Intimacy: Today, I was masturbating lying on the lower bed of my brother's...

By killmyself - 23/01/2009 19:50 - United States

Today, I was masturbating lying on the lower bed of my brother's and my bunk beds. I finished jacking off and tried to get up to clean myself I hit my head on metal panel of the upper bed and passed out. Later woke up in my bed... found out my parents came home and saw me passed out naked holding a porn mag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 374

You deserved it 47 208

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Same thing different taste

Morning motivation

By thermos - 03/02/2009 23:47 - United States

Today, I had a sexy dream, woke up and started to masturbate quite vigorously. When I finished, I hopped off the top bunk naked to see my brother and his girlfriend laying in the bottom bunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 191

You deserved it 53 420

Happy place

By HansonLUVR - 12/03/2009 00:26 - United States

Today, I was eating lunch naked at my home watching porn on the big screen. I heard the garage door opening meaning my roommate was coming home. In my haste to get dressed, I fell back in the barstool I was sitting in and knocked myself out. I woke up still naked and with lettuce all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 249

You deserved it 79 270

By Ned - 29/08/2009 23:36 - United States

Today, I woke up in my bunkbed because I thought I was experiencing my first earthquake ever. I jumped out of bed and found that it was just my roomate masturbating in the bottom bunk. It was 6am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 521

You deserved it 3 885

By Anonymous - 20/05/2016 16:59 - United States - Harker Heights

Today, my brother walked in on me jerking off. I managed to close the porn tab, at least, only to end up on my mom's Facebook profile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 409

You deserved it 6 755

Lock your doors

By Anonymous - 27/05/2019 00:14

Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 476

You deserved it 764

By adam - 03/02/2010 20:10 - France

Today, my mom woke me up and asked if I wanted breakfast. I had passed out naked on the kitchen floor after a party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 085

You deserved it 40 680

Baseless assumptions

By afafakfhsg - 19/02/2011 00:19 - United States

Today, I was in bed, about to fall asleep, when I remembered something funny. While trying not to laugh, I started grunting and biting my lip, when suddenly my brother walked by my door. He refuses to believe that I wasn't masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 387

You deserved it 12 106

By nooneatall - 15/01/2010 03:16 - France

Today, I was doing a shit load of sit-ups on my mattress. After realizing the bed was squeaking, I heard my dad laughing very hard from the basement. He thought I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 960

You deserved it 20 242

You probably do

By Anonymous - 09/08/2021 22:01

Today, I woke up after a really intense wet dream. Problem is, I'd fallen asleep in the living room. My little brother saw the whole thing. Now he's going around telling family I need to get some. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 150

You deserved it 231

By Anonymous - 17/01/2016 18:41 - United States - Valparaiso

Today, I was having a wet dream and had a pretty vivid imagination. I ended up thrusting so hard that it showed up in reality. I literally humped so hard that I woke myself up. Not only that, but I was sleeping on the living room floor so my roommates saw and now it's their joke of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 711

You deserved it 3 993

maiden_girl 5

Saturday 14 February 2009 12:57

Next time lock yourself in the bathroom and if you knock yourself out again no one will see you...

2random 0

Tuesday 10 February 2009 11:30

hahahaha!!! loser!

Comments

SgtSchadenfreude 0

Monday 30 March 2009 10:41

That story didn't end NEARLY as gruesomely as I imagined it would from the first line, especially since you were on the bottom bunk.

redhusk89 0

Tuesday 31 March 2009 1:00

people look he might be joking but some people can pass out from a slight bump. It's called a trigger point he may have one and have hit himself just right. The part about parents getting home I doubt as any parent worth their salt would check to make sure you were ok if you fell after hitting your head. The implication is you fell back into the bed in such a way that it looked like you were asleep. That I find hard to believe

Flagiz 0

Tuesday 2 June 2009 14:33

Haha! I feel sorry for ya.

redsox4021 0

Sunday 18 April 2010 23:38

#17 I clicked ur profile to see what u were pointing at and I see ur. a 13 year old that likes paramore and twilight and ur a GUY. you are defenitly a queer!!!

bsbrulez92704 0

Thursday 4 June 2009 0:48

if you were sitting up rather than lying down this wouldnt have happened what did your parents say? hey just tell them at least they didnt find you with a girl