Kids: Today, I went out to a nice restaurant with my extended family....

By bigdaddy - 16/07/2009 03:53 - United States

Today, I went out to a nice restaurant with my extended family. It was expensive, and when the bill came, I whispered to my brother, "We may need to make this one a Chew and Screw". When the waitress came back to the table, my five year old son decided to ask aloud "What's Chew and Screw?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 223

You deserved it 66 575

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Same thing different taste

Egg IRL

By Anonymous - 16/11/2020 05:01 - United States

Today, I was eating out with my family. I have 2 brothers. Our waitress comes and says, "Look at those 3 handsome young men." I didn't think of it until my 5-year-old brother shouted, " She's a girl!'" FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 101

By JamesK - 15/12/2016 23:23

Today, I went out with my kids to eat at a nice restaurant. While I was in the bathroom, my 7-year-old daughter ordered 15 plates of "pearls" on the menu. Those "pearls" turned out to be salmon caviar. Guess who got a 425$ bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 956

You deserved it 2 643

By Anonymous - 10/09/2013 18:30 - United States - Smyrna

Today, I took my 4-year-old son to the bank with me. He asked why we were going, and I explained that I had a couple of checks that they would turn into money. When we got in line, he loudly exclaimed that "Mommy has checks for money!" Except "checks" sounded almost exactly like "sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 651

You deserved it 4 578

Highly inappropriate

By Anonymous - 27/05/2013 22:15 - United States - Lehi

Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 050

You deserved it 3 752

By princess4242 - 26/02/2010 09:10 - India

Today, I was with my friend and her entire family at a restaurant. While we were eating, her brother who is really cute asked what "brown sauce" is. I said thats probably 'penis' sauce. I'd meant to say 'peanut sauce' but the damage was done. The entire family just stared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 957

You deserved it 24 285

By frenchfrypotater - 24/09/2009 23:50 - United States

Today, it was our wedding anniversary. My husband takes me and our young son to a family-style chain restaurant. Hoping for a little romance, I ask him what he's excited about in our future, and he says how we shouldn't eat out like this anymore so we can afford to pay our income taxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 626

You deserved it 4 282

By whoopsiedoodle - 21/05/2009 12:45 - Canada

Today, we went out to dinner to a family restaurant, and I was wearing a skirt since it's so warm out. My 4 year old scooted under the table to sit next to his brother. When he popped up on the other side, he exclaimed, "Mommy! You forgot to put on your underwears!" People were staring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 636

You deserved it 64 455

By morg2000 - 17/02/2009 23:23 - Mexico

Today, I went out to dinner with my family. I was given a kids menu when the hostess sat us down. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 585

You deserved it 3 167

By anonymous - 22/01/2016 01:55 - United States - Bellefontaine

Today, I met up with my dad for the first time in 7 years. We planned to go to a nice restaurant but he changed the place we were going to, to Chuck E. Cheese. I'm 18 years old. I waited an hour for him to show up. I then ended up babysitting his daughter the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 976

You deserved it 1 615

Choked

By embarrassing - 15/07/2021 18:01

Today, I went out to eat with friends. My crush was also at the restaurant with his friends. He smiled at me as I took a mouthful of food, and I choked. The waitress had to perform the Heimlich maneuver on me, while he and his friends fell off their chairs laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 162

heyyou1203 0

Thursday 16 July 2009 12:09

YDI for even thinking about "chewing and screwing!" you do realize that the waitress busts her ass to serve pricks like you and that her entire income is from your tip, right? waitresses get paid like, $2 and hour. I HATES people like you when i waitressed, who thought they were entitled to everything but didn't have to pay.

lizzzie_fml 0

Thursday 16 July 2009 12:05

When around kids, never say anything that you don't want repeating!!! Learn for next time

Comments

fantasyworld 37

Tuesday 12 August 2014 14:08

If you can't pay don't go out.

ByeTech 10

Thursday 2 April 2015 16:29

No sympathy, you're a complete asshole. If you can't pay for the food, don't eat it. I have a lot more sympathy for the weight staff that would probably have had to pay for your meal if you succeeded.

carebear1228 20

Tuesday 12 May 2015 22:26

pay up bitches.

dannnngthatsux 19

Sunday 20 September 2015 14:53

Wow! Imagine I took a car on a test drive from a dealer and just never bright it back? Wouldn't that be stealing? Whatever you call it, it's theft, f everyone's life around you.

SUPERNOVA018 13

Wednesday 4 May 2016 18:24

I work in ND and we get $4.85 an hour. But we get a lot of Canadians who don't know that we get paid less and don't tend to tip. There have been days when I have had a table of 20 people who I spent hours serving them and their bill was over $500 and they tried to give me a $10 tip. It sucks but it happens. You just deal with what you get and work more hours.

Shadow9876 19

Tuesday 21 June 2016 17:02

You are an idiot. Pay for your meal douche bag.

Chris_1163187222 15

Friday 3 November 2017 14:51

Its pieces of shit like you that makes waitresses pissed off, i hope they called the cops

404wan 19

Thursday 27 December 2018 17:21

yeah **** you. you choose to go to a restaurant, you pay. what the hell makes you think that it is in any way, in any situation okay to do this? you received your food. you ate it. WHAT? A BILL?? yes bitch.