Intimacy: Today, I'm too sunburned to masturbate. Now I have nothing to...

By Anonymous - 31/05/2011 11:21

Today, I'm too sunburned to masturbate. Now I have nothing to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 773

You deserved it 69 851

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Same thing different taste

By MyHeadHurts - 20/01/2012 10:42 - Ireland

Today, I got bored looking at porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 210

You deserved it 39 611

Take it easy on yourself

By Anonymous - 25/04/2022 00:01

Today, I came back home from a holiday with family. Finally being on my own, I did some catching up on my masturbation. I have jerked off so much and/or so vigorously, I now have a carpet burn on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 1 657

By Lonely - 02/01/2010 10:30 - United States

Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 424

You deserved it 7 452

By Colton - 20/12/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 977

You deserved it 50 588

Rubbing it in

By Anonymous - 12/03/2022 22:00

Today, since splitting up with my girlfriend, I’ve watched so much porn I think I’ve given myself a friction burn on my clit, so now not only does it hurt to even walk normally, it’s way too painful to masturbate, so I’m now horny all the frigging time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 1 269

Bang one out

By exhausted without relief - 08/02/2023 14:00

Today, I’ve been so stressed out lately about my health and mounting bills that my insomnia has returned with vengeance. I thought I’d masturbate to help get some relief, but turns out I’m too tired to even do the deed. Too exhausted to release, but my brain still won’t let me sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 171

Can't be bothered

By Anonymous - 06/07/2019 00:30

Today, I realised just how lazy I am when I was about to masturbate, but decided not to because I didn't want to put in the effort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 1 736

By Anonymous - 04/08/2010 10:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to moisturise my dog's testicles because they got sunburnt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 356

You deserved it 7 943

By RyanM - 13/02/2011 09:01 - Canada

Today, I realized how out of shape I am, when I couldn't finish masturbating because I ran out of breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 986

You deserved it 64 714

Bad ********

By testacular - 25/03/2014 21:20 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Today, due to a combination of boredom and a faulty hair dryer, I now have singed pubes and burned balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 662

You deserved it 55 827

Tadeusz_fml 5

Tuesday 31 May 2011 15:48

Get a hobby. Get help. Go do it now. Also, how did you sunburn your area or the palm of your hands?

DalPozzo13 10

Tuesday 31 May 2011 15:49

Get a girlfriend, that will solve your problem

Comments

tboudre 0

Tuesday 31 May 2011 21:38

is your penis sunburned?

e2m2cent 0

Tuesday 31 May 2011 21:40

for fishes sake get off ur ass and do some good instead of sitting at home and fapping all day

SpeechQween94 14

Tuesday 31 May 2011 21:56

That is gross and not FML worthy

jonathanfwlr 0

Tuesday 31 May 2011 22:02

im14 and this shit is ****** funny as hell

hubla 0

Wednesday 1 June 2011 20:25

well good for you

Babsipoodles 0

Tuesday 31 May 2011 22:09

That's truly pitiful

brenda777 0

Tuesday 31 May 2011 22:56

turn to Christ smh.

TheLetterZero 7

Tuesday 31 May 2011 23:19

And go to church?! That's more boring than doing nothing!

bigchango 0

Tuesday 31 May 2011 22:58

why does everyone assume that the op is a guy? could be a girl

dramaelf 37

Tuesday 31 May 2011 23:11

Read a book.

Leggooo 0

Tuesday 31 May 2011 23:13

get a life xD

ArabFML 3

Tuesday 31 May 2011 23:16

LOL!! ^

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The Top

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You deserved it 91

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 39 802

You deserved it 22 646

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You deserved it 6 784

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You deserved it 4 082

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I agree, your life sucks 5 686

You deserved it 349

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You deserved it 152