Miscellaneous: Today, I took a crap. When I stood up to admire my handiwork...

By RIP Turd (peacebeuponit) - 17/12/2014 18:47 - Lebanon - Beirut

Today, I took a crap. When I stood up to admire my handiwork and flush, I noticed blood-red everywhere in the toilet. I freaked out like a little girl, thinking I was bleeding out of my ass. Then I noticed the ketchup packets my roommate had slipped under the seat to prank me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 891

You deserved it 6 638

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Same thing different taste

Spooky

By Scaredwitless - 28/01/2011 04:35 - United States

Today, my roommate decided to prank me by leaving a fake suicide note on the bathroom door and lying motionless in a bathtub full of water and red coloring. When I went, horrified, to take a closer look, he lunged at me and screamed. I was so scared I pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 915

You deserved it 6 020

By funyfunkid - 22/12/2009 19:18 - United States

Today, I saw a roach on my toilet. I thought it would be funny to pee on it. It jumped out, which scared me; I hit my head on the wall and started bleeding, then I peed all over myself and the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 135

You deserved it 47 944

Cringe

By mikesok988 - 07/05/2009 07:40 - United States

Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 475

You deserved it 4 811

By Oh dear - 05/07/2012 22:15 - Saint Vincent and the Grenadines - Kingstown

Today, I was taking a dump at a public restroom. As I reached over to grab the toilet paper, I realized someone had peed on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 619

You deserved it 2 732

By Anonymous - 04/04/2011 05:26

Today, I had diarrhea in a public bathroom. When I was finished, I noticed that someone had pissed all over the toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 436

You deserved it 4 697

By Anonymous - 31/10/2009 19:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 774

You deserved it 6 758

By Anonymous - 20/06/2015 01:22 - United States

Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 894

You deserved it 14 215

By Tressa95 - 25/02/2018 18:30 - United States - Belleville

Today, I walked into a public restroom and, to my utter surprise, saw a lady squeezing blood out of used tampons. We made eye contact, she continued, and I ran out in horror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 682

You deserved it 306

Splat!

By Anonymous - 11/05/2020 14:00

Today, I have a case of diarrhea. How did I find out? I got startled by my dog jumping up to greet me, and I shat all over the kitchen floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 554

You deserved it 215

Humpty Dumpy

By traumatized - 12/04/2014 18:07 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 449

You deserved it 9 410

Ghost_Kaulitz 16

Thursday 18 December 2014 0:20

Your roommate is my spirit animal.

tzemmy 25

Thursday 18 December 2014 0:24

what if you really were bleeding though the ass and didn't see it through the ketchup?

Comments

patrickeli 15

Thursday 18 December 2014 0:34

You should pull an upper decker on him

redrain567 16

Thursday 18 December 2014 12:42

*cringes* But they're roommates, so they probably share a bathroom

DogeMan 14

Thursday 18 December 2014 0:37

Put a ketchup packet on his straw and put it in his drink for a surprise

foxwasalamb 24

Thursday 18 December 2014 5:21

what?

iLike2Teabag 27

Thursday 18 December 2014 19:32

Put the straw into a packet of ketchup and put it into his drink, so when he goes to drink, he'll suck up the ketchup first.

Ashwathi 21

Thursday 18 December 2014 0:45

I wonder who had to clean that up.

Paulvuck 15

Thursday 18 December 2014 1:02

It probably wasn't a lot of work, considering that the ketchup was sprayed in the toilet. I would say that a flush and a little bit of brushing should fix it.

anxiousandalone 9

Thursday 18 December 2014 0:49

At least it wasn't hot sauce.

quicksuper 14

Thursday 18 December 2014 0:53

Who looks at their crap...? Pfft, not me.

Dillyduzit 23

Thursday 18 December 2014 4:21

Two types of people in this world: People who look at their poop and damn liars.

BlindlyWandering 17

Thursday 18 December 2014 7:00

It's actually recommended that you do. Knowing the color/size etc, of your stool can warn you of possible medical problems.

mommy2cassidy 18

Sunday 21 December 2014 8:29

I always look at my poop. It's a good thing to do. My 6 year old used to come out of the bathroom all proud and tried to get her dad and I to look at hers haha

SillyBeanie 8

Thursday 18 December 2014 0:56

Reminds me of the South Park episode where Stans dad Randy took the biggest crap ever, and his wife Sharon was like "what's up with guys and their craps?"

Sandsh8rk 36

Thursday 18 December 2014 0:58

Does this remind anyone of Captain Underpants at all?

quickit 24

Thursday 18 December 2014 1:12

Ironically I thought of the same thing. That one book where the kids would put the ketchup packets under the buds of the toilet seat; which resulted in everything just looking like a bloody mess.