tuesday 31 May 2011 16:07

preorder skyrim, watch the skyrim trailer, read about skyrim, watch interviews with makers of skyrim. there are plenty of things to do :D

shannon6 3

Tuesday 31 May 2011 17:49

Skyrim! Can't wait!

WordSmyth 2

Tuesday 31 May 2011 18:41

Count me in!

kenyrabit 25

Thursday 28 January 2016 4:55

Like, ********** to Skyrim. :}

newjerseyguy 0

Tuesday 31 May 2011 16:09

you are a certified loser

sourgirl101 28

Tuesday 31 May 2011 16:16

Aloe Vera! How you use it is up to you!(:

example947 0

Wednesday 1 June 2011 16:26

me licks?

kgrman 0

Tuesday 31 May 2011 16:16

Are you sunburned down there? that's weird

rocketeer_97 1

Tuesday 31 May 2011 16:17

thats kind of sad .....

steeledwolf 8

Tuesday 31 May 2011 16:26

Op, go find that girl you always wanted to be with. Wasting **** all day isn't right. People, everyone's got a life, it's just how you use it is what matters. You don't have a life whenever you stop breathing and bloods not flowing.

ptrain79 0

Tuesday 31 May 2011 16:28

great a sunburned ****! that nude beach sounded like a great idea when you were drunk didn't it?

annact 0

Tuesday 31 May 2011 18:36

WIN

Brownstonius 0

Tuesday 31 May 2011 16:34

This made me laugh. I just keep picturing a grilled hot dog.

Venith 0

Tuesday 31 May 2011 16:41

um owww!

that_is_Nathy 9

Tuesday 31 May 2011 16:37

What a sad and lonely life you must lead

Mittle 0

Tuesday 31 May 2011 16:42

get a job pal

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The Top

Today, my adult daughter was hospitalized for severe fever, diarrhea, and fainting. The doctor couldn't find any cause other than sleep deprivation, because I started making her wake up at 7 am. I’ve never met anyone so ridiculously weak in my entire life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140

You deserved it 564

Good morning guys! Today's interview has been done in some extreme circumstances. It was about 36° Celsius, and half of the Completely Serious Comics crew was working while the other one was cooking. Well, it was a bit crazy as you can imagine. So m...

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 17

The Top

Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 870

You deserved it 11 952

Today, my horse and I got into a disagreement over the jumps. I thought "we" should be going over them. He thought "I" should be going over them instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 683

You deserved it 540

Today, at my hotel job, I had to help a drunk naked guy back into his room. Earlier today, a fat old guy wearing only briefs came down to the lobby drunk as hell. I used to like my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 870

You deserved it 136

Today, we noticed some guy lurking nearby our house. In a few minutes, we saw that the TARDIS (the police box from Dr Who) replica that we built for our son in the backyard was on fire. This guy burned it because he "hates nerds." I don't even know him, he just saw the box somehow and decided to set it on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 107

Today, I'm so sick, I'm even sick in my dreams. Orientation for my new job starts tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 487

You deserved it 125

Today, I angrily tweeted about having fruitlessly searched for over an hour for my car keys. Minutes later, some guy told me to check beneath the "stack of skid-marked underwear" on my bedroom floor. I'm not sure if it was a lucky guess, or if I should start carrying mace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 964

You deserved it 6 650