Intimacy: Today, I was doing a shit load of sit-ups on my mattress. After...

By nooneatall - 15/01/2010 03:16 - France

Today, I was doing a shit load of sit-ups on my mattress. After realizing the bed was squeaking, I heard my dad laughing very hard from the basement. He thought I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 960

You deserved it 20 242

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

False alarm

By dirtyhands - 18/02/2009 23:01 - United States

Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom burst into my room to ask if I was okay because she thought the squeaking was me crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 529

You deserved it 62 912

Lock your doors

By Anonymous - 27/05/2019 00:14

Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 471

You deserved it 764

Cool off

By chumleevil - 08/07/2011 04:20 - United States

Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 262

You deserved it 3 504

By jack s.b. - 14/11/2013 22:15 - United States - Austin

Today, my dad walked in on me jacking off. He swore and told me to lock my door next time. Later on I heard him snickering and telling my mom that I "jack off real weird." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 063

You deserved it 16 429

Quick thinking

By me. - 29/10/2011 04:43 - United States

Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 046

You deserved it 35 394

Baseless assumptions

By afafakfhsg - 19/02/2011 00:19 - United States

Today, I was in bed, about to fall asleep, when I remembered something funny. While trying not to laugh, I started grunting and biting my lip, when suddenly my brother walked by my door. He refuses to believe that I wasn't masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 387

You deserved it 12 105

By cumhole - 10/10/2012 02:32 - Canada - Toronto

Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 554

You deserved it 69 896

By Anonymous - 08/08/2015 05:18 - Canada

Today, I witnessed my dad wake himself from a nap with his own fart and start panicking in confusion. I guess I shouldn't have broken down laughing, because he demanded to know what I did to him. He didn't believe the truth and bitched me out for screwing around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 553

You deserved it 2 159

By madisonnkelly - 06/07/2015 03:18 - United States - Dallas

Today, I was laying in bed facing my dad. In the middle of our conversation, I noticed he became interested in something behind me. I turn around to the sight of my mom lifting up her shirt, flashing her boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 546

You deserved it 3 107

By EmbarrassedDaughter - 23/05/2010 07:27 - Canada

Today, I was on my bed on top of my boyfriend when I lost my balance and fell. My father walked in the door to see what the noise was. I don't know what is more embarrassing, my father walking in, or him walking in saying "Thats an expensive bed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 648

You deserved it 10 591

sparkleprincess 0

Friday 15 January 2010 9:20

thats soo freaken funny *wipes a tear* but try doing your situps on the floor using the mattress for that springy bounce back is totally cheating your muscles arent working at all.

becalm_fml 0

Friday 15 January 2010 9:10

I laughed.

Comments

davidhasmorefun 0

Friday 15 January 2010 18:32

who does situps on their mattress? and I would have laughed too.

alicia_was_here 3

Friday 15 January 2010 21:11

and his dad happens to read FML so the OP is hopping he sees this, so the he wont think his son is a violent masturbater.

nooneatall 0

Saturday 16 January 2010 0:31

number one, I realized I should do them on the floor, number two, I wasn't masterbating, but it's happened before. not really an fml but I was really tired when I posted

alicia_was_here 3

Saturday 16 January 2010 16:44

sounds like you got your story down, lets just hope your dad believes(;

SilenceIsSilver 0

Friday 22 January 2010 10:35

I think it's an fml o.0 If my parents thought I was jerkin' off I'd feel pretty embarrassed...

saladgirl123 0

Saturday 16 January 2010 4:55

liar you put this on her to validate your lie.

theelysium 0

Saturday 16 January 2010 8:15

That's hella funny! he should have left a towel by your door as a joke!

RuralNinja 0

Saturday 16 January 2010 9:02

Quit being a pussy and do your sit-ups on the ground. You get a better workout from doing them that way too.

adele77 2

Monday 18 January 2010 0:01

lol

wtsc 0

Monday 18 January 2010 1:35

YDI for doing situps on a ******* bed...

sexy_pants101 0

Tuesday 19 January 2010 0:07

hahaha that's hella funny I woulda thot that too... :P

xxdakotaxx 0

Tuesday 19 January 2010 1:16

lmao i dont know why the **** hes laughing at you for. Whats the perv doing in the basement in the first place? :P Sounds like he was waiting for you to masterbait.