Intimacy: Today, I told my boyfriend I was ovulating. He said he didn't...

By journey_Jeanne - 08/12/2011 02:31 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I was ovulating. He said he didn't want to have sex because he was afraid of getting eggs on his penis. He then compared it to having sex with a fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 038

You deserved it 5 159

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By bathtime - 21/12/2011 04:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend started freaking out about how his penis floats in water. Baths with him will never be the same again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 941

You deserved it 4 210

Wet noodle

By Anonymous - 01/08/2021 14:01

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't like having sex with me, because I get too wet and it makes him go limp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 581

You deserved it 108

Not now, Kevin

By Noname - 16/01/2009 17:31 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend struck up a conversation about the reproductive systems of seahorses. We were getting intimate at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 323

You deserved it 2 673

By Michelle - 27/12/2009 07:13 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he likes having sex during my period because it makes him feel like he stabbed a small animal to death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 575

You deserved it 4 785

Imagery

By bunnyluver4545 - 11/01/2012 05:42 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why having sex with him was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty Pringles can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 584

You deserved it 36 718

By Anonymous - 04/12/2013 22:08 - United States - Marsing

Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 470

You deserved it 12 273

By Anonymous - 22/03/2013 23:21 - Canada - Oakville

Today, I was feeling a bit insecure about my body, and I told my boyfriend I don't know how he can even stand to have sex with me. He replied, "I know, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 410

You deserved it 19 275

Taste test

By Anonymous - 08/06/2020 23:04

Today, I went to give my boyfriend head, and his dick tasted like condoms. I'm 5 months pregnant, we obviously don't use condoms. He got scared when I stopped and told him, then he got mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 669

You deserved it 272

How could you?

By datingmrpicky - 22/08/2011 03:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he wouldn't have sex with me because yesterday I ate a sandwich in his bed and got crumbs in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 504

You deserved it 36 979

By Anonymous - 04/10/2012 15:17 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I yet again had to explain to my boyfriend that, yes, I can get pregnant even if I don't actually have an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 049

You deserved it 4 241

mofran 0

Thursday 8 December 2011 8:49

make some dinner with fish eggs and say "damn got my eggs in the food AGAIN"

shadow2903 11

Thursday 8 December 2011 8:47

Haha weird boyfriend...obviously doesn't know a ton about female anatomy...

Comments

squid93 9

Monday 12 December 2011 3:17

Its like an all you can eat buffett...Tuna and caviar...

taracrane1 7

Monday 12 December 2011 7:38

First FML I've ever laughed out loud at.

BloodofaSavior 0

Wednesday 14 December 2011 8:24

This is absolutely disgusting.

blushy 14

Wednesday 14 December 2011 16:21

a fish..seriously

Brittaniblowup 0

Monday 2 January 2012 5:57

lol he is ******* dumb

C_L_Arctos 5

Wednesday 4 January 2012 21:32

That boy's about as sharp as the edge of town... :)

muffdriver27 5

Wednesday 11 January 2012 19:17

What a tool.

Cosmic_Horror 1

Tuesday 24 January 2012 10:59

It's your fault for preying on the mentally disabled. Next time find a boyfriend who is less retarded.

SkoomaKi 27

Monday 4 June 2012 20:26

Caviar tastes amazing though ;D

iloveajy 1

Tuesday 11 December 2012 16:16

That's stupid

Keywords

Love Cheating Money Work Relatable My ex Jealousy Health Accident ADHD Medication Snow Weather Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts

The Top

Today, and for the past month, I've been feeling lightheaded from a breathing problem. I've now been prescribed a medication to help with my anxiety and my breathing issue, which would in turn help stop me from getting so lightheaded. The side effect of said medication: lightheadedness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 868

You deserved it 295

Today, I had to quickly back out of a Skype call between me and three coworkers because my fiancée came home from work in tears. When things had calmed down, I re-entered the call to find them unaware I had returned, saying how glad they were I had left because they all secretly despise me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 878

You deserved it 2 095

The Top

Today, I got a call from my kid’s school, saying my daughter had a minor accident on the playground. When they asked her who to call, she'd said, "My mom’s probably in a meeting. Call the pizza place, they always pick up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 422

Today, I was told by my wife that we were going to be parents. We are both females. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 456

You deserved it 520

Today, I found myself lying to my diary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 515

You deserved it 1 861

Today, I discovered my husband of 8 years has been replying to an OnlyFans models pics on Twitter. Two weeks ago, I'd found his secret Instagram that only follows two OF models, and she's one of them. He also watches her on Twitch. He doesn't know I know. We've only had sex twice in the last year because he "doesn't think about sex." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 955

You deserved it 353

Today, I found out that the only reason my boyfriend got a job was so that he could buy weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 841

You deserved it 7 007

Today, I had to pick up my brother and his girlfriend from the bar at 2:00am because they were too drunk to drive themselves and had no money for an Uber. Five minutes into the ride, they started going at it in the back of my car. I don't think I'll be doing favors again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 636

You deserved it 531