Intimacy: Today, I was feeling a little naughty, so I put on a sexy outfit,...

By username - 31/07/2011 22:19 - United States

Today, I was feeling a little naughty, so I put on a sexy outfit, laid down on the hood of my boyfriend's car, and waited for him to find me. When he came into the garage and saw me, he freaked out and bitched at me, because I "could have dented the chassis". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 584

You deserved it 16 557

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

Messing around

By unknown - 08/03/2014 00:53 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to mess around at my workplace's parking lot. Things got hot and steamy, but in the middle of it all, there came a bang at my car window. My frantic boss had seen us and thought I was being attacked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 062

You deserved it 28 834

By Anonymous - 15/04/2016 19:46 - United States - Bronx

Today, I got locked in my boyfriend's garage in my underwear while his parents ripped him a new one for having sex beneath their roof. His sister had to let me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 560

You deserved it 5 052

Weirdo alert!

By CuteFeeties - 07/08/2022 18:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my boyfriend took me on a drive while he did some errands. I waited for him in the car with my bare feet on his dashboard, like I usually do. As I waited, I noticed a woman blatantly taking pictures of my feet from across the lot, and she winked at me. I cowered in my seat until he came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 332

By ocroyalty - 01/02/2010 07:31 - United States

Today, I was trying to get my car out of my boyfriend's apartment garage but couldn't. Why? Because somebody decided to park in front if the garage door and have sex. Complete with steamed windows and loud noises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 534

You deserved it 2 669

By notsohot - 25/08/2019 00:01

Today, I showed up at my boyfriend's house with nothing under my coat but some sexy lingerie. He told me he was working on an assignment, and made me wait three hours before he'd have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 329

You deserved it 2 300

Jumping to conclusions

By Anonymous - 08/03/2015 10:33 - United Kingdom - The Hyde

Today, I decided to put on some sexy lingerie and wait for my husband to come home to surprise him. He took one look at me and immediately accused me of cheating. He was convinced my explanation was a lie and that I'd rushed some guy out the back door when he came home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 770

You deserved it 3 573

By suzanneallen - 11/09/2009 04:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around in his car when things got hot and heavy and we decided to climb in the back. After we finished we started to put our clothes back just as a someone's brights flooded into the car. It was a cop, and he had been there the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 127

You deserved it 40 965

Sexy surprise

By perfectmoment - 10/10/2009 22:22 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend called me and told me he wanted me to stay the night. I decided to wear my sexiest outfit for him so I put on my kinky nurse outfit and drove over to his house. I let myself in his front door, to which I found 40 of my closest friends staring at me for my surprise birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 334

You deserved it 21 333

By lollipopp56 - 26/03/2009 06:09 - Canada

Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by dressing up in sexy lingerie. When I went to answer the door he was standing there with a shocked expression, his friends parked in the driveway had the same expression as well. He came to break up with me. He told me after we had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 149 367

You deserved it 13 808

By Anonymous - 30/05/2019 02:00

Today, I got lost in a car park, late at night, unable to find my car. I started panicking, so I called my dad. I sat down to catch my breath. After about 2 minutes, I heard a noise. I looked up to see a guy jerking off while watching me. He smiled, so I instinctively threw my backpack at his junk and he ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 412

You deserved it 279

CryMoreFMLs 14

Monday 1 August 2011 0:58

Why men are more worried about cars then girls I don't know. Doesn't make sense to me.

6tori6 5

Monday 1 August 2011 0:59

never mess with a mans car.

Comments

hamncheeseinit 6

Monday 1 August 2011 18:06

I'd be pissed if it was my car!!

chevy1969 0

Monday 1 August 2011 18:21

BOOBIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!! =P (.Y.) Who doesn't love tittes?!?!?!?!?!?

Pasty_fml 4

Monday 1 August 2011 20:28

348... gay men?

BeanieBGone 6

Monday 1 August 2011 18:25

How would you dent the chassis by sitting on the hood?

weesmithy 0

Monday 1 August 2011 18:35

I would've kicked a huge dent in it. Dump him.

stormracer101 5

Monday 1 August 2011 18:39

you weren't even touching the "chassis". sounds like you have an inconsiderate moron for a boyfriend.

wasdgame 0

Monday 1 August 2011 18:43

Be my girlfriend ;D

alabamajoe77 3

Monday 1 August 2011 18:53

Well he's a dum ass because the hood is not part of the chasis. He should have been grateful at the thought.

lvlcapblue 0

Monday 1 August 2011 18:56

apparently he doesn't know what a chasis actually is...

chipsy2011 4

Monday 1 August 2011 18:57

dude thats sad if he was more worried about his car than you that sucks.

Calyx_fml 21

Monday 1 August 2011 19:04

You'd have to be made of solid uranium to dent a chassis. He doesn't even know that that is.

Keywords

Love Cheating Money Relatable Work My ex Jealousy Health Accident ADHD Medication Snow Weather Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts

The Top

Today, I came home from the minimum-wage job I suffer through to support my now ex-boyfriend's ailing music career. It seems his time management skills suck almost as badly as his music, because I found him in my bedroom, licking whipped cream off my step-sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 855

You deserved it 4 564

Today, I was on the webcam with my boyfriend. I could see that he was on the couch, and alone, so I took off my shirt and smiled, waiting to see his reaction. He smiled at me but then kept looking in another direction. I playfully asked "What's so distracting?" His answer: "History Channel". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 435

You deserved it 10 095

The Top

Today, to settle a bet with a friend, I took an online IQ test twice. The first time, I chose answers at random without reading the questions. The second time, I took it for real. I got a higher score from the random selections than from my serious attempt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 048

You deserved it 6 231

Today, my kids and I starved during the holidays because of the incompetent case workers at the food stamp office. I was denied because according to them, I make $1200 a week of unemployment. They put what I make monthly as weekly on their end. Their apology? “Sorry, you have to apply again.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 240

Today, and for the past week, my 5-year-old daughter has been introducing herself as “Mazda. Zoom-zoom!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 404

You deserved it 296

Today, a basketball opponent ran into my elbow and hurt himself. He called me to the hospital and, to be a good person, I went to check on him. It turns out he reported me to the police to try and get money out of me. Now I'm stuck at the station while they “investigate”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 569

You deserved it 252

Today, my girlfriend got fired from her job for arguing with her female coworker. I found out from a mutual friend that the reason they were arguing was because they were fighting over "a hot male coworker" who hooked up with the female coworker. I think I need to leave her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 663

You deserved it 106

Today, my first and only true date ended with the girl saying, "Thanks for dinner, I was hungry - and oh, by the way, I'm a lesbian." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 061

You deserved it 2 494