Love: Today, I wanted to make love with my boyfriend for the first...

By Anonymous - 03/09/2009 03:21 - United States

Today, I wanted to make love with my boyfriend for the first time. I wanted everything to be perfect. The CD kept skipping, the rose petals had ants all over them, and he couldn't get it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 114

You deserved it 13 841

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 02/11/2009 14:04 - United States

Today, I finally had the opportunity to have sex with my girlfriend. This would be the first time for both of us, so I tried to make it really special. I had everything planned out to be very romantic. She loved how it was set up. After all this, I couldn't get it up at all, all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 142

You deserved it 5 116

DJ Perfectionist

By ImOverHere - 02/09/2012 16:56 - United States - Whitehouse

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend with candles and a sexy outfit. When he came in, he insisted that we needed music to help set the mood. Thirty minutes later, he's still searching for a song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 038

You deserved it 3 104

Mr Floppy

By rachiej8 - 10/06/2012 04:13 - United States - Fairlee

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 043

You deserved it 5 523

Loverman

By dating a manchild - 01/06/2012 23:50 - Denmark - Hellerup

Today, I arranged a romantic dinner for my boyfriend. His favourite meal, fresh flowers, scented candles. Everything went beautifully, at least until he wrapped an arm around me and whispered, "Want some dick?" into my ear. Mood horrifically ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 890

You deserved it 7 387

By Anonymous - 06/08/2011 01:47 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. He was so nervous, he broke down in tears after failing to unclasp my bra after multiple fumbling attempts. Mood? Ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 757

You deserved it 5 994

By kahemae44 - 27/10/2009 10:20 - United States

Today, I visited my boyfriend's house excited about the romantic night he promised me. As time passed, we started making out and heading up to his room. Rose petals and candles filled his room. "How romantic", I thought. That is, until we saw his 5 year old sister blowing up condom balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 418

You deserved it 5 563

By Kiddo - 02/09/2013 06:49 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, after months of patiently waiting, I finally got my roommates out of the house for the night so I could have sex with my boyfriend for the first time without being interrupted. He couldn't get it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 012

You deserved it 7 446

Follow the script

By ufhdafuhds - 19/03/2009 23:31 - Egypt

Today, I had sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pocket. Turns out he'd written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139 399

You deserved it 14 504

Sensitive snowflake

By onepussytwopussy - 07/03/2014 19:47 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 426

You deserved it 26 490

Giggle loop

By Anonymous - 18/03/2010 10:39 - United States

Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 323

You deserved it 38 286

thequickredofox 0

Thursday 3 September 2009 9:13

Sheesh - poor guy was under so much pressure, what with trying to replicate every cliched movie ever made 'n all, no wonder he choked!

allmidnighteyes 10

Thursday 3 September 2009 9:10

Rose petals? Somebody's read a few too many romance novels. At least you didn't have a Twilight fantasy.... **** that shit.

Comments

JJ88000 0

Thursday 3 September 2009 10:24

It's called an Ipod and fake rose peddles, At least have some candles in the background, damn romance is dead. lol

TrentHawkins 0

Thursday 3 September 2009 10:25

YDI for putting your pussy on a pedestal.

NaziZombie 0

Thursday 3 September 2009 10:44

Look at this party : asians, women...

rosyrose 0

Thursday 3 September 2009 11:53

your point?

picturetaker 0

Thursday 3 September 2009 10:44

YDI for still using CDs. make a playlist on your iPod. :)

samanthakm9 0

Thursday 3 September 2009 10:57

I have millions of Cds... ok not millions but I still listen to them. Not everyone is going to have an MP3 player. Jeez

alewiina 0

Thursday 3 September 2009 19:26

You're an asshole. Not everyone WANTS one, not everyone sees the need for one when they have a shitload of CDs. Stop judging people by what they own. -_-

CheshireHalli 19

Friday 4 September 2009 0:57

I wonder if he's related to pimpin88?

machete_fml 0

Thursday 3 September 2009 11:06

nothing is perfect, everything is falling apart.

Wankster 0

Thursday 3 September 2009 11:26

I've got the biggest foot in the world, and I'm paid one million dollars by NASA to boot the Space Shuttle into orbit, so there.

Artanias 0

Thursday 3 September 2009 11:56

Wins the topic right here no question about it. To the OP, waaaay too many expectations, you never saw american pie? You can't make it perfect, it just doesn't exist :P

ciaobella_fml 0

Thursday 3 September 2009 11:31

I'm still a virgin but I dont plan on my first time being perfect or amazing. You should of just let everything happen and not plan anything. And nothing is ever perfect. Better luck next time.

plexico 3

Thursday 3 September 2009 21:10

ciaobella, When you do decide to lose your virginity, try to make sure you are not simultaneously initiating a male virgin into sex. If you think your first time is going to be disappointing, it wouldn't compare with the disappointment you'll experience if it's his first time, too. In that case, it will probably be over so fast that you won't have time to realize how bad it was! Try to find a guy with at least a little experience.

GreenAlbatross 3

Thursday 3 September 2009 11:43

One of the top rules with sex is as follows: If you try to plan it out, something will go wrong, or the sex will be horrible. That's just the way it works. And seriously, rose petals? Do you really think that severed bits of a plant are going to make any difference to anyone besides the plant?