Love: Today, I wanted to make love with my boyfriend for the first...

By Anonymous - 03/09/2009 03:21 - United States

Today, I wanted to make love with my boyfriend for the first time. I wanted everything to be perfect. The CD kept skipping, the rose petals had ants all over them, and he couldn't get it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 114

You deserved it 13 841

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 02/11/2009 14:04 - United States

Today, I finally had the opportunity to have sex with my girlfriend. This would be the first time for both of us, so I tried to make it really special. I had everything planned out to be very romantic. She loved how it was set up. After all this, I couldn't get it up at all, all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 142

You deserved it 5 116

DJ Perfectionist

By ImOverHere - 02/09/2012 16:56 - United States - Whitehouse

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend with candles and a sexy outfit. When he came in, he insisted that we needed music to help set the mood. Thirty minutes later, he's still searching for a song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 038

You deserved it 3 104

Mr Floppy

By rachiej8 - 10/06/2012 04:13 - United States - Fairlee

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 043

You deserved it 5 523

Loverman

By dating a manchild - 01/06/2012 23:50 - Denmark - Hellerup

Today, I arranged a romantic dinner for my boyfriend. His favourite meal, fresh flowers, scented candles. Everything went beautifully, at least until he wrapped an arm around me and whispered, "Want some dick?" into my ear. Mood horrifically ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 890

You deserved it 7 387

By Anonymous - 06/08/2011 01:47 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. He was so nervous, he broke down in tears after failing to unclasp my bra after multiple fumbling attempts. Mood? Ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 757

You deserved it 5 994

By kahemae44 - 27/10/2009 10:20 - United States

Today, I visited my boyfriend's house excited about the romantic night he promised me. As time passed, we started making out and heading up to his room. Rose petals and candles filled his room. "How romantic", I thought. That is, until we saw his 5 year old sister blowing up condom balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 418

You deserved it 5 563

By Kiddo - 02/09/2013 06:49 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, after months of patiently waiting, I finally got my roommates out of the house for the night so I could have sex with my boyfriend for the first time without being interrupted. He couldn't get it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 012

You deserved it 7 446

Follow the script

By ufhdafuhds - 19/03/2009 23:31 - Egypt

Today, I had sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pocket. Turns out he'd written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139 399

You deserved it 14 504

Sensitive snowflake

By onepussytwopussy - 07/03/2014 19:47 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 426

You deserved it 26 490

Giggle loop

By Anonymous - 18/03/2010 10:39 - United States

Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 323

You deserved it 38 286

thequickredofox 0

Thursday 3 September 2009 9:13

Sheesh - poor guy was under so much pressure, what with trying to replicate every cliched movie ever made 'n all, no wonder he choked!

allmidnighteyes 10

Thursday 3 September 2009 9:10

Rose petals? Somebody's read a few too many romance novels. At least you didn't have a Twilight fantasy.... **** that shit.

Comments

Rota 0

Thursday 3 September 2009 9:18

Fail. Why do women think it's going to be so amazing the first time? it's lasts like ten seconds and you both kinda awkwardly lay there, confused and angry.

windmillary 0

Thursday 3 September 2009 10:01

Doesn't have to be that way, you know. Way to aim low. xD

mEeLa_fml 0

Thursday 3 September 2009 12:10

shame... *shakes head sadly* ...shame

meggy_joy 2

Monday 5 September 2011 14:56

not everyone's like that. some do have an amazing first time.

zeal 0

Thursday 3 September 2009 9:19

Wtf? CDs? Rose petals? Are you out of your mind? It's freakin' making love, not getting married. And who uses CDs anyways? You don't have to worry about skips if you use an mp3 player like everyone else does...

_rawrasaur_ 0

Thursday 3 September 2009 9:29

all you jaded sex veterans out there can shut it. i think it's sweet >_> bit over the top, but still a nice thought ^^ sorry it kind of failed xD

youaresofucked 0

Thursday 3 September 2009 12:06

finally someone who's think what I do. No wonder romance is dead these days.....its becasue of all of you!

regalarius 0

Thursday 3 September 2009 17:45

And the ants. And the skipping CD. And anxiety. :-) I blame idealism - when romance has to be perfect, it's hard for it to persist. *coughs in the OP's general direction*

blahnie517 0

Sunday 6 September 2009 12:14

Yeah, you're right, it is nice - but it's nice to do it "just because" all the time :) not JUST because it's your first time with someone... that's bound to be awkward if you have high expectations

frawd_fml 0

Thursday 3 September 2009 9:30

the first time is going to suck regardless. get a new boyfriend with a piece that works and relax. you don't have to make it like a movie every time. just enjoy yourself.

kukopia 0

Thursday 3 September 2009 20:09

Why should she dump the bf??? She obviously ruined it with all her attention on perfection instead of him. I say she owes him a BJ (at least).

boatkicker 4

Thursday 3 September 2009 21:06

My first time didn't suck, Not at all. Of course it also didn't have rose petals, ants and a skipping CD.

Nobinx 15

Monday 30 May 2016 20:00

with a piece that works? geez boys are no robots

lo1337a 1

Thursday 3 September 2009 9:32

YDI for putting so much pressure on him to make it perfect for the first time.

VoxEOD 0

Friday 4 September 2009 0:26

i agree, you gotta make it comfortable for the guy for his first time. i had the anxiety crap too, i sympathize

passtheleino 0

Thursday 3 September 2009 9:36

This got me so horny that I now have an enormous erection and I would be glad to stick it in your Vag for a small fee. WARNING: I don't give a shit if it hurts, I go hard.