Love: Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to...

By H-B - 28/04/2009 08:53 - United States

Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 603

You deserved it 88 957

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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By Anonymous - 22/05/2020 20:00

Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 787

You deserved it 297

Waste moment

By Anonymous - 10/02/2020 20:00

Today, I went out drinking with my friends and my boyfriend met me there. We decided then to come home and planned an intimate moment. I got on top of him and went to kiss his neck. Next thing I know, I fell asleep right before we started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 999

You deserved it 1 349

By Ryan746 - 09/06/2009 05:45 - United States

Today, I asked a girl out and made plans to go see a movie. About 5 minutes in, I made a move to put my arm around her and smashed her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 682

You deserved it 47 020

Joe Smooth move

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was in school when I spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her, I broke her nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 518

You deserved it 38 444

By Anon - 30/01/2009 11:39 - Canada

Today, I was on a date with this girl. I attempted to put my arm around her, but I elbowed her in the face instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 342

You deserved it 7 441

By Pelota - 01/07/2009 21:46 - United States

Today, I tried to stop a drunk girl from driving home. She took a couple swings at me, which I dodged. Feeling pretty good about it, I tried to get the keys from her hand. She leaned over, and sunk her teeth in to my bare shoulder. The doctor says I will have a scar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 486

You deserved it 5 231

Romantic move

By soomeone - 16/02/2010 19:28 - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 681

You deserved it 25 654

By OMFG I LOVE MLP - 24/08/2012 21:00 - Germany - Mainz

Today, my friends set me up on a blind date. I thought it went well, and while saying our goodbyes, I leaned in to give her a kiss. She pulled way, laughed, "I'm not drunk enough for that," and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 943

You deserved it 3 794

By Chedder - 26/06/2009 23:36 - United States

Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, but she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 008

You deserved it 3 506

By PleaseDontHateMe - 20/09/2016 16:42 - Canada - Stony Plain

Today, I tried to impress a girl by draping my arm over the back of her chair. I ended up elbowing her in the nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 303

You deserved it 5 016

lelo_lala 0

Tuesday 28 April 2009 20:05

You deserve it, you drove drunk, and put a girl in a neck brace, I hope you never get laid.

eric237 0

Tuesday 28 April 2009 20:05

this fml makes you sound like a rapist

Comments

nightswimming 0

Wednesday 29 April 2009 1:50

#60 - You're an idiot. I hope a drunk driver hits you one night, then we'll see how you feel about it. #85 - Amen. I'm not saying he was driving, he could have had a DD or taken a cab, though I think the story makes it seem like she definitely wasn't driving and implies they were alone.

0_0 0

Wednesday 29 April 2009 1:51

Maybe you shouldn't drive drunk, idiot. Put everyones lives at risk for your own fun, good idea.

on_a_boat 0

Wednesday 29 April 2009 1:58

You're an idiot for driving whilst drunk. YDI.

ebbasaur 0

Wednesday 29 April 2009 2:08

#1 and #2 I agree with. Does she hate you...?!? Hahahaha.

mykon_fml 0

Wednesday 29 April 2009 2:28

ARE YOU ******* ME?! UR DRIVING DRUNK? I HOPE SHE JUST USES U FOR YOUR ******* MONEY AND TORTURES YOUR ******* HEART! DON'T DRIVE DRUNK YOU **** TART LET HER DRIVE INSTEAD! and then you can have the excuse of sleeping over at her house. but nooo YOUR A **** TART

englishmuffin 0

Wednesday 29 April 2009 2:40

I activated an account just to say: #60... I hope you're ******* kidding because otherwise you're a moron. There is nothing safe or okay about drinking under the influence. #89: "And are you ALL claiming that you have never once in your life driven while the slightest bit tipsy?" I haven't. I'm not that stupid or selfish to think that the time or trouble saved by calling a cab, asking a friend to drive, or just not drinking is worth someone else's life if my ability to drive is impaired. "Yes, it was irresponsible, but does he honestly deserve to be damned by all of you judgmental self-righteous presumptuous bitter people? really?" It's not like people are threatening to egg his house or slash his tires. But if he really was drinking and driving, he deserves to know he's an ass. Drunk drivers affect everyone who happens to be on the road with them at the time.

curryndricegirll 0

Wednesday 29 April 2009 2:42

I'm gonna call this fake. If you weren't even sober enough to make out without breaking her neck, there is no way you made it alive driving there drunk.