Awkward, Cute and Kids: Today, I surprised my four year-old daughter with a stuffed dinosaur....

By douglas - 17/07/2011 07:14 - United States

Today, I surprised my four year-old daughter with a stuffed dinosaur. She named it "Horny". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 184

You deserved it 8 253

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 09/02/2013 20:03 - United States - Chula Vista

Today, I gave my 5-year-old daughter a unicorn pillow pet. She ended up giving him an ill-advised name, and has been loudly proclaiming to everyone she sees that her pillow pet is Horny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 904

You deserved it 4 919

Don't worry!

By Anonymous - 22/01/2020 01:00

Today, my girlfriend of four months asked me to babysit her four-year-old daughter. All went well, and she texted me to see how she was. I wanted to say “a little ornery”. My phone auto corrected ornery to horny. She didn't appreciate that her four-year-old daughter was a little horny from her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 947

You deserved it 541

By parentof5 - 23/04/2011 15:20 - United States

Today, my 4 year old daughter walked in while I was changing my shirt. She said "When I get older I am going to have big boobies just like you." I'm her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 643

You deserved it 24 787

By anonymous - 28/07/2011 05:39 - United States

Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 444

You deserved it 16 962

Word of the day

By Maryann - 19/03/2021 05:01

Today, my four year-old daughter asked me what the word “necrophilia” means. I have no idea where she even heard that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 97

By Herdad - 30/07/2009 11:34 - United States

Today, my two year old daughter did not want to leave the toy store, when I picked her up she started screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 049

You deserved it 3 694

By Oblivious - 08/05/2009 19:39 - Kuwait

Today, I found out that my husband named our daughter after his favorite porn star. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155 941

You deserved it 16 231

Look!

By dinosaurboy - 06/02/2010 20:01 - United States

Today, my mom and I went to the mall to look for some boxer briefs. While looking, I saw two girls I knew from school, so I went over to say hello. At least, that was my plan, but my mom screamed, "Look! These have dinosaurs on them!" They left the store giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 696

You deserved it 5 465

By Anonymous - 16/08/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 113

You deserved it 10 955

By Rae - 30/07/2009 13:56 - United States

Today, I picked up my daughter from the day care but before we left, the babysitter needed to have a talk with me. To fill you in, I got a brand new prius yesterday. Apparently my daughter told eveyone that her mommy got a new penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 450

You deserved it 4 492

Niicky_fml 20

Sunday 17 July 2011 15:59

that's so cute! haha awww :)

Bowser6622 5

Sunday 17 July 2011 15:59

Coincidence?

Comments

Mi24hind 0

Sunday 17 July 2011 17:29

Aww, that's cute.

jc302406 3

Sunday 17 July 2011 17:32

ah to be young and naive

lovebeecharmer 6

Sunday 17 July 2011 17:33

lol don't complain. tell that to her first boyfriend

glitchedgamer 0

Sunday 17 July 2011 17:35

Aww that's just an innocent coincidence. I'm guessing you picked the triceratops.

InsanityShard 23

Sunday 11 March 2018 7:03

I once named a Marowak in Pokemon FireRed version Boner.

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Cheating Love Work Relatable Money Jealousy My ex Health Accident Medication ADHD Weather Snow Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Fight

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Today, I told my roommate that I was an atheist and she laughed. I left and returned to find her and her prayer group praying for my soul. She told me to accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior. I said no. Then she told me to find somewhere else to live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 852

You deserved it 1 042

Today, I found out that when my best friend and I were kids, our parents would cancel playdates when either of us opted to not go to church. They said it would, "strengthen our faith." We are now both adults and staunch atheists for that reason, and we're spending way more time together to make up for this crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 144

The Top

Today, it was both my and my stepmother's birthday. In preparation, my dad bought a huge banner with my stepmother's name on it, and a lovely birthday cake. When I told him it was also my birthday, he just grunted and taped a post-it note to the banner with my name on it. Same with the cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 830

You deserved it 3 038

Today, after visiting friends for the weekend, I took the wrong train home. It was going in completely the opposite direction. I've now missed the last train back, will miss work tomorrow and have just been asked to vacate the train station. I'm 120 miles from home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 271

You deserved it 5 774

Today, I got a huge bill through the post. It turns out that my elderly mother made the vet come out to my house to see the dog while I was out, because she was scared of the little growths she had found on his body. They were nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 615

You deserved it 2 694

Today, I got rejected by a girl I wasn't even trying to ask out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 441

You deserved it 4 162

Today, I was helping some teachers with an exhibition for my final project. I brought an old USB stick with my final piece on it to display on a TV, but what I didn't know was that the TV didn't organize files by folders. Three teachers got a glimpse of my friend's infected nipple piercing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 803

You deserved it 3 317

Today, I was once again called a "selfish bitch" because I don't want kids, even though I can't provide for them mentally, emotionally, physically or financially. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 423

You deserved it 1 693

Same thing different taste

Don't worry!

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