Intimacy: Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's... - FML

By mrricecakes - 23/03/2012 05:55 - United States - Gilbert

Spicy

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 411

You deserved it 5 234

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Same thing different taste

By shitfaced - 18/09/2015 17:30 - Netherlands - Sassenheim

Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 675

You deserved it 9 516

By Tyler - 19/11/2011 08:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. In an attempt to be romantic, I tried taking her panties off with my teeth. I got a mouthful of pubes stuck in my braces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 250

You deserved it 34 503

Time consumed

By unendowed - 18/03/2012 02:11 - United States - Katy

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to go down on me with chewing gum in her mouth. I spent the next hour and a half getting Orbit out of my pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 414

You deserved it 11 700

Directions

By jay-frey96 - 02/11/2014 15:36 - United States - San Diego

Spicy

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 658

You deserved it 14 019

By :x - 03/02/2016 15:40 - United States - Richmond

Today, I tried to be sexy by pulling down my girlfriend's panties with my teeth. I didn't expect to be faced with the mother of all shit stains and start gagging so bad I nearly puked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 928

You deserved it 5 364

Dealbreaker

By Nico - 26/05/2021 14:01

Spicy

Today, after going on a date with my girlfriend, we ended up having sex at her flat. When she took off her panties, I took a glance and saw poop stains on them. It turned me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 340

You deserved it 286

Mr Clean

By Anonymous - 18/01/2013 10:50 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I grabbed his butt to control his thrusts and got a clump of used toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 271

You deserved it 7 595

By Mr Eek - 25/10/2008 16:57

Spicy

Today, for the very first time I got it on with my girlfriend. Unfortunately, afterwards I had a terrible tummy ache and let out a very noisy fart. I'm not sure she'll still be my girlfriend tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 578

You deserved it 12 446

By Anonymous - 30/12/2015 15:21 - Canada - Aurora

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 162

You deserved it 5 569

By threw my underwear out too - 03/12/2017 00:00 - United States - Hyde Park

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I took a walk on the beach at night. We were completely alone, so she started blowing me. It was great for the first five minutes, but she had just eaten dinner and (apparently) wasn't feeling great. I ended the night in the shower picking vomit out of my pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 896

You deserved it 1 903

Next

Top comments

krsimir 0

Friday 23 March 2012 12:10

Should have used charmen toilet paper, no little white pieces left behind

frozenfreeze 5

Friday 23 March 2012 12:26

They were the least of your problems?...Were there dragons and dead rats down there too?

Comments

dustbunny10 0

Friday 23 March 2012 14:14

That fml made me gag. I know sometimes the little residue of toilet paper is unavoidable, but goddamnit, at least wash up first!!!

hernando240411 0

Friday 23 March 2012 14:17

Never more, never more.........

ginglederf 6

Saturday 5 May 2012 11:31

Would this happen to be a line from the raven my friend Oh linore

betterNowThanLat 5

Friday 23 March 2012 14:25

thank god for those girls who keep their shit on POINT! I take very good care of myself, idk why some girls dont. its not that hard to shave and use soap in the shower. girls especially need to wash down there.. i just couldnt do it, go down on someone dirty.

bingababe 16

Friday 23 March 2012 14:32

Actually, you should never use soap "down there".

CadyAsInKatie 8

Sunday 25 March 2012 10:07

Really?? 0,o why?

CadyAsInKatie 8

Sunday 25 March 2012 10:09

Why no soap, I mean...

emilyjgraham 34

Wednesday 28 March 2012 8:44

what if ops girlfriend had gone to the toilet just before getting intimate? is she supposed to jump in the shower all of a sudden?

bjlowe 2

Friday 23 March 2012 14:34

That's bad mate but we have all been their better luck next time

3040evan 2

Friday 23 March 2012 14:37

I would have been out the door within 30 sec after seeing that. And wait you couldn't smell that be for you got there?

chels1994 11

Friday 23 March 2012 14:41

Dear lord.. doesn't she wash down there??

betterNowThanLat 5

Friday 23 March 2012 14:42

bingababe i never said you needed to use soap down there, i said use soap in the shower, actually.

MangaManiacNat 13

Friday 23 March 2012 14:43

Now that right there, thats messed up =X

janeyboo07 11

Friday 23 March 2012 15:01

Why even put your face in a hairy rotten ******? Nasty.

dragynfyre 4

Friday 23 March 2012 15:15

Ewww. I don't let my man's face near me unless I clean it up.

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Keywords

Friends Love Awkward Miscellaneous Haircut Cute Relatable You're fired Work Cars Kids Parenting Family DIY Cats Am I overreacting? Intimacy Sex Management Poopoo peepee Capitalism Coworkers Frustration Animals ADHD Dogs Transportation Dating Health Anxiety

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 402

You deserved it 178

Today, my boss is going nuts after some coworkers quit, as they were some of the lucky few with enough cash to move away ahead of whatever dumbass plan the next administration has for their immigrant families and friends. My boss is complaining he can't afford to pay "normal people wages" and wants me to work overtime. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 171

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 664

You deserved it 935

Today, after drinking myself to an oblivion, I awoke with a massive hangover. I didn’t want to go to work, but every excuse I came up with in my head screamed of alcoholics. When I arrived, my boss asked me why I was there. It was my day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 006

You deserved it 4 875

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I agree, your life sucks 18 821

You deserved it 1 366

Today, as usual, I work nights and sleep during the day. I found out that my brother uses my car and never puts gas in it when he called me for the first time to actually ask me if he could borrow my car, and also to lend him $20 to put gas in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 136

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I agree, your life sucks 35 690

You deserved it 6 235

Today, I posted a picture to Snapchat about being depressed. My close friend, who I share most things with, made fun of my post. That's the last time I share anything with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 824

You deserved it 193