Intimacy: Today, I put the vacuum cleaner hose against my neck to give...

By allalone - 14/07/2010 00:33 - United States

Today, I put the vacuum cleaner hose against my neck to give me a hickey, so that it would look like I got some action. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 328

You deserved it 45 470

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Same thing different taste

By tkrause - 01/04/2013 17:17 - Canada - Nelson

Today, my boyfriend came over with a hickey on his neck. He thinks "The vacuum did it" is a believable excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 453

You deserved it 4 168

By hoovered - 04/03/2009 16:24 - United States

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to give me a "hickey" with a vacuum cleaner while I was passed out drunk. Not only do I have to try and explain this to my girlfriend, but we're meeting her parents for lunch this afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 062

You deserved it 22 457

By anonymous - 04/10/2017 20:51

Today, my boyfriend keeps trying to convince me that the hickey on his neck was from his friend attacking him with a vacuum cleaner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 495

You deserved it 431

By IloveJapan - 02/04/2012 14:02 - Japan

Today, my boyfriend gave me a hickey. On my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 446

You deserved it 10 161

Played yourself

By nano123 - 17/04/2020 08:00

Today, I gave myself a hickey on my bicep just to know how it feels. I'm a 28-year-old virgin and yes, that's possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 610

You deserved it 566

By nonymous human subject - 14/11/2015 20:02 - United States - Palo Alto

Today, I got to my human anatomy class with a hickey on my neck. Since I sit in the front row, my professor noticed and decided to call me to the front. He then started talking about ruptured blood vessels and hickeys, all while as I served as the subject. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 559

You deserved it 7 876

By Anonymous - 01/07/2013 18:03 - United States - Pleasantville

Today, I saw my girlfriend for the first time in weeks. She had a hickey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 436

You deserved it 6 295

By Kevin - 09/09/2011 12:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I wrote a fake phone number on my neck to make it look like someone had hit on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 201

You deserved it 42 941

I'M SORRY!

By Anonymous - 25/08/2023 04:00

Today, I got back at my boyfriend for sticking the hoover nozzle in my mouth as a prank by doing the exact same thing to him. Unfortunately, it must have burst a blood vessel in his lip because it swelled right up and his entire lower jaw on the right side is just one massive bruise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 364

You deserved it 591

Old dog, new tricks

By Anonymous - 06/09/2009 21:50 - United States

Today, my mom noticed the hickey that I have on my neck. Embarrassed, I tried convincing her that I burnt myself using a hair straightener. She then told me that that's the same excuse she told my grandma when she got a hickey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 916

You deserved it 47 001

milakitty21 0

Wednesday 14 July 2010 9:05

who were you trying to impress?

srunano 4

Wednesday 14 July 2010 9:04

Stop playing with your vacuum hose and go to a club or a party....then maybe you can get laid

Comments

LikeaManagerBro 0

Sunday 8 January 2012 16:41

I watched this on a thousand ways to die once , The veins and stuff in her neck collapsed from the suction and she died . Yaaay . :/

newburton13 26

Friday 6 April 2012 16:18

Pathetic.

ztsmith98 0

Monday 2 July 2012 5:00

Desperate

EMTchic 14

Thursday 5 July 2012 20:45

That'd be one big ass hickey . . .

Kk_Waylen24 21

Friday 5 April 2013 7:49

Wow that'a sad

Ziaryx 3

Saturday 29 June 2013 5:07

Be careful. Getting a hickey from a vacuum can cause internal bleeding if it is near an artery. And why don't you just go to a party or something?

nachosbabygurl 9

Thursday 3 October 2013 5:22

how pathetic

amisenho 11

Monday 7 October 2013 18:41

Haven't you ever watched "1000 Ways to Die"?

Ayena 5

Sunday 28 December 2014 16:00

not a bad idea :P

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was on the webcam with my boyfriend. I could see that he was on the couch, and alone, so I took off my shirt and smiled, waiting to see his reaction. He smiled at me but then kept looking in another direction. I playfully asked "What's so distracting?" His answer: "History Channel". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 435

You deserved it 10 095

Today, I called off my engagement because I fell in love with my best friend of 10 years since we recently reconnected. I confessed my feelings to her and asked her out. She rejected me and said she only sees me as a friend. Now I’m completely single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 4 080

The Top

Today, I wanted to take a nap after cleaning my apartment, so I put the trash outside the front door and put a note on the door for my roommate, saying, "Please take the trash out when you leave for work." When I woke up, the note was gone but the trash was still there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 380

You deserved it 1 991

Today, I went back to my friends place drunk. As we were walking in, she told me to be quiet, so as not to wake her parents and let them know we were drunk. I then walked in and looked at her parents, who were still awake watching TV, and said, "Shhh. Meg told me not to wake her parents." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 744

You deserved it 3 252

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and he was moaning a lot. My ego was quickly crushed, though, when I found out they were moans of pain due to a foot cramp. We had to stop so I could rub his foot better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 881

You deserved it 6 740

Today, at a quiet restaurant, my stepdad loudly told me he hopes in the future they have "hover caskets" so he doesn't have to carry my "fat ass" to the grave. All because I didn't want a side salad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 371

You deserved it 2 341

Today, I found out that the so-called vegetarian soy sauce my mom has made for me several times has minced meat in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 250

You deserved it 13 504

Today, my mum told me how I was only here because my dad couldn't pull out in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 047

You deserved it 3 673

Same thing different taste

Played yourself

I'M SORRY!

Old dog, new tricks

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