Animals: Today, I tasted a perfectly salted, crispy, and dead carpenter...

By ReluctantAntEater - 21/08/2014 21:48 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I tasted a perfectly salted, crispy, and dead carpenter ant hidden in my bag of pistachios. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 045

You deserved it 3 574

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Same thing different taste

By somechick - 09/12/2009 05:25 - Canada

Today, I was eating a bag of almonds I got from the bulk food store, picking off what I thought was stringy remnants of their shells. When I finally got down to the bottom of the bag, I found a silk worm circling around the last almond left of a bag of about 200. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 366

You deserved it 6 105

By Ryuuchild666 - 01/10/2018 13:30

Today, I bought a 3 lb bag of pears. The first two bites were delicious! The third bite revealed a worm and its thousands of eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 526

You deserved it 222

By Anonymous - 08/12/2009 20:18 - United States

Today, I went to the ice cream shop after dinner. I am deathly allergic to nuts so I picked the vanilla. I take one bite and feel something crunchy, and see what I thought was an almond in the cup. I spit out the icecream in a panic. Good news? It wasn't an almond. Bad news? It was a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 552

You deserved it 2 623

Gotta have it

By kp. - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I found ants all over my chocolate, but I'm so addicted that I just wiped them off and ate it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 992

You deserved it 59 178

By Anonymous - 31/12/2013 07:52 - United States - Bend

Today, feeling too lazy to cook dinner, I bought a bagged salad from a low-end store. I dumped the contents into a bowl; the first thing that fell out was a dead mouse. Bon appetit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 526

You deserved it 6 848

By ticked - 06/10/2009 13:01 - Pakistan

Today, I was eating a packet of chips while watching TV. I saw a crumb on the table in front of me, so without thinking I picked it up and ate it. It wasn't a crumb. It was a tick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 557

You deserved it 47 992

By Anonymous - 10/02/2016 18:36 - United States - Milford

Today, instead of reaching for some unhealthy food, I tried to eat some dates instead. It was all fine until I bit one in half and saw a rather large, squirming maggot inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 330

You deserved it 2 015

By Rachel - 02/02/2009 22:00 - United States

Today, I bit into a cereal bar and thought the inside was oddly damp. I took a look at it and saw a maggot worm wriggling around. Its friend was in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 263

You deserved it 3 293

By YeahItsmecoolhuh - 17/02/2011 06:50 - United Arab Emirates

Today, I found a horde of ants in one of my socks when I put it on my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 558

You deserved it 4 987

Thanks for the heads up

By thanksbro - 20/09/2010 19:26 - United States

Today, I grabbed a handful of crackers from the kitchen, only to find it crawling with bugs. Apparently, my brother had made the same discovery earlier, but put the box of crackers back in the cupboard anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 936

You deserved it 3 037

detectivedipsiht 12

Friday 22 August 2014 12:16

so if it tasted perfect it couldn't have been all bad right

Warmonger_Smurf 29

Friday 22 August 2014 12:19

Good thing you thoroughly identified it before eating it.

Comments

trendkilla254 4

Friday 22 August 2014 20:19

I am getting tired of take fmls getting approved. how the heck did you know it was a carpenter ant?

lhazz11 23

Friday 22 August 2014 20:46

I missed the "ant" and thought you ate a dead carpenter for a sec

spacey_blueberry 18

Saturday 23 August 2014 2:23

At least it's good protein, am I right?

Chezzlova 5

Saturday 23 August 2014 6:57

The word "Crisp" travels from the back of your mouth to the front.

dDailydDosage 8

Saturday 23 August 2014 15:47

Ew ew ew

INDYSTRUCTABLE 43

Sunday 24 August 2014 10:45

disturbing. I've been eating them all week!! ... the pistachios

allydloves1d 4

Monday 25 August 2014 17:48

But was it good?

sashafierce3516 5

Tuesday 26 August 2014 4:30

how do you mistake an ant for a pistachio? they don't even feel the same...a pistachio is hard and round.

VolitairianArrow 17

Tuesday 26 August 2014 23:24

great source of protein, ya? Lol

PsudoAnon 20

Monday 18 July 2016 21:38

Username should be "ErrantAntEater."

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Today, I wrote a submission to FML and I realized that I could be doing so much more with my life than this. I mean really, I have real life stuff to deal with, and I don't have the time to be reading these s*itposts, much less making my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 536

Today, my girlfriend got into a huge fight with her mom over the phone. After the fight, she looked ready to cry so I went over to comfort her. She went straight past me, and started confiding in her creepy, extremely expensive dolls instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 874

You deserved it 3 148

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Today, while in bed, my fiancé rolled over in the dark and complimented me on my nice buttocks. He had actually grabbed a roll of back fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 695

You deserved it 1 100

Today, I ran home because a guy I had never seen before got off the bus at the same time as me, and followed me almost all the way home. I was crying for my mom to call the police but my brother just snorted at me, because, “Only pretty girls have stalkers.” I wish I was an only child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 285

You deserved it 253

Today, I found out that the airhead sitting next to me at work who can't get anything done on her own, makes more money than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 997

You deserved it 162

Today, I finally started my first job. I also lost it, for being too "enthusiastic" and making my fellow employees look lazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 111

You deserved it 969

Today, my husband got fired from his government-mandated "volunteer" work due to a sexual harassment complaint he filed. He's morbidly obese and still gets more attention in the years we've been together than my whole life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 198

Today, at my new job, a coworker offered to help me mop the floors since she wasn't busy. I ended up getting written up by my boss for supposedly being too lazy and making other people finish my work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 364

You deserved it 969

Same thing different taste

Gotta have it

Thanks for the heads up

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