Kids: Today, I took away my 8-year-old daughter's toy for throwing...

By brichard22 - 12/07/2015 14:25 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I took away my 8-year-old daughter's toy for throwing it too many times. She then said, "I need a beer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 836

You deserved it 5 818

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 10/09/2010 14:56 - United States

Today, my 8 year old adopted daughter told me she wants me to take her back so another family can adopt her because I don't give her enough toys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 907

You deserved it 4 635

By Herdad - 30/07/2009 11:34 - United States

Today, my two year old daughter did not want to leave the toy store, when I picked her up she started screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 049

You deserved it 3 694

What about king-size chocolate bars?

By marie - 14/08/2022 20:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I took away my daughter’s candy bar, saying, “Princesses never eat sweets.” She spent the next few hours crying, because she “didn’t want to be a princess anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 2 372

By Anonymous - 07/06/2019 22:00

Today, I went into my fridge and someone had drank all the beer. Only my 8-year-old son lives with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 618

You deserved it 382

By Anya - 17/12/2016 16:09 - Japan - Fukuoka

Today, after being fed up with my sarcastic, mouthy daughter, I decided to remove her TV from her room. I dropped it on my foot and broke two toes. She promptly said, "That's what you get." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 688

You deserved it 1 828

Irony failure

By alcoholic - 31/10/2009 14:30 - Estonia

Today, I was telling my teenage daughter about the effects from alcohol, and how she should not give in to peer pressure. While talking, I noticed that she was looking at me funny. There was a wine glass in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 824

You deserved it 51 707

By Nuts - 07/11/2015 02:55 - Canada - Grimsby

Today, my daughter told me she wanted to divorce me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 707

You deserved it 3 166

By The_Black_Jesus - 31/03/2013 13:32 - United States

Today, I went to visit some family out of state for my niece's birthday. I couldn't think of what to get an 8-year-old so I got her a Barbie doll. Everyone else got her money, iPods, game consoles, etc. When she got to mine she asked "how do I turn it on?" Then threw it away when she couldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 378

You deserved it 5 250

Teenagers these days

By prostitott - 04/05/2013 07:22

Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 514

You deserved it 15 394

By Anonymous - 06/10/2013 04:44 - United States

Today, my 6-year-old daughter threw a tantrum in the middle of a store, all because I wouldn't buy her a pushup bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 472

You deserved it 7 175

DerrickJames 33

Monday 13 July 2015 9:36

Children are model learners. Be a better model or keep them around better models.

wheresmymary 22

Monday 13 July 2015 9:36

They grow up so fast

Comments

MJS103 15

Monday 13 July 2015 9:38

It's a hard nock life.

WarMachine68 24

Monday 13 July 2015 9:39

yikes... maybe try to explain why that's not such a good thing..? I don't know what I'd do in your shoes, op...

alanamarieg 18

Monday 13 July 2015 9:40

I honestly hope shes joking. Good luck with her, OP.

Cads1 24

Monday 13 July 2015 9:43

Did you crack a cold one for her?

whycantisignup 24

Monday 13 July 2015 9:46

Murica!

kittykat1501 31

Monday 13 July 2015 9:52

Honestly, lots of good comments are getting down voted! Why? Half of the negative votes on here are on the best comments!

worldclassrager 39

Monday 13 July 2015 9:55

If her toy was a ball what's the issue?

WOTAN1488 24

Monday 13 July 2015 10:01

Well who did she learn it from? Grandma?

Pingvinai 37

Monday 13 July 2015 10:08

As long as it's not Bud Light.

freddy562 8

Monday 13 July 2015 10:11

this is how lesbians are created

MalekiMaker99 22

Monday 13 July 2015 11:03

Stay classy

ford_chick_22 12

Monday 13 July 2015 17:59

That's because there is no logic.

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Today, I wanted to show my friends my cat’s “high-five” trick. I held out my hand, and instead of a high-five, my cat scratched and bit me instead. I yelped, and my friends burst into laughter. I had to bandage my hand, all whilst they joked about “cat training.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 375

Today, my father had a dream that he'd lost me forever, and the pain was so unbearable, it woke him up. Turns out, the pain he was experiencing was just his bowels and he really needed to take a shit. This is the most affection I've ever received from my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 032

You deserved it 3 461

The Top

Today, I had to explain to two different educated adults - one with an IT background and one pure maths Master - that dystopian literature is not an accurate historical record of the Middle Ages. Somebody get STEM majors some humanities… FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 165

Today, my boyfriend yawned while I was giving him head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 316

You deserved it 33 856

Today, I was enjoying some much needed serenity while I ate lunch in an empty park. To my surprise, an older, clean cut man in a suit sits on the bench next to me. Without saying a word, he unleashes the most foul of farts I've ever witnessed, gets up, gives me a nod, and leaves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 021

You deserved it 6 022

Today, while mowing my backyard, I carelessly ran over a fire ant hill. Thousands of tiny stinging insects blowing towards you while you're wearing shorts and a t-shirt is definitely not fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 897

You deserved it 5 439

Today, my 4-year-old daughter figured out how to set a parental code lock on our television so we can't watch football because it scares her when we scream. She won't tell us no matter what we bribe her with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 125

You deserved it 27 078

Today, my dad forced me to leave my empty shopping cart in the middle of a store, rather than return it to the corral. My dad’s word is law, and all I can think about is how much of an asshole I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 266

Same thing different taste

What about king-size chocolate bars?

Irony failure

Teenagers these days

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