Love: Today, I wanted to make love with my boyfriend for the first...

By Anonymous - 03/09/2009 03:21 - United States

Today, I wanted to make love with my boyfriend for the first time. I wanted everything to be perfect. The CD kept skipping, the rose petals had ants all over them, and he couldn't get it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 114

You deserved it 13 841

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 02/11/2009 14:04 - United States

Today, I finally had the opportunity to have sex with my girlfriend. This would be the first time for both of us, so I tried to make it really special. I had everything planned out to be very romantic. She loved how it was set up. After all this, I couldn't get it up at all, all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 142

You deserved it 5 116

DJ Perfectionist

By ImOverHere - 02/09/2012 16:56 - United States - Whitehouse

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend with candles and a sexy outfit. When he came in, he insisted that we needed music to help set the mood. Thirty minutes later, he's still searching for a song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 038

You deserved it 3 104

Mr Floppy

By rachiej8 - 10/06/2012 04:13 - United States - Fairlee

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 043

You deserved it 5 523

Loverman

By dating a manchild - 01/06/2012 23:50 - Denmark - Hellerup

Today, I arranged a romantic dinner for my boyfriend. His favourite meal, fresh flowers, scented candles. Everything went beautifully, at least until he wrapped an arm around me and whispered, "Want some dick?" into my ear. Mood horrifically ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 890

You deserved it 7 387

By Anonymous - 06/08/2011 01:47 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. He was so nervous, he broke down in tears after failing to unclasp my bra after multiple fumbling attempts. Mood? Ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 757

You deserved it 5 994

By kahemae44 - 27/10/2009 10:20 - United States

Today, I visited my boyfriend's house excited about the romantic night he promised me. As time passed, we started making out and heading up to his room. Rose petals and candles filled his room. "How romantic", I thought. That is, until we saw his 5 year old sister blowing up condom balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 418

You deserved it 5 563

By Kiddo - 02/09/2013 06:49 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, after months of patiently waiting, I finally got my roommates out of the house for the night so I could have sex with my boyfriend for the first time without being interrupted. He couldn't get it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 012

You deserved it 7 446

Follow the script

By ufhdafuhds - 19/03/2009 23:31 - Egypt

Today, I had sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pocket. Turns out he'd written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139 399

You deserved it 14 504

Sensitive snowflake

By onepussytwopussy - 07/03/2014 19:47 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 426

You deserved it 26 490

Giggle loop

By Anonymous - 18/03/2010 10:39 - United States

Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 323

You deserved it 38 286

thequickredofox 0

Thursday 3 September 2009 9:13

Sheesh - poor guy was under so much pressure, what with trying to replicate every cliched movie ever made 'n all, no wonder he choked!

allmidnighteyes 10

Thursday 3 September 2009 9:10

Rose petals? Somebody's read a few too many romance novels. At least you didn't have a Twilight fantasy.... **** that shit.

Comments

Darth_Taco 14

Thursday 3 September 2009 10:06

CD? Seriously? If I'm going to **** to music, I use an mp3 player. CDs skip, bugs tend to crawl around plants, and putting so much pressure on a guy to perform can have the opposite effect. Look, you want the perfect first time? Then die a virgin. I don't say it to be mean, I say it so you learn to be realistic. There is absolutely no such thing in this world as perfection. You expect perfection, then you will receive nothing but disappointment. Wanna know my first time? My boyfriend had slept over. My step-dad was at work, my mom and brother went to the store, and we just happened to have condoms. I immediately shouted "Take your pants off! God gave us half an hour!" Yeah, not romantic. Know what? We don't care. I was with the man I loved, and I knew he loved me and really cared about me. Hell, I'm still with him after a year. That was more than enough to make it special. That, and you don't forget ******* on Spider-Man sheets (don't judge me). Look, it's not the end of the world. Just remember, perfection does not exist. Nothing is 100%, and nothing will ever be 100% in this world. You must always compromise. Just think to yourself that you got a guy that loves you, who was willing to try to meet your expectations, and who I assume is still with you. Isn't that enough romance? Doesn't that alone make it special and unforgeable. Also, if you're not together in the future then at least you have the memory of losing your virginity to someone you really cared about at the time.

hammertime217 0

Thursday 3 September 2009 17:39

"God gave us half an hour!" LOL me likey

maverik5124 6

Friday 1 April 2011 21:12

lol sounds like a movie where they have half an hour to have lots of fun :) and then they die. *clicks the Facebook like button for "god gave us half an hour"*