Intimacy: Today, I was masturbating while chewing gum. Halfway into the...

By omfgnooo - 09/09/2011 23:22 - United States

Today, I was masturbating while chewing gum. Halfway into the session, the gum flew down my throat, causing me to violently choke. My mom had to rush in and help me while I still had my pants around my ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 859

You deserved it 54 892

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 18/02/2013 19:11 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 092

You deserved it 40 037

By LaurenLehmmman - 27/12/2009 22:22 - United States

Today, I was singing while lying upside down chewing gum. My dad was trying to focus on the current football game and hushed me. I yelled, "No!" resulting in my gum becoming lodged in my windpipe. I shut up after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 291

You deserved it 52 245

Self-own

By Anonymous - 20/01/2021 08:01

Today, out of nowhere, I started violently choking on my own saliva and shat myself in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 052

You deserved it 136

Time consumed

By unendowed - 18/03/2012 02:11 - United States - Katy

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to go down on me with chewing gum in her mouth. I spent the next hour and a half getting Orbit out of my pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 413

You deserved it 11 700

Jammed

By me - 05/01/2010 16:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 455

You deserved it 3 761

By Anonymous - 10/02/2011 20:06 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with a client, when the gum I was casually chewing fell out of my mouth and down my shirt. While I was trying to dig it out, two of our newest customers walked into the lobby to see what looked like me fondling my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 364

You deserved it 12 713

By Anonymous - 29/01/2013 04:23 - United States - Lafayette Hill

Today, I almost died. How? I nearly suffocated after passing out while chewing an entire pack of gum. I should really drink less. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 593

You deserved it 46 288

By gumchuck - 05/02/2015 21:03 - United States - Marshall

Today, in an effort to avoid my school's strict no-gum policy as my teacher made a b-line to me, I swallowed it. By the time the teacher reached me, the gum was on my desk, as well as my breakfast, thanks to my overactive gag reflex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 851

You deserved it 16 307

Knock next time please

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 21:32 - India

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 791

By ydahs - 08/05/2009 21:17 - United States

Today, while in the hot tub with my friends, my gum fell out of my mouth and I had no idea where it went. Later that night I realized it had fallen down my swimsuit and had become adhered to my pubic hairs which then stuck to my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 771

You deserved it 19 620

turtleomnom 0

Saturday 10 September 2011 7:25

clearly we know deep throat isn't a talent of yours.

Nuahavizu 17

Saturday 10 September 2011 7:23

And here i thought that WALKING and chewing gum was tough :P

Comments

dhollis61 1

Saturday 10 September 2011 9:07

I guess you can't swallow

decidedlyvague 11

Saturday 10 September 2011 9:12

I don't know about you, but the first thing I do when I start choking is pull up my pants.

corrinaswan 0

Saturday 10 September 2011 9:18

Lmao hahah sad and I've choked on a candy wen I was breathing in and almost passed out with my mom about 15 feet away... She only asked if I was ok so man up wonder wht ur mom said

kareltje 17

Saturday 10 September 2011 9:18

Twat! You deserved it. Masturbating 101: no gum, no glue, no sharp objects.

asgardienne 6

Saturday 10 September 2011 9:26

Tell her you were examining your dick.

trellz17 19

Saturday 10 September 2011 9:34

I'm sure no one cared that your pants were down, I think your safety comes first

goldfish78 11

Saturday 10 September 2011 9:35

How did your mom find out that your choking? She must be down there giving you head.

decidedlyvague 11

Monday 12 September 2011 10:23

Way to cross the threshold bud. That would be a whooooole new set of issues that would probably require a couple of shrinks and mild-heavy drug dosage.