Health: Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice...

By Anonymous - 17/07/2011 08:43 - United States

Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 375

You deserved it 22 632

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Same thing different taste

By joe - 31/01/2009 23:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 714

You deserved it 26 844

By goddamitme - 21/02/2009 19:23 - United States

Today, My girlfriend came from behind me and put her hand in my back pockets. I though it was someone trying to take my wallet, I elbowed her in the nose and broke it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 138

You deserved it 12 932

By Anonymous - 01/11/2014 18:23 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, my girlfriend came over to my place unannounced. She slapped me in the face, said, "You son of a bitch." and stormed off. I have no idea what that was for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 857

You deserved it 5 521

The opposite of a good idea

By gorokhan2 - 27/04/2020 17:00

Today, I wanted to prank my girlfriend by giving her a jump scare. Right before I tried to scare her in an empty parking lot, she turned towards me, pepper-sprayed me in the eyes and kicked me in the balls. When she realized it was me, she called me an asshole and dumped on the spot and drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 763

You deserved it 4 427

What are you doing?

By Tyler - 25/08/2013 04:30 - United States

Today, I went to the mall with my girlfriend to buy some new clothes, and I turned around to give her a quick kiss. My lips were half-way to "her" face when I saw instead the face of another lady. She slapped me. My girlfriend was standing next to me, very pissed off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 243

You deserved it 9 697

Joe Smooth move

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was in school when I spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her, I broke her nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 519

You deserved it 38 448

By hero to zero - 04/07/2011 16:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 133

You deserved it 15 186

By *facefloor* - 24/07/2012 20:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 073

You deserved it 5 417

By Nerrh - 12/03/2011 10:53 - Australia

Today, I tickled my girlfriend, and her first reflex was to swing her elbow back and break my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 237

You deserved it 33 655

Get out

By Anonymous - 15/07/2022 00:00

Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating, so she smashed me in the head with her handbag so hard my eyeball is red from a burst blood vessel. I followed her home, where she tried to pretend she knew nothing, it wasn’t her I'd seen, she’d been home all day. I had to get the cops to drag her out my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 276

You deserved it 160

TAHK 11

Sunday 17 July 2011 18:47

I wonder if she knows you're her boyfriend

Iamnotmyself 17

Sunday 17 July 2011 18:56

*Her lawyer pops out of nowhere* "Anything my client says in the next 72 hours is not legally binding."

Comments

BeatlesObsessed 12

Sunday 17 July 2011 18:50

I can imagine the security camera man cracking up.

Monkeyone 0

Sunday 17 July 2011 18:50

Fail

igotfirst 0

Sunday 17 July 2011 18:52

I can see them breaking up. And that wouldn't end well for him either, judging by what she does to people.

lilwaynerockz_fml 12

Sunday 17 July 2011 18:59

are you an idiot?

magaliwoodrock 19

Sunday 17 July 2011 18:54

girl power

_Sophia_ 14

Sunday 17 July 2011 18:59

Seems a bit extreme, maybe you pissed her off earlier?

GayBaconStrip 0

Sunday 17 July 2011 19:00

... Why does your girlfriend carry mace?

mattsan1992 0

Sunday 17 July 2011 20:06

she was raped as a child

xxsarahfxx 6

Sunday 17 July 2011 20:58

they might just live in a bad town.

Molly_Amanda 11

Sunday 17 July 2011 19:00

that was just stupid, YDI.

Jirekianu2 19

Sunday 17 July 2011 21:52

so if you tried to do that to your boyfriend and he turned around and slugged you or did a martial arts throw and said "you deserved that" and walked off with no sympathy it would be okay?

sourgirl101 28

Sunday 17 July 2011 19:08

I guess she can't recognize your voice. I can understand pulling away fast to see who you were but a nut hit and mace? She must really hate people invading her personal space!

fthku 13

Sunday 17 July 2011 19:19

Just because it was OP's "fault", doesn't mean he particularly deserves it. He was just trying to surprise his girlfriend. I understand it can get scary, but this FML just ridiculously outlines the double standards of some people here. She elbowed him, maced his face, AND after realising it's him did nothing but walk away and say "serves you right"? not even concerned about him? That is very extreme- and it would still be so even if it wasn't her boyfriend.

horrorfreak79nj 2

Sunday 17 July 2011 19:20

You should separate from her while you have the chance. Afterwards, continue reminding her how unstable she is & how no one will ever love her.

mandaboo 8

Sunday 17 July 2011 20:19

Hahahahaha, loved this

horrorfreak79nj 2

Sunday 17 July 2011 21:17

Thanks ! Sometimes a lil' tough love & a tender kick to some whacked-out drama queen's head is all that's needed. I can only hope the OP took my advice ...