Miscellaneous: Today, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. I had my headphones...

By Ouch - 10/04/2011 08:55 - Canada

Today, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. I had my headphones in and was blasting my music. It was also cold so I had my hood up. I had my back turned to the house and wasn't paying attention. My brother thought I was a burglar and tackled me to the concrete. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 902

You deserved it 30 728

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Same thing different taste

Smoke 'em while you can

By OuttaNowhere81 - 15/05/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, I was smoking a cigarette in my backyard while my parents were out, because I'm not allowed to smoke. While smoking, my parents came home unexpectedly. In a rush, I flicked it over the fence, and it landed in my neighbor's hair. It was still lit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 628

You deserved it 73 912

Cassius

By Noname - 11/03/2009 06:04 - United States

Today, I went on my porch for a late night cigarette. When I opened the door and took one step inside, all I remember is a big thud. I woke up 5 minutes later with my father over top of me saying, "Nice right hook, huh?" Then he chuckled. He thought I was a burglar and he knocked me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 457

You deserved it 9 476

Stuck

By Anonymous - 10/12/2009 11:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I found myself locked out of my house. I had to squeeze myself through a tiny window around the back. While hanging upside down, my hood fell over my head. My dog ran through to investigate the noise and ravaged me thinking I was a burglar. I then fell and broke my wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 352

You deserved it 5 251

By I'm Not Dead Yet - 09/06/2014 19:37 - United States - Tucson

Today, I put my headphones on and laid down to relax to some music. I fell asleep, and woke up later to a police officer busting into my house. My neighbor had been knocking on my door, then looked through my window and saw me on my couch, and was convinced I'd died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 778

You deserved it 5 219

Stealth

By Andy - 18/11/2008 21:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I was having a smoke out on the balcony of my apartment. When I was walking back into the house, I walked straight into the large glass sliding door, loudly whacking it with my forehead, subsequently waking up my 2 other flatmates at 2.30am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 551

You deserved it 26 131

By Bec - 25/07/2011 14:10 - Australia

Today, the police were canvassing my neighbourhood about a recent robbery. When I answered the door, my brother saw badges, panicked, and jumped out our apartment's third-storey window in an attempt to escape. He thought they were after him for using a bong two weeks ago. I'm related to this twit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 434

You deserved it 3 607

Sneaky

By TasedAndDazed - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I knew his parents wouldn't be there. Later, I woke up in a hospital bed because his sister thought I was a burglar and tased me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 619

You deserved it 43 665

Some people just don't like surprises

By alone and horny - 20/06/2020 20:01

Today, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. When I started to head back in, I saw a shadow move across my bedroom window. I live alone, so I waited outside and called the police. They came and investigated, only to drag my naked boyfriend out, where he promptly dumped me. I forgot our 2-year anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 832

You deserved it 1 727

By ThatsNotRight - 31/01/2009 04:08 - United States

Today, I put on my favorite booty shorts and walked outside to smoke a cigarette. My dog had chewed a hole in the middle of my shorts, and I was standing on a balcony that's located on the busiest street in town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 903

You deserved it 31 068

By something - 16/02/2019 18:00

Today, I was walking home from school and my stupid brother who comes earlier then me locked the storm door. I ended up trying every other door for 3 hours in below freezing temperature. I was numb everywhere. I rang the bell and my brother opened it. He was home the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 365

You deserved it 2 555

lmaoatall 6

Sunday 10 April 2011 16:11

future note for posting fml's, never ever say you went outside to have a smoke. NEVER. even if you were hit by a bus..

catalin 0

Sunday 10 April 2011 16:14

How come smokers always get the most YDI's ? : It's completely out of my reach. It's like it was her fault her brother tackled her like that.

Comments

FMLsOhilarious 6

Monday 11 April 2011 0:35

YDI for smoking. I hope you got a nice face plant.

crazyrunnergirl 7

Monday 11 April 2011 2:06

Maybe if you didn't smoke this wouldn't have happened, dipshit

_Meghan_ 5

Monday 11 April 2011 2:28

YDI for Smoking :/

Kriissttaa 0

Monday 11 April 2011 2:43

YDI for smoking outsside, bro!

RainbowHeadache 2

Monday 11 April 2011 2:56

Hopefully he didn't have a boner.

singer314 0

Monday 11 April 2011 3:25

haha dude thats what you get for smoking

thygerson 0

Monday 11 April 2011 4:01

well u can die from smokes and ur bro was just thinking of ur future

Lazybum99 9

Monday 11 April 2011 4:08

I'm actually from the United States, i don't know why it put I was from Canada... and no my brother didn't have a boner thank god lol

drummerboy2014 0

Monday 11 April 2011 4:32

2 things 1. your brother is a moron. burglars don't just stand outside. 2. don't smoke...It kills you.

emily14swim 0

Monday 11 April 2011 5:31

ydi for smoking but that still sucks haha

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 3 568

You deserved it 205

Today, my parents told me that unless I think about my behaviour and make some real changes, people are going to think I’m weird or suspicious, and I’ll never make friends. This is because I choose to attend church on Sundays instead of watching TV and getting drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 272

The Top

Today, my mother told me that I was "made" in the bathroom of the store I work at now. She even pointed out which stall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 026

You deserved it 5 442

Today, I heard my sister talking to my mom about me, saying that I have the ability to suck the life out of a room like a Dementor. I walked in and asked what she meant by that. My mom replied, "She means you're an asshole." I love you too, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 731

You deserved it 6 777

Today, I woke up to the sight of a zucchini and a condom on my bedside table, along with a note saying "I know it's tough being single." Apparently my mom has boundary issues, my dad will laugh at anything, and the fact I just got dumped means nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 687

You deserved it 3 037

Today, after some very passionate sex with my girlfriend, she exclaimed, "That was amazing Drew." She quickly tried to turn "Drew" into my actual name, which doesn't sound anything like Drew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 046

You deserved it 4 109

Today, while clearing stuff out of the basement, I found my ex-wife's old electronic diary device from the '90s. I found the charger, powered it up, and had soon read all about out she'd been cheating on me for almost half our marriage with the guy she's now married to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 628

You deserved it 3 694

Today, I went on a date with a guy who seemed really nice. However, halfway through the date, he started talking about how he was a flat-earther, and believed that the moon landing was faked. Oh, and that birds aren't real. I had to endure another hour of his conspiracy theories before I could finally escape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 141