Intimacy: Today, I was masturbating while chewing gum. Halfway into the...

By omfgnooo - 09/09/2011 23:22 - United States

Today, I was masturbating while chewing gum. Halfway into the session, the gum flew down my throat, causing me to violently choke. My mom had to rush in and help me while I still had my pants around my ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 859

You deserved it 54 892

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 18/02/2013 19:11 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 092

You deserved it 40 037

By LaurenLehmmman - 27/12/2009 22:22 - United States

Today, I was singing while lying upside down chewing gum. My dad was trying to focus on the current football game and hushed me. I yelled, "No!" resulting in my gum becoming lodged in my windpipe. I shut up after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 291

You deserved it 52 245

Self-own

By Anonymous - 20/01/2021 08:01

Today, out of nowhere, I started violently choking on my own saliva and shat myself in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 052

You deserved it 136

Time consumed

By unendowed - 18/03/2012 02:11 - United States - Katy

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to go down on me with chewing gum in her mouth. I spent the next hour and a half getting Orbit out of my pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 413

You deserved it 11 700

Jammed

By me - 05/01/2010 16:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 455

You deserved it 3 761

By Anonymous - 10/02/2011 20:06 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with a client, when the gum I was casually chewing fell out of my mouth and down my shirt. While I was trying to dig it out, two of our newest customers walked into the lobby to see what looked like me fondling my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 364

You deserved it 12 713

By Anonymous - 29/01/2013 04:23 - United States - Lafayette Hill

Today, I almost died. How? I nearly suffocated after passing out while chewing an entire pack of gum. I should really drink less. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 593

You deserved it 46 288

By gumchuck - 05/02/2015 21:03 - United States - Marshall

Today, in an effort to avoid my school's strict no-gum policy as my teacher made a b-line to me, I swallowed it. By the time the teacher reached me, the gum was on my desk, as well as my breakfast, thanks to my overactive gag reflex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 851

You deserved it 16 307

Knock next time please

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 21:32 - India

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 791

By ydahs - 08/05/2009 21:17 - United States

Today, while in the hot tub with my friends, my gum fell out of my mouth and I had no idea where it went. Later that night I realized it had fallen down my swimsuit and had become adhered to my pubic hairs which then stuck to my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 771

You deserved it 19 620

turtleomnom 0

Saturday 10 September 2011 7:25

clearly we know deep throat isn't a talent of yours.

Nuahavizu 17

Saturday 10 September 2011 7:23

And here i thought that WALKING and chewing gum was tough :P

Comments

justanotherhuman 21

Saturday 10 September 2011 10:20

Dear OP, ... /facepalm.

swinglifeaway123 8

Saturday 10 September 2011 10:57

You made me lawl

jcbspence 0

Sunday 11 September 2011 9:00

Wash that hand first

BigKatt 1

Saturday 10 September 2011 10:46

Am I the only one who thinks it is weird he is jerking it with his folks in the next room? Wait til they leave or at LEAST go to sleep.

TheNewGuy03 28

Saturday 10 September 2011 11:43

Dude, you can only choke one thing at a time. Didn't they teach you that in preschool? |the kid|

cjhilde 1

Saturday 10 September 2011 14:38

Newguy, your backsplash is horrible and was pieced together incorrectly

TheNewGuy03 28

Sunday 11 September 2011 3:16

Yeah, tell me about it. It's Korea, and it's also a cheap apartment. Fortunately for me, I'm moving. :D |the kid|

ZielZone 4

Saturday 10 September 2011 12:48

Can anyone actually be this stupid???

leannecloveryau 11

Saturday 10 September 2011 13:19

LOL THIS IS A WINNER

don1qot 6

Saturday 10 September 2011 13:22

Hmmm? Get your moms attention or pull your pants up? Logical choice. ****-blocked on so many levels, though. I guess, it'll keep op from chewing gum for a few weeks, and maybe not masturbating for few days.

DAILURE 0

Saturday 10 September 2011 13:32

Yes, may I have a side of epic with that fail?? ;D

patrickalamo 47

Saturday 10 September 2011 13:56

No happy ending here.

perdix 29

Saturday 10 September 2011 14:48

Maybe as she went to perform the Heimlich Maneuver, mom gave him the good ol' Reach Around. Even if he survived the asphyxiation, he would have had to deal with the dreaded DSBs since he didn't complete the whack-off.