Today, I was eating an oatmeal cream pie. I offered one to my...

This is a Nearly FML. It’s an FML, nearly. It got positive votes from the users, by wasn’t approved by our team.

By Facepalm - 03/05/2021 02:08 - United States - Midlothian

Today, I was eating an oatmeal cream pie. I offered one to my crush, saying, "Do you want a cream pie?" Her look of horror made me realize exactly what I'd said. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 17

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Top comments

No comments yet.

Comments

No comments yet.

Keywords

Kids Family Babies Social Media Friends Love Nice Guys Facebook Work Weird Bosses Smells Transportation Cars Accident Thanksgiving Dogs Poopoo peepee Pregnancy Embarrassing Grandparents Awkward Alcohol Coworkers Scary Animals Annoying Pizza Healthy Lifestyle Health

The Top

Today, I was at a family get together with distant relatives. My grandma made a point to say how all of the grandkids brought their boyfriends or girlfriends. She looked at me, then turned to everyone and said, "But not our Becky! She's more interested in her cats right now than finding a man." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 394

You deserved it 6 937

Today, I was told that I'm very likely to win the "Most Likely to Exceed 5 Cats" yearbook award. My best friend said, "They wanted it to be 'Most Likely to Die Alone', but it was a bit harsh." Someone else added, "It's still pretty likely, though." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 758

You deserved it 4 465

The Top

Today, I told my wife I wanted a divorce. I haven’t been in love with her for a long time and I've fallen in love with a girl at my job. When I told her this, she responded with, “No, fuck that, we're going to couples' therapy and you are gonna be a father to our kids!” I guess that’s a “No.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 354

You deserved it 2 377

Today, I was volunteering at a school. There's this really bratty boy there and he was being rude, so I joked, "How are you ever gonna get a girlfriend when you're so mean?" He responds, "I think the better question is how are you ever gonna get a boyfriend when you're so ugly." He's 7. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 94

Today, my partner walked in the room wearing a sweater from my wardrobe, making jokes about it and saying how ugly it was. That sweater was the last thing my father wore before he passed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 022

You deserved it 4 107

Today, I had to climb up and sit in a tree for half an hour to avoid being mauled by a huge, insane dog. Its weird-looking owner eventually turned up, sneered at me, and walked off with the visibly smug dog in tow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 020

You deserved it 2 894

Today, our youngest daughter bought her first house and moved out, meaning all three of our kids are now gone, so we can relax and gracefully grow old together, right? Nope. Barely an hour later, my wife showed me a positive pregnancy test. In nine months we have to start all over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 516

You deserved it 943

Today, my friend sent me a bumper sticker that said, "Do you know that gullible said slowly sounds like 'green bears'?" I spent quite a few minutes trying to get gullible to sound like green bears until I realized that it didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 166

You deserved it 65 160