Health: Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice...

By Anonymous - 17/07/2011 08:43 - United States

Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 375

You deserved it 22 632

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Same thing different taste

By joe - 31/01/2009 23:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 714

You deserved it 26 844

By goddamitme - 21/02/2009 19:23 - United States

Today, My girlfriend came from behind me and put her hand in my back pockets. I though it was someone trying to take my wallet, I elbowed her in the nose and broke it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 138

You deserved it 12 932

By Anonymous - 01/11/2014 18:23 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, my girlfriend came over to my place unannounced. She slapped me in the face, said, "You son of a bitch." and stormed off. I have no idea what that was for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 857

You deserved it 5 521

The opposite of a good idea

By gorokhan2 - 27/04/2020 17:00

Today, I wanted to prank my girlfriend by giving her a jump scare. Right before I tried to scare her in an empty parking lot, she turned towards me, pepper-sprayed me in the eyes and kicked me in the balls. When she realized it was me, she called me an asshole and dumped on the spot and drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 763

You deserved it 4 427

What are you doing?

By Tyler - 25/08/2013 04:30 - United States

Today, I went to the mall with my girlfriend to buy some new clothes, and I turned around to give her a quick kiss. My lips were half-way to "her" face when I saw instead the face of another lady. She slapped me. My girlfriend was standing next to me, very pissed off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 243

You deserved it 9 697

Joe Smooth move

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was in school when I spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her, I broke her nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 519

You deserved it 38 448

By hero to zero - 04/07/2011 16:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 133

You deserved it 15 186

By *facefloor* - 24/07/2012 20:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 073

You deserved it 5 417

By Nerrh - 12/03/2011 10:53 - Australia

Today, I tickled my girlfriend, and her first reflex was to swing her elbow back and break my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 237

You deserved it 33 655

Get out

By Anonymous - 15/07/2022 00:00

Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating, so she smashed me in the head with her handbag so hard my eyeball is red from a burst blood vessel. I followed her home, where she tried to pretend she knew nothing, it wasn’t her I'd seen, she’d been home all day. I had to get the cops to drag her out my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 276

You deserved it 160

TAHK 11

Sunday 17 July 2011 18:47

I wonder if she knows you're her boyfriend

Iamnotmyself 17

Sunday 17 July 2011 18:56

*Her lawyer pops out of nowhere* "Anything my client says in the next 72 hours is not legally binding."

Comments

swizzle9162 5

Sunday 17 July 2011 23:11

that is amazingly stupid, she needs to chill out for real.

hateevryone 14

Sunday 17 July 2011 23:30

that was really uncalled for. if she is ashamed to be seen with you in public, then you need a new gf.

hjanelle14 2

Sunday 17 July 2011 23:40

no one ever said she was ashamed to be seen with OP she was scared shitless

jcingram 2

Sunday 17 July 2011 23:41

No one deserves mace to the face for playing guess who... All I'm saying is all of you say he deserved it but if a girl would've done the same thing as OP and her boyfriend reacted the exact same way he would've been the bad guy.

TMas13 9

Monday 18 July 2011 0:12

Don't do things like that you nut.

Pot14 9

Monday 18 July 2011 0:24

get rid of her.

guitargoddess89 3

Monday 18 July 2011 0:31

gee... is she in the special forces, SEALS or Marines??? or just a little bit paranoid? haha that sucks for you. I could see someone reacting that way walking alone in the city or something, but in a store?? she didn't have to be cold about it though. if it were me, I'd be a slave for my bf for month lol. well maybe not. but you get my point. =)

SlackR 0

Monday 18 July 2011 11:07

girls aren't allowed to be seals just an FYI.

guitargoddess89 3

Tuesday 19 July 2011 2:16

lol well thanks for that =)

jeffdubya 0

Monday 18 July 2011 1:21

time for a new girlfriend... or perhaps some self defense lessons of your own.

Pufferfish78 5

Monday 18 July 2011 1:45

I can understand the first reaction but you'd think that when trying to find the mace she would have seen you and noticed who you really were. Either a little unstable or she really fears you.