Intimacy: Today, I thought it would be sexy to surprise my boyfriend by...

By keepsmiling - 02/09/2009 11:19 - France

Today, I thought it would be sexy to surprise my boyfriend by hiding in the closet naked and pouncing on him as he came to get his pants. I never got to the pouncing. Apparently my boyfriend has heightened reflexes so instead I got slapped hard across the face. My ear is still ringing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 408

You deserved it 47 602

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Same thing different taste

By horny21 - 21/02/2010 08:19 - Canada

Today, I was laying on the bed, naked, waiting for my boyfriend to come home since we haven't had sex in almost a month. Hearing him come in, I struck my sexiest pose. He walked into our room and tossed his backpack at me. Not only did we not have sex, his backpack gave me a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 517

You deserved it 4 037

Classic

By Singleagain - 10/01/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, when I came home, my girlfriend was in sexy lingerie, and said it was a surprise for me. Sounds awesome, right? Too bad she was drenched in sweat and the room smelled like sex. I looked in the closet, only to get punched in the face by a naked guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 126

By anonymous - 18/12/2010 09:11 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around. He threw me over his shoulder and turned around, smacking my face against the wall. Then he smacked my head into the fridge after turning round to see "what that loud bang" was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 419

You deserved it 4 472

By Anonymous - 22/03/2011 05:54 - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend in his bedroom. It was getting pretty intense, so he got up to close the door. While he was facing the other way, I took off my bra and sling-shot it so that it would hit him. Right when I let go of it, his mom walked in and it hit her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 538

You deserved it 29 644

Wrong sort of poking

By Anonymous - 22/09/2013 05:40 - United States - Brandon

Today, my boyfriend got out of the shower and tried to hit my forehead with his penis. He slipped and slapped me in the eye with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 193

You deserved it 9 739

By besviken - 18/11/2012 22:53 - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, I had the best sex of our relationship with my boyfriend. Afterwards, he took off his condom, looked me sweetly in the eyes for a few moments, then decided to slap me in the face with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 456

You deserved it 6 328

Skittish

By Anonymous - 17/09/2024 22:00 - Germany

Today, I tried to surprise my boyfriend by jumping into his arms. He panicked, stepped aside, and I crashed into the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 482

By tara22 - 27/04/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to throw me against the wall and kiss me like they do in the movies. Being all aggressive and smooth, he grabs my shirt and pushes me. He pushed a little too hard and my head was thrown back into the wall. I was knocked out for ten minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 182

You deserved it 6 305

By omgdesdes - 16/11/2014 01:29 - United States - Casselberry

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he triumphantly flung the condom to the ceiling, only to have it come down and smack me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 715

You deserved it 6 019

By Anonymous - 07/11/2010 22:00 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when I lifted myself up a little bit. What I was not prepared for was my boyfriend leaning down to kiss my neck. We collided heads, hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 960

You deserved it 6 539

Fop 6

Wednesday 2 September 2009 16:38

YDI for hiding in someone else's closet... What the heck?

hockeyfml555 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 16:38

good job moron

Comments

DameGreyWulf 0

Thursday 3 September 2009 5:44

How did you manage to stay so horny this whole time? I mean, I assume some time must have passed if he went with defensive measures against you instead of realizing it couldn't be anyone else but you. But watch out about the pouncing. You COULD have hurt him. Trying something more like "Guess who?"

cattyfresh2115 0

Thursday 3 September 2009 5:57

youre a total moron... you wait on the BED naked not the damn closet! my boyfriend would have done the same thing most guys have crazy reflexes to attack!! STUUUUUUPID!

hawkloverr 0

Thursday 3 September 2009 6:55

thats kind of hot. you should have gone with that energy and maybe had some really awesome and different sex..

DameGreyWulf 0

Thursday 3 September 2009 7:27

You have a good point. "You hit me! You.... /ANIMAL/" and take it from there

jan714 0

Thursday 3 September 2009 9:47

dang yo he melee blocked your hunter pounce

danceoo 0

Thursday 3 September 2009 12:55

WTF! if someone jumped out of my closet i would FREAK OUT! that is so not sexy

rustylertz 0

Thursday 3 September 2009 19:07

Anyone see Burn After Reading? It could have been a lot worse...

Moosezilla 0

Thursday 3 September 2009 19:13

Well, that is the general response you get when you do come out of the closet.

silentmusic 0

Thursday 3 September 2009 19:17

hahahaha!!! i would freak in the beginng but i would probably scream instead of slap.....or pull out my knife that i carry around just in case someone jumps out of a closet or tries to attack me. im paranoid. so if he was like me and pulls out his knife and stabs her on accident well then......lol id proably laugh at that. what if he raped her dead body...............i need to get my overactive imagination under control. it just keeps going and going and going.....